konfuzd Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 I have been posting about my situation with this guy over several months, and typically I would not put up with as much drama and confusion from someone, but for the first time in my life, I get shivers up my spine when I'm with this guy, it's driving me insane and consuming my thoughts. In brief: we've had about 6 or 7 dates over the course of 6 months. Obviously, I'd like to see him a lot more, but he has been battling some serious personal issues, and thus has been somewhat of an emotional wreck and has become a self proclaimed 'shut in' for a while as he deals with these things. I fully support him, and let him know I'm available to him whether he needs to talk, or just get away and give his mind a rest from his problems. Every time we've gone out, he insists on paying. I always offer, but he won't let me (besides the couple times I've intercepted our waitress and paid before he saw the bill). He also sends me really cute text messages which fully show that he's interested in me. The problem is, we've only had one tiny peck of a kiss, (on our first date, and I initiated it). Each date after that just ends in an awkward goodbye. He usually just turns from me, and doesn't even leave me an opportunity. I am a very "touchy-feely" type of person, I always touch his arm, give him a bit of a back rub and such when we are together, but that affection has never been returned. I have never met anyone with such a well matched personality to my own, and I definately am longing for a physical relationship with this guy. He's not shy at all when we are talking, he's qute the opposite, very outgoing, the conversation never has awkard pauses, and we are constantly splitting our sides laughing together. One one hand, I'm thrilled that he's not trying everything in his power to get in my pants, (like the majority of the guys I've dated before) but on the other hand, I don't know if I can deal with the lack of affection. Any advice?
travellingman Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 I have never met anyone with such a well matched personality to my own Most important sentence in your post. Longer I stay married, more I realize the importance of compatibility, as opposed to attraction and lust. You're going to have to step it up with him if you want to take this further, if he feels the same as you, he's probably too afraid of being hurt to make more of an effort.
Author konfuzd Posted March 1, 2006 Author Posted March 1, 2006 Thanks for the reply, Travellingman. You're going to have to step it up with him. Well, I took your advice and asked him out for saturday night, and he accepted. Wish me luck! if he feels the same as you, he's probably too afraid of being hurt to make more of an effort I can only hope! Again wish me luck for Saturday night, and let's just hope he's not the type to be intimidated by an assertive woman, because I'm going to make a move.
Mary3 Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 You might have to. See how he reacts when you give him a kiss. Is it possible he sees you as a buddy ?
Author konfuzd Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 Is it possible he sees you as a buddy ? There are definately signs that he sees me as potentially more than a friend: -he always insists on paying on our dates -he constantly asks questions about my intentions in regards to having children, past relationships and if I have a problem with a 10 year age gap between us (I'm 25, he's 35) -he works night shift, and on special occasions (Valentine's day for one) he calls me or txts me while at work saying things like, "wish I had the day off, so I could see you" and other things which indicate interest He's definately not the type of person to open up and share his feelings, so I think it would make him very uncomfortable to right out ask him. I think I need to bring it up in a flirty, lighthearted way (any ideas would be much appreciated here!)... or just go in for the kiss and see what happens.... you never know unless you try, right? Since it's driving me crazy wondering what is going on, I think the peace of mind will be much better, even if it's not what I'm wishing for.
monkey00 Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 There are definately signs that he sees me as potentially more than a friend: -he always insists on paying on our dates -he constantly asks questions about my intentions in regards to having children, past relationships and if I have a problem with a 10 year age gap between us (I'm 25, he's 35) -he works night shift, and on special occasions (Valentine's day for one) he calls me or txts me while at work saying things like, "wish I had the day off, so I could see you" and other things which indicate interest He's definately not the type of person to open up and share his feelings, so I think it would make him very uncomfortable to right out ask him. I think I need to bring it up in a flirty, lighthearted way (any ideas would be much appreciated here!)... or just go in for the kiss and see what happens.... you never know unless you try, right? Since it's driving me crazy wondering what is going on, I think the peace of mind will be much better, even if it's not what I'm wishing for. Wait, whats this got to do with infatuation? well i just read your last post. It's clearly obvious he sees you more than a friend. But since you guys are just starting out, i think it's too soon to ask him...it'll only freak him out. I'd advise the best time to ask where this is going is probably the 1 - 4 month mark (preferrably a month). But be ready to prepare your own answer as well, when you do ask.
Author konfuzd Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 I'd advise the best time to ask where this is going is probably the 1 - 4 month mark (preferrably a month). It's been 6 months. I think it's due time to find out if things are going anywhere. The "infatuation" title basically comes from the fact that I can't get this guy off my mind. I've dated other people over the last 6 months, who under other circumstances, I'd be all over, but I can't get this one guy out of my head.
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