RedRose3373 Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Hello all OK as u all know i walked away from my 3 year affair exactly 1 month ago. I haven't spoken to my ex MM in 1 month. I do see him at work sometimes but we just ignore each other. I went on Match.com 2 weeks ago, to meet new people & move on with my life. I went on my 3rd date last night & it was the best first date I ever had. The man was so nice, seems so honest & just is a plain great man. He was amazed that i wasn't married yet, he said i am amazing & perfect! I am seeing him again next wednesay & next friday. I was just wondering, how long do u think u need before starting to date someone after ending a relationship. I usually give it 2 or 3 months but i just happened to meet a great guy only 1 month after the MM split. I like this man, so far, i DO NOT want it to be a rebound relationship. How do i stop it from being a rebound?? (Keep in mind back in October I was totally fed up, I walked away from my MM once again & dated someone for a month that i wasn't crazy about, but when that ended stupid me went back to the MM.) Any advice on when u should date again>
Walking away Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about when to date after a relationship ends. Some people heal faster than others. Anyway, Redrose, you may have grieved the "loss" of your relationship with your MM WHILE you were still in that relationship. I know, probably many of us OW intellectually know that our relationships have a great chance of being doomed, so to speak, so we do some grieving during the relationship. And, many women, when they realize that the relationship is over, walk away and never look back. I know I am that way....I may hem and haw for a while, but once my mind is made up, I walk away and that is the end of the story. You may be that way also. If so, you did most of your healing during the demise of the relationship. I am so happy for you. Keep us posted. You are an inspiration to those who are struggling to be free of the pull of the affair with the MM!
newbby Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 i dont know if time is as important as self awareness here. as long as you are conscious of your reasons for wanting this relationship, that is, is it purely ego needs and healing from mm's rejection that you are seeking? its not a bad thing if it is, but you need to be aware of it, so that you can check these things long the way. take it slow, and always observe your own emotional state along the way. do you still have resentment toward your mm somewhere in there? is there any need at all to prove anything to him through this new relationship? do you have any lingering mistrust of relationships and men? if you do, it doesnt mean that you should not date, it is just healthy to know about all of these things, so that you know where you are, which is important. it is more important than knowing where he is at, because we only get into bad relationships through blindness to our own inner state. aside from all of that, good for you for moving on!
newbby Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 good post walking away, many of us do heal along the way, as there are constant to-ing and fro-ing in these relationships. each backward step forces you to resolve another issue, and each forward one comes with a little more calmness.
Walking away Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I'd say my situation is much like you said Newbby. Ten steps forward, nine steps back...but I am slowly moving in the right direction. And the grieving is being done as I do it...
Author RedRose3373 Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 Walking Away I think u hit it right on the nose. I am that exact way that u described. I took & took a lot of crap & hurt during the relationship & then when i had enough & totally fed up, i walked away. Yes I grieved a lot during the relationship, which each montht that passed, i got more & more fed up until BOOM, that was it! I couldn't take anymore. I just was totally fed up with my MM & sick & tired of the relationship that i didn't want it anymore & i let go. So u r absolutely correct. I am the same way u r. No, this new relationship is not an ego thing. No there is nothing that i want to prove to my MM with this new relationship, I honestly don't even want him to know about anything i do. Yeah so u r right. I don't think there are any rules. I was totally fed up with the affair & did grieve during the relationship & walked away & never looked back. I could honestly say that during this whole month of NC, i never had the desire to talk with my MM. I was done! & done for good. & once i reach that point, there is no turning back. So ladies i am living proof that u could walk away from the affair & find a good, single man that will put u first & not last like the MM did. If i could do it ANYONE could do it!!
Walking away Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I think that at a certain point in these relationships with these MM, that you just get TIRED. Tired of the vascillating, tired of the stress, tired of the pain, tired of the roller coaster ride....just tired. And when you get to that point, you just throw your hands up in the air and say, "That's it. I'm DONE with this!" It just isn't worth it anymore....and THEN, is when you leave. Keep it up RedRose! You are doing great! Have fun and be strong!
Guest Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Yes u r correct, u just get soooooo sick & tired of it all. After awhile all u could do is throw your hands up!! Thanks for the advice & i will be strong!! U have no idea how happy i am that i am now out of that horrible relationship. I never thought i'd get out, but i did!!! To think what that man did to me, makes me sick!! Girls, run as fast as u can to get away!!! If i did it anyone can
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