Ssheena Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 My Bf (of 7 months now) recently got a good job that he loves. I live in CO and he in CA so I fly out to see him and he is planning on coming out to see me. This past week he has been distant. His job is getting him home later and later and on the days that I work I have to get up at 4:25 a.m. We usually (and still) send email everyday or chat with the webcam etc. I admit that I wish that he would be home earlier and have more time for me and I reacted (as I have in the past) by pulling back. Ie, well, I'm not going to stay up and wait for him cause I have to go to work the next day and my work is as important to me as his is to him. Yesterday we talked on the phone and I didn't feel like he was really there. I called him back and asked him if everything was ok and told him I worried. He said not to worry. Then last night I again asked him if everything was ok and he said he was feeling "spread out" and distracted. He has a lot going on now - learning new job, vehicle/transportation issues, getting new roommates, bills etc. He apologized for being distracted. This guy and I have a history and I am reliving a terrible part of it. I'm going out to see him on Thursday and he said he wanted to get a hotel room and just hang out there for a night. I am terrified he is going to tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore or that he can't handle having a girlfriend right now. I am thinking that he feels like he "has" to email me or call me and tell me he is going to be late and that he is doing things because he feels obligated to, and I know that will cause resentment. My gut feeling is this is what is going to happen. A few years back when I visited him (now granted this is when he was in love with someone else but not with her - she didn't like him) I was all excited about going to see him and he gave me the impression he was excited to see me and then when I got there, a few days later, he gave me the "I don't want to have a girlfriend" speech. If he is going to break up with me, I'd rather do it over the webcam than have me fly out there and do it in person. I'm not sure if I should tell him how this is affecting me and push him and I wish I could put myself first here. I also don't know if this is the byproduct of going back on a very low dosage of Prozac or not but I was feeling very, very anxious last night and nearly had to take an Ativan. I scared of getting hurt again by him but on the other hand, I don't want him to stay with me because he doesn't want to hurt me. Should I tell him how I'm feeling? Should I just push down my anxieties and go out to visit him and try to act normal? Thanks.
Outcast Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 You have to stop yourself from wanting him to devote all his free time to you even when he's busy. You have to stop yourself from freaking out when he has obligations other than you. I am constantly amazed at people of my gender who want their men to be obsessed with them to the point that they can focus on them no matter how much else is going on in their lives. Instead of thinking about what he is or is not doing for you, why not think about how you can support him and lessen his burden when he's already overcommitted.
lexilas Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Don't make assumptions - you don't really know what he's going to say. The best thing to do for now is to keep your insecurities to yourself, bite the bullet and fly out to see what he has to say. Be brave, best wishes.
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