shannablue79 Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 I need some help, I have a big problem. I am a married man and have been for 10 years. For the last 3-4 years I have been falling farther and farther out of love for her. We are still very good friends but I dont feel like I am in love with her any more. Ok, now what I need your help with. I met some one else. This person is so great I have been seeing her for about 5 months now and I really feel like I am in love with her. She makes me feel like im a kid again. I really see this woman in every thoght I have about me future. I have 30yrs of my life I will need to leave behind to be with her and of all the material things to leave, I could care less, my only concern is hurting my wife and leaving her by herself. Please help me and give me some advice. Thank you.
Barby Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 I think you should just be honest with your wife. Deceiving your partner, lying about your happiness by allowing her to feel all is okay...in all honesty it isn't fair to any of you involved... If you're sure leaving your wife to be with this other woman is what you really want then that is what you need to do. My advice is to do so as quickly and as clearly as you can. I wouldn't give her false hope of a trial seperation if you're sure it's over, be hone
Barby Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 I wouldn't give her false hope of a trial seperation if you're sure it's over, be honest about how you really feel and I think you letting her know that you've fallen for someone else so that she doesn't learn it from someone else. I'm sure others will have advice as well....I would love to know how this plays out.....I hope you'll keep us informed. (sorry I clicked post too early and am unable to edit the first one. Sorry)
cal gal Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 SB- I think you are kidding yourself. You don't have feelings for your wife anymore because all your energy and thoughts are going toward the OW. This is not fair to your wife or anyone else. If you want the other woman that badly - then divorce your wife AND THEN start to see the OW. Take the proper order and the pain will be less for those involved. You MAY be able to leave with some of your self respect this way. If you continue in the fashion that you have been, there is nothing to say that can make it right.
scarletletter Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 In my opinion, life is much too short to live a lie or to be unhappy. Yes, you made a vow and a commitment. Doesn't mean that things won't change as the years go by. Do what you feel you need to do. Look deep inside yourself and ask the question..."what do I really want to do with the rest of my life? Who do I want to spend it with?" You might take a break from the OW for a while just to see if that is what you really want. If it is, then go for it and be honest with your wife. It really sucks to go through life wondering "what if"? Good luck ...whatever you decide, it won't be easy. Opportunities are often disguised as hard work, that is often why they are not recognized. I heard that somewhere....
travellingman Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 If you want the other woman that badly - then divorce your wife AND THEN start to see the OW. He just started seeing the OW, how can he really know? What you've suggested is well-meaning, but typical for the LSers who would rather preach than give practical advice.
travellingman Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 This person is so great I have been seeing her for about 5 months now. How often do you guys see/talk to each other? Have you acknowledged your feelings to her? What does she do/say/have that your wife doesn't?
scarletletter Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 How often do you guys see/talk to each other? Have you acknowledged your feelings to her? What does she do/say/have that your wife doesn't? All good questions...I'm sure part of the answers would all be related to sex. New sex, different sex, different techniques, different person....all very exciting to some who has been married for years.
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