amerikajin Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I would like to say that attraction starts with character - except that it doesn't. Attraction starts with attraction. Intelligence, to me, is a part of the attraction factor. I immediately notice a woman's looks and go from there - that's nature calling. But after a good ten to 20 minutes or so, I can tell whether or not she's got the brains and, more importantly, the depth to go any further with me. I don't necessarily think a person has to be intelligent in the scholastic sense; I'd much rather a woman have a thoughtful discussion about her spirituality or about her life than about politics - even though I tend to be something of a political junkie myself. I say that because while history and politics is interesting to me, I think it's generally bulls*** when you get right down to it. But when a woman talks about herself or about life experiences and people...that's real to me. However, there's no question that character is the final determinant as to whether someone is marriage material in my eyes. If I think they're into manipulation; if I think they're too full of themselves or dishonest, then I won't bother going much further. In the end, we look for equals. We look for people who perhaps have strengths that we lack, and in turn, we want to feel like we're contributing to their well-being as well.
lindya Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I guess people define intelligence by their own level or slightly above. I'd want someone who I could stimulating conversations with, but I'd also need to feel within my comfort zone a good chunk of the time (if you're in a relationship with that person, it's not all razor sharp conversation; you need to be able to chill out with them too). Someone with, say, an IQ of 175 and the rapier wit of Dorothy Parker and Oscar Wilde's lovechild would not necessarily be someone I could relax and feel comfortable with....so rather than saying that intelligence is vital, I'd say that intellectual and philosophical compatibility is.
jerbear Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I love intelligent and beautiful women, IMHO. Beauty eventually goes away. Intelligence (EQ, IQ, etc...) all matter. It takes physical attraction before intelligence attraction. You have to say hi first before finding out their name (if you care) and that they have an AS, BS, MS, and many others. After the "how was work" conversation, communicaiton and conversations are needed. One person working on a refinancing the mortgage and political view while the other person focusing on just watching; will make one party eventually lose interest. In my experience, some of those that have higher degrees are more oblivious when you ask them something else then their core subject. When it comes to being in a comfort zone, a curiosity for life is something I look for. Travel is one thing that I do and it opens up one's mind very well. I've encountered highly intelligent women and they question and analyze everything; many just don't have the ability to make quick common sense decisions. My view is that physical attraction gets you to say hi, intelligence keeps your interests.
lindya Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 In my experience, some of those that have higher degrees are more oblivious when you ask them something else then their core subject. I guess because the bulk of their time and energy has to be devoted to the core subject. Also, if someone's a known expert in one particular area, they might be reluctant to demonstrate knowledge in other areas for fear of antagonising other people. My sister-in-law can be a bit funny about people who have degrees and professional qualifications, and I think she secretly feels a bit insecure about this. She often makes reference to "pretentious intellectuals" and her own superior education at the University of Life. In order to prevent family friction and allegations that I'm a PI, I tend to sit and nod with polite interest as she lectures me about a spectrum of topics...from feng shui to early English porcelain. Consequently, she takes the view that I'm generally a clueless density who just happens to be good at sitting exams. Who's to say she isn't correct? For practical purposes, and bearing in mind the subjective nature of these qualities, in any situation you're only as smart, funny and attractive as the person sitting opposite you thinks you are.
TheSwordfish Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I am a teacher at primary school, so I know a lot of things about a lot of subjects. Also studied history and geography for a while. Having knowledge comes in handy sometimes. The university of life is nice, but isn't everyone in the world in it?
lindya Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 The university of life is nice, but isn't everyone in the world in it? Well....yes, but some do tend to pay more attention and get better grades than others.
