jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 Everyday I try my best to stay engaged and focused in activities that should help keep my mind off of him and that he dumped me last month. And yet, none of it seems to be working. Even when I'm at my busiest, my stupid brain keeps thinking about him. Wondering. Analyzing. Feeling pain. Getting teary-eyed. It's driving me batty. It seems like everything I see and do reminds me of him. And I can't figure out a way to tune out the feelings and thoughts about him.
Devildog Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 Negative re-inforcement prehaps? Every time you find yourself thinking about him snap your self with a rubber band. Sorry, that is all I got besides the routine "time heals all wounds" schtick.
In Sync Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 Everyday I try my best to stay engaged and focused in activities that should help keep my mind off of him and that he dumped me last month. And yet, none of it seems to be working. Even when I'm at my busiest, my stupid brain keeps thinking about him. Wondering. Analyzing. Feeling pain. Getting teary-eyed. It's driving me batty. It seems like everything I see and do reminds me of him. And I can't figure out a way to tune out the feelings and thoughts about him. It sounds like you are being very hard on yourself...it's natural that you are going through an array of emotions..especially since its been a month that this happened to you. I lost my mom and the ex, at the same time...and though that was four months ago, and I feel somewhat stronger I am forever analyzing, feeling pain and CRYING! Still. I don't think we ever stop loving or having feeling for those that leave us, but the soul has to go through its own process before getting to the point where the pain doesn't consume us. Don't force yourself to go against it..even if it means thinking about him. Because you just end up feeling bad because you think you shouldn't be thinking about him. Feeling pain is a sign that you are a sensitive person..that's way more beautiful than being cold aloof and indifferent...cut off from feeling anything...consider your sensitivty as a special gift.
johan Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 It might be an helpful mental exercise to try to pretend you have no past whatsoever. Just force yourself not only to not think about him, but not to think about yesterday or last week or any part of your past at all. It's maybe a "good in theory, but hard in practise" thing. Depends how good you are at playing mental games with yourself. I did it though after I broke up with my ex. I just forced myself to think only about my future and present. It was such a relief. I REALLY didn't want to waste any time feeling miserable, because I knew it would take a long time to recover. Here's the rationale: the past doesn't exist. It's only kept alive in your memory and obsessing. But you don't NEED to do that. You choose to, and it's replaying your past that keeps it in the present. So just let it rest somewhere out of your consciousness for a while. It will be hard at first, because these thoughts you're having are habitual. It gets easier after a while. For me, focusing on the future made me instantly more optimistic. It's not where you've been that counts. It's where you're going.
travellingman Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 And I can't figure out a way to tune out the feelings and thoughts about him. It won't solve it completely, but one thing that will help a little is a rebound date. You don't need to focus on activities, but instead on whether someone else really likes you.
fooled Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 He's an a$$ and I miss you, Jen! It's still pretty new to you - and the physical proximity is working it's ugly magic on you as well. It's going to take you a little longer. I recommend writing an angry letter!
UT_longhorn Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 yes...only been about a month. its normal. give it another month or so...itll be better.
Ariadne Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Everyday I try my best to stay engaged and focused in activities that should help keep my mind off of him and that he dumped me last month. And yet, none of it seems to be working. (Maybe we should all get together and have an orgy or some) Ariadne
LawGirl Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 (Maybe we should all get together and have an orgy or some) Ariadne Count me in... :bunny: I need a little forgetting therapy myself.
Ariadne Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Count me in... Hahaha (I want witabix) Ariadne
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 He's an a$$ and I miss you, Jen! It's still pretty new to you - and the physical proximity is working it's ugly magic on you as well. It's going to take you a little longer. I recommend writing an angry letter! I'm still here. But if I write that letter, I'll be too tempted to send it. Maybe I should send it....I dunno. Then again, he'd probably never open it. Just like he never opened four cards that I gave him...while we still together....and then he had the nerve to return them to me unopened.
Ariadne Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 he never opened four cards that I gave him...while we still together....and then he had the nerve to return them to me unopened. Ahhhhh!!! Ariadne
fooled Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I'm still here. But if I write that letter, I'll be too tempted to send it. Maybe I should send it....I dunno. Then again, he'd probably never open it. Just like he never opened four cards that I gave him...while we still together....and then he had the nerve to return them to me unopened. So post it here!
CaliGuy Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Everyday I try my best to stay engaged and focused in activities that should help keep my mind off of him and that he dumped me last month. And yet, none of it seems to be working. Even when I'm at my busiest, my stupid brain keeps thinking about him. Wondering. Analyzing. Feeling pain. Getting teary-eyed. It's driving me batty. It seems like everything I see and do reminds me of him. And I can't figure out a way to tune out the feelings and thoughts about him. Jen, it's hard to truly let go but you have to. That's the only way to tune these feelings out and move on with your life. Do you love that person enough to say "I'm happy they are happy, even if it's not with me" and let it be? Trust me, I still have days when I think of her but every day I think of her a little bit less. I respect myself enough to say "Hey, it's over. I tried my best and it didn't work out. There's someone out there better for me so the more time I waste thinking about my ex the longer it will take for me to meet Ms. Right."
Becoming Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 It sounds like you are being very hard on yourself...it's natural that you are going through an array of emotions..especially since its been a month that this happened to you. I lost my mom and the ex, at the same time...and though that was four months ago, and I feel somewhat stronger I am forever analyzing, feeling pain and CRYING! Still. I don't think we ever stop loving or having feeling for those that leave us, but the soul has to go through its own process before getting to the point where the pain doesn't consume us. Don't force yourself to go against it..even if it means thinking about him. Because you just end up feeling bad because you think you shouldn't be thinking about him. Feeling pain is a sign that you are a sensitive person..that's way more beautiful than being cold aloof and indifferent...cut off from feeling anything...consider your sensitivty as a special gift. While I agree that you have to just let this grief run its course, these emotions can make you nonfunctional and that's not good if you've got to work to feed yourself. A trick I've learned is to set aside a certain amount of time to deal with the emotions by journalling or swimming hard and thinking (no one can tell you're crying in the pool!) or whatever works for you. Set a timer, and get up, tuck the feelings away until next time, and just go on. Easier said than done, of course. And if you get so stuck you can't put the feelings away, it's probably time to see someone for professional help. Good for you, jen, though, in taking initiative for some solutions.
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