fooled Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I guess all the recent activity from her has me kind of missing her again. Like I did around Week 3-4. There have been several times today when I've thought that if she just shows up at my place - I'll let her in and we can talk. WHAT AM I - NUTS?!?!!! First - I don't want her energy in my apartment again! Second - she is an unstoppable lying machine! Thirdly, and think about this - she is somebody else's girlfriend now and she's drunk dialing ME at 2-5AM. Who wants to revisit that kind of sh*t? Not me. But still - the missing continues.
cal gal Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I guess all the recent activity from her has me kind of missing her again. Like I did around Week 3-4. There have been several times today when I've thought that if she just shows up at my place - I'll let her in and we can talk. WHAT AM I - NUTS?!?!!! First - I don't want her energy in my apartment again! Second - she is an unstoppable lying machine! Thirdly, and think about this - she is somebody else's girlfriend now and she's drunk dialing ME at 2-5AM. Who wants to revisit that kind of sh*t? Not me. But still - the missing continues. OMG Fooled Nooooooooo! God - you have been so great and so strong. DO NOT go there. She is drunk dialing you and you don't even drink! How could you think this is a match made in heaven? You will find someone much more compatible if you look around, someone who is much more to your liking. The memories are just too damn easy to fall back on as a crutch. I am going to dinner shortly with a very nice and wonderful man. I am surely not thinking that I will get married again for at least ten years so - is he perfect? well - not that I can tell... is he fun? yes. Also is he great and amazing in other ways that I expect? yes. Just move forward honey, even if it is not ideal! No one says you need to figure on spending time with only people you might marry! DISTRACT yourself. HAVE FUN, LIVE a little! I don't do this as much as I should - however I am getting out tonight because my kids are gone for the evening and I haven't been socializing much recently. Besides - as you know we are expecting rain for the next few days and I am not used to the rain making me feel so bummed out, sooooooo. Get going honey!
UT_longhorn Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 what she's doing to you is plain wrong. shes hurt you so much and then even afterwards shes doing more damage. and its so understandable that you feel about her showing up at your door. im almost gonna guess that in some odd way you wish she would show up at your door. but fooled ... i think you know that this girl is poisonous to you. don't give her any headway. i would sent a text or email that tells her not to contact you. all you've done was ignore, but i think you need to send her a clear message to her to stop. because look what its doing to you now....setting you back. would you want to get back with her? would you want to be friends with her in the near future? im gonna guess no to both. i think its natural to want to talk, but i think you should be very honest with yourself and tell her to quit.
THX2000 Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I guess all the recent activity from her has me kind of missing her again. Like I did around Week 3-4. There have been several times today when I've thought that if she just shows up at my place - I'll let her in and we can talk. WHAT AM I - NUTS?!?!!! First - I don't want her energy in my apartment again! Second - she is an unstoppable lying machine! Thirdly, and think about this - she is somebody else's girlfriend now and she's drunk dialing ME at 2-5AM. Who wants to revisit that kind of sh*t? Not me. But still - the missing continues. Hey man, I feel your pain. 4 months out for me now and I am doig really well but sometimes like you say the feelings come rushing back and I miss her. I just try and remember all the rotten things she did to me and it puts those feelings to bed. Keep your head up buddy - it's going to continue getting better!
helena abadi Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I guess all the recent activity from her has me kind of missing her again. Like I did around Week 3-4. There have been several times today when I've thought that if she just shows up at my place - I'll let her in and we can talk. WHAT AM I - NUTS?!?!!! First - I don't want her energy in my apartment again! Second - she is an unstoppable lying machine! Thirdly, and think about this - she is somebody else's girlfriend now and she's drunk dialing ME at 2-5AM. Who wants to revisit that kind of sh*t? Not me. But still - the missing continues. what would you talk about? i don't think you should, but let's visit the scenario. what do you want to say to her if you could?
