justhavetoletgo Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 Its only been 3 days since we broke up I still hvae trouble sleeping and from what i have been reading i will for a little bit. I was wondering how long you should wait until after a breakup. I was dumped and naturally am a total mess right now.I have known this girl for about 3 years and have always talked sometimes months in between. we met at work when I was a teenager, I am now 21 she is 20 and we are going out tonight just for a coffee or something another friend is coming along as well. I guess I just wanted to know I have always thought of her to be good looking and definately don't want to get into something and then hurt her like freaking 3 weeks later. I guess I just wanted to know how do you know when its time to start dating again I don't believe in the rebound thing that will probaly just make me feel worse and then I am no better then my ex. I jusr hate feeling like crap all the time right now I have gut feelings that my ex is already dating someone possibly started when we were on a break for a while. I dunno if this makes sense to anyone basically I don't want to hurt this girl and want to know if I should even attampt to start dating her
Curmudgeon Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 In my case I waited two years before going out after the end of a 25-year marriage. You don't have that much baggage, I'm sure. I recognized that I needed to do some work on me before trying to be with someone else. In your case I'd say that the right time to try again is when you're perfoectly comfortable with only your own company.
Brittanyjean06 Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 three days? Well be prepared for it to be like that for the next cuple of months, and than things will be on and off. You are not ready for dating..right after a break up. Thats where you come in..you need to have time for your self, time to find out who you are...why things changed the way they did.. Not jump in to another relationship...It's hard not to want to ..but than after a little bit your just like eh what am i doing? thats pain for you, and it happens to all of us.. can't eat, can't sleep, can't be happy...and you are stuck feeling unbearable pain.. but things do get better..youll be ready for a relationship maybe in a year.. or two years.. Thats the time range I think is best..You had a life before them..you can have a life after them..It just takes a little bit more, and thats healing for you.
Ariadne Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 three days? Well be prepared for it to be like that for the next cuple of months, and than things will be on and off. LOL Ariadne
Author justhavetoletgo Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 I never meant that I was going to ask her out I was just wondering to myself how long should you wait before you know.............obviously probaly everyones first reaction is a rebound and I don't want to hurt someone like that so I was just wondering
In Sync Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 There's no hard and set rules about how long one should wait to date after a breakup..its an individual thing... case by case basis..I mean how emotional deep were you into this girl...your question seems to imply..not much or maybe you are looking for a way to avoid the onslaught of heartache that surely will come...give yourself time to see where you are, WHO you are when not in a relationhip. Dating should be a pleasurable thing not a bandaid to cover up wounds...
BigB Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 IMO you are ready to date again when you can look back on your past relationship, and talk about your past relationship, without getting upset. Without crying, without wanting to call her, etc. When you can look back and laugh at yourself, when you look back and think "what was I thinking?", when you can see why the past relationship didn't work, when you can see your own faults and work on them. When you can see her faults and learn to recognize them in future girls. When you feel happy and content being alone. You are ready. It took me almost 6 years to get back to that point once...
climbergirl Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 IMO you are ready to date again when you can look back on your past relationship, and talk about your past relationship, without getting upset. Without crying, without wanting to call her, etc. When you can look back and laugh at yourself, when you look back and think "what was I thinking?", when you can see why the past relationship didn't work, when you can see your own faults and work on them. When you can see her faults and learn to recognize them in future girls. When you feel happy and content being alone. You are ready. It took me almost 6 years to get back to that point once... Good answer. However, dating and being committed are two different things. I have found that getting out with people can be very cathartic as you are not reliving any drama and both are out together to enjoy each others company. Just be honest if you don't feel ready to commit.
BigB Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Good answer. However, dating and being committed are two different things. I have found that getting out with people can be very cathartic as you are not reliving any drama and both are out together to enjoy each others company. Just be honest if you don't feel ready to commit. True, I probably should've said you're not ready for any kind of commitment till then. For me, I don't really casually date. If I'm not interested in a LTR with a girl, she's probably only gonna be my friend. So I didn't think of that. I will also say that spending time out with friends and having some fun as a "single" person is a great way to heal. Sitting at home thinking about her is going to drag it out. Sure you're still gonna miss her, but you do it anyways, and at some point you're gonna go "woah, I didn't think about her all day".
climbergirl Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 True, I probably should've said you're not ready for any kind of commitment till then. For me, I don't really casually date. If I'm not interested in a LTR with a girl, she's probably only gonna be my friend. So I didn't think of that. I will also say that spending time out with friends and having some fun as a "single" person is a great way to heal. Sitting at home thinking about her is going to drag it out. Sure you're still gonna miss her, but you do it anyways, and at some point you're gonna go "woah, I didn't think about her all day". No, your answer was good!........I'm just pointing out that getting out is a great way to get over someone as you can get a perspective on what you need/want in a person or, moreover, what you weren't getting from your previous partner........however, I do like the casual dating scene as long as no sex is involved.....WAAAAYYYY too much emotion too soon in the game. It just sounds like the OP is not ready for that much this soon.
longlegzs80 Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I really think that it depends on who dumped who in the relationship and how much of a conection you had with your partner and how the overall relationship played out. Quick story. Afew days ago I had to end my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years because of many reasons and how he treated me etc. He was the one who was more connected to me in the relationship. I would of been and felt closer to him but told him on several occasions that everytime he would say something hateful and nasty to me it would distant me from him and that is what exactly happened. I couldn't take being controled anymore. So, my thing is it really depends on how you felt about him throughout the relationship and what kind of connection the both of you had. Personally, I see no problem with staying single or start dating if there is someone who is interested in you who wants to enter into the picture. But that is just me. If your the type of person who needs that healing time, then enjoy being single, nothing wrong with that. Enjoy it and embrace it.
Author justhavetoletgo Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 IMO you are ready to date again when you can look back on your past relationship, and talk about your past relationship, without getting upset. Without crying, without wanting to call her, etc. When you can look back and laugh at yourself, when you look back and think "what was I thinking?", when you can see why the past relationship didn't work, when you can see your own faults and work on them. When you can see her faults and learn to recognize them in future girls. When you feel happy and content being alone. You are ready. It took me almost 6 years to get back to that point once... well in this case its gonna be awhile
qnmc Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Definitely get out of the house. I know every fiber of your being may be telling you to go into your cave, like it did me, but I've always found that no matter how much I wanted to "hide," once I was out with my friends it made a world of difference. It reminds me, especially during my darker moods, that I have several people in the world who love me unconditionally.
qnmc Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 One more thing, being so fresh off the breakup you'll probably get tons of advice on how to deal with it. One thing that annoyed me most in retrospect is people telling me to "just get over it." While they meant well, the advice is perfectly bad. Your feelings are honest, pure, and raw. When you feel sad, feel sad... when you feel like crying, cry your eyes out (seriously it's quite a release - women know this, men don't ... when you feel like yelling at the top of your lungs, yell (in your car or some where private of course). Also, go work out. Seriously, this is the best thing I did for myself. Immediately after the breakup all I wanted to do was go to my cave and be sad. But I made a smart move during this time and made a deal with myself - I could be as sad as I wanted to, cry my eyes out as much as I wanted to, but only after I hit the gym. What happened was I found I didn't necessarily need to cry or feel that sad afterwards. Sure I still felt blue, but not nearly as blue as I was before working out. See, there's actually a connection between exercise and the "happy" chemicals in your brain, those chemicals get kicked into overdrive during and following a workout. The other fringe benefit is that you'll look and feel great, so that when you are ready to engage the opposite sex you'll be irresistable.
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