RedRose3373 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Hello Ok as u all know i walked away from my 3 year affair a little over 1 month ago. I went on match.com & met a great guy. We plan on seeing each other 2x this week already. I just have to take it slow & see where it goes. Now i have a ? for u all. I like to be honest in my relationships, however, does the new guy need to know that my last relationship was with a married, older man from work? I won't tell him this right away, but does the new guy need to know about this? I was just wondering. I am an honest person, just sometimes too honest. My girlfriend from work says that the new guy doesn't have to know anything. She says its not lying its just not telling. She said the situation i was in, is not something u want a lot of people to know. Any advice??
erika2610 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Hello Ok as u all know i walked away from my 3 year affair a little over 1 month ago. I went on match.com & met a great guy. We plan on seeing each other 2x this week already. I just have to take it slow & see where it goes. Now i have a ? for u all. I like to be honest in my relationships, however, does the new guy need to know that my last relationship was with a married, older man from work? I won't tell him this right away, but does the new guy need to know about this? I was just wondering. I am an honest person, just sometimes too honest. My girlfriend from work says that the new guy doesn't have to know anything. She says its not lying its just not telling. She said the situation i was in, is not something u want a lot of people to know. Any advice?? I wouldn't tell my new man. Why? Why does he need to know? He doesn't, honestly.
Author RedRose3373 Posted February 27, 2006 Author Posted February 27, 2006 yes u r right thats high school stuff stuff before him i guess is really none of his business ok thanks
THX2000 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Hello Ok as u all know i walked away from my 3 year affair a little over 1 month ago. I went on match.com & met a great guy. We plan on seeing each other 2x this week already. I just have to take it slow & see where it goes. Now i have a ? for u all. I like to be honest in my relationships, however, does the new guy need to know that my last relationship was with a married, older man from work? I won't tell him this right away, but does the new guy need to know about this? I was just wondering. I am an honest person, just sometimes too honest. My girlfriend from work says that the new guy doesn't have to know anything. She says its not lying its just not telling. She said the situation i was in, is not something u want a lot of people to know. Any advice?? I admire your honesty and openness about the situation but at this point in your relationship with "new guy" I don't see any harm in not telling him. If you become serious then I would think that is something he may want to know but for now I would just enjoy getting to know each other and having some fun after what you just went through.
Blind Illusion Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Eventually, the subject of past liasons does come up, and when it naturally does, you could just mention that your last relationship was x number of months ago. I think that the reason this subject comes up, in the first place, is because people like to know that enough time has transpired between relationships. (like you might be a little skeptical if just last week, he broke off a 4 year relationship & wonder if it was really over) The particulars of your situation, that he was older, that he was a co-worker, that he was married,---that's all up to you. See what feels right at the time and see just how much he is revealing about his ex. You can still be honest but you really don't need to provide a detailed biography of this man that used to be part of your life.
Art_Critic Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Right now this early you DO NOT tell him about it.. if he asks you questions about how it ended then tll him without giving him specifics.. the fact that you were involved with a MM is not a dates business and is not for you to tell him at this early stage.. Now if months down the road you decide to go exclusive then you might want to mention something to allieviate any guilt you might have.. If you mention something about it he will most certainly stop dating you.. thinking that he will be involved in drama.
Author RedRose3373 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 Hello all just an update i am still going strong with the new guy. our dates our fantastic the ex mm makes it a habit to come to my boss's office like 2 or 3 times a day when there really is not need for it. He stands right where i could see him in my boss's office. He has the whole entire office to stand & talk to him but he chooses to stand right in this one corner where i could see him from my desk. It is totally ridiculous now. Now when i see him, i don't shake or have heart palputations. I don't care anymore!! i NEVER thought i'd feel this way towards my MM. WOW girls, if i could do it anyone can! i have a ton lifted off my back THANK GOD
Blind Illusion Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Now when i see him, i don't shake or have heart palputations. I don't care anymore!! i NEVER thought i'd feel this way towards my MM. That's great RedRose...good for you. Especially, because I know how it is when it seems like everything reminds you of MM. You can stop at a red light or see a furniture store & somehow you trace that back to a MM memory. You work with him, too, so that must be particularly hard. It seems like you are heading towards a good place-good for you.
Walking away Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 I am so happy for you Redrose! I wouldn't tell right now either. I agree with everything Art said... Besides, everyone has things in their past that they aren't comfortable sharing at the beginning of a budding relationship. Wait until you are comfortable telling the new guy. You go girl!
ttmmpp Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 I wouldn't tell, at least not right away. Sometime down the line if things are still going great, and you know he won't judge you (maybe). But even then I would only do it if it came up for some reason or another. Good Luck!!
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