Author fooled Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 what would you talk about? i don't think you should, but let's visit the scenario. what do you want to say to her if you could? Thanks, all! That's a great question, Helena. All I think I would tell her that she really doesn't want to hear what I have to say to her. Cal gal - I stopped drinking when we broke up. I'm too prone to drunk dialing her - so I removed the source. I really don't intend to have a conversation with her. I plan to continue to not listen to messages if they occur. Again (but I've been wrong so far), I think the calls will stop now. It is clear to her that I am not just busy and am in fact, consciously ignoring her. Strange how those feelings came out today. Maybe my brain got tired of thinking of other stuff I was concentrating on today.
helena abadi Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 that's why perhaps it would be helpful to tell us, if it's possible on this forum, rather than tell her. at least then you have released the energy. and can move on. i think many of us have a rave in our heads we want to say to the ex, if we had the opportunity. drunk dialing or texting seems to be more common than i previously thought, meaning i thought i was the only one.... giving drink away is a healthy step to recovery. drink makes you melancholy, sentimental, which are dangerous emotions and throw you back into the pit of despair, and prone to drunk dialing texting etc. my ex also did a bit of that, and i learned to put my phone on silent at times i knew he would do that, so there was no way i could get hooked in again.
Author fooled Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 Good job on the silent phone. I looked into call blocking - my telephone provider only offers it against callers who have blocked their outgoing number. I don't have a particular rave right now. I would just be repeating what I've posted the past 2 months. That I'm angry, I don't give a rat's a$$ about her feelings because she disregarded mine for a year. That whatever she believes, she didn't love me - and I'm okay with that. It's okay to not love me - there are millions of women who don't.
helena abadi Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 i like that - it's okay not to love me there are millions of women who don't - i'm gonna steal it! yes, i guess what you've posted the past two months pretty much is what you would want to say to her. by ignoring her, you are getting your power back. silent is violent. there's nothing worse than being ignored.
Author fooled Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 by ignoring her, you are getting your power back. silent is violent. there's nothing worse than being ignored. Certainly not for an attention wh*re like her.
helena abadi Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 now you're talkin'... step onto the winner's podium and take a bow
bendit Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Fooled, its perfectly normal to think about seeing the ex and actually wanting to have a conversation. So don't concern yourself with that. You are doing a fantastic job with NC. Treasure your NC and know what breaking would do to your healing. My biggest learning experience was not taking NC serious enough and allowing incidental contact. Even a tiny amount destabilises you and that's what you are feeling now. Its normal. Imagine yourself a strong powerful man (you are!) who has a clear idea of where he is taking his life and what behavior is going to benefit him. And contact clearly will not! Tell yourself that JUST FOR TODAY, I won't have contact. And then in the evening, acknowledge how wonderful it was to maintain NC and how strong and powerful you were...today. And repeat this exercise daily. She is a USER and she is being exposed as a CON by you and your show of strength. She is off USING others now. Don't ever allow her to use you again. Fooled, you are an inspiration to me and plenty of other folks here. You are a strong powerful force and will get 100% through this in as quick a time as possible, if you maintain your NC. And you will! regards
bendit Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Another option I use at home is something called Distinctive Ring. And its on my physical phone. I didn't need the phone company. This is for my HOME land line, not a cell. This feature, which I can activate from the phone book, allows me to associate a particular ring with a particular number. The neat thing is that it also allows NO RING option. So I have set it up so that any of her numbers will not ring on my home phone and I did it all without the phone company getting involved. See if your carrier offers distinctive ring. If the home phone is a problem, look for a phone that offers this feature. My phone is a Uniden. regards
Ariadne Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I guess all the recent activity from her has me kind of missing her again. Like I did around Week 3-4. I think that if she calls you drunk again you are not going to resist Ariadne
Author fooled Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 I guess all the recent activity from her has me kind of missing her again. Like I did around Week 3-4. I think that if she calls you drunk again you are not going to resist Ariadne I am usually not awake after midnight - and she's not drunk enough or there are still male companionship options open then - for her to call while I'm still awake. I'll be able to resist the calls. It's the unannounced visit, where I'm trapped - and we are physically close together - that will be the biggest temptation. At this moment, I am disgusted by the thought of kissing her, knowing the scum she's been sleeping with. If she showed up right now - I would definitely be more angry than under her spell. Thanks for all the kind words, Bendit! Strange feeling to think of myself as an inspiration.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Fooled, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't because I still have obsessive thoughts about my ex. Although, you are doing something I don't think I have the strength to do -- you're ignoring her attempts to suck you back into the previous dysfunction. Don't be so hard on yourself for thinking about her again, because your mind's thoughts aren't as easy to control as your physical response. You're doing fine....better than most. Certainly better than I.
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