bab Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 In order to prevent family friction and allegations that I'm a PI, I tend to sit and nod with polite interest as she lectures me about a spectrum of topics...from feng shui to early English porcelain. Consequently, she takes the view that I'm generally a clueless density who just happens to be good at sitting exams. Who's to say she isn't correct? For practical purposes, and bearing in mind the subjective nature of these qualities, in any situation you're only as smart, funny and attractive as the person sitting opposite you thinks you are. I do this same thing. There are people that I distinctly get the impression that my education frightens them. So, I concentrate on asking them lots of questions that they know something about and (even if I'm not) look extremely interested.
lindya Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I do this same thing. There are people that I distinctly get the impression that my education frightens them. So, I concentrate on asking them lots of questions that they know something about and (even if I'm not) look extremely interested. After the conversation they tell their friends... "I was talking to bab about Footballers' Wives, and she had to ask me what time it was on at. All those letters after her name, and she can't even read the tv listings. That's your university education for you....."
bab Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 "I was talking to bab about Footballers' Wives, and she had to ask me what time it was on at. All those letters after her name, and she can't even read the tv listings. That's your university education for you....." hehe...true, but hey, if it keeps her from thinking I'm a stuck up b**ch, I'll take it!
alphamale Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Just wondering what do you people think? How important is intelligence in your partner? Is your partner a bit ditsy, has stupid moments, or is super intelligence? what type of intelligence are you talking about specifically? there are many different types. I've seen women who have the "intelligence" of a door knob but they can manipulate men easily. I've also seen PhDs who are quite "intelligent" but they have the social graces of a peanut.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I've also seen PhDs who are quite "intelligent" but they have the social graces of a peanut. So you've met my ex?
Outcast Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I tend to sit and nod with polite interest Actually, I'm growing weary of playing dumb, pretending dumb, and remaining silent. Thank God I have a couple of friends I don't have to do that with. But these days I'm half wishing I could go hide away with those folks and forget the rest of the world. It's a constant effort to have to not be me for the sake of the comfort of the audience. Most of all, it feels fake and I HATE that.
lindya Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I've seen women who have the "intelligence" of a door knob but they can manipulate men easily. At the risk of being assassinated, that might be because smarter women sometimes fail to see the wood for the trees. Instinctively feeling repelled by the notion of "obvious", hoping against hope that they'll find a man who feels the same way...and ignoring the fact that "the obvious" is so called because it's what impresses 98% of the male population. I think that's changing, though. I know of three female lawyers who definitely have implants, and a couple more who I suspect do. Eventually, the planet will be run by 350 year olds who have the physical appearance of 19 year olds, IQs of 200 and interchangeable personalities derived from films, historical figures, popular sitcoms, classic novels, etc - stored on CD Rom (or its futuristic equivalent) and capable of being programmed into the brain whilst the humanoid is brushing its enamel implants.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I hate the fact that at certain times, especially in the workplace, I'm expected to coddle the sensitivities of people who aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer.
alphamale Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Eventually, the planet will be run by 350 year olds who have the physical appearance of 19 year olds, IQs of 200 and interchangeable personalities derived from films, historical figures, popular sitcoms, classic novels, etc - stored on CD Rom (or its futuristic equivalent) and capable of being programmed into the brain whilst the humanoid is brushing its enamel implants. you've been watching too much science-fiction...
lindya Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 It's a constant effort to have to not be me for the sake of the comfort of the audience. Most of all, it feels fake and I HATE that. Left to its own devices, my id would behave abysmally in these situations. It would sit back in its chair, stare around the room and yawn noisily before announcing "You're boring me. Stop it." Then it would get up and start raking around in the friend's/sister-in-law's kitchen for something to eat. I've considered allowing my id to run free more often....but then, when I see other people unleashing theirs, the consequences always persuade me against doing so.
Outcast Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I've considered allowing my id to run free more often....but then, when I see other people unleashing theirs, the consequences always persuade me against doing so Hence the need for escaping to safety with only those who are unthreatened by one's id...however few they may be.
Becoming Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 This is why I hate cocktail parties. Small talk bores the snot right out of me. Why should we have to waste our precious time talking about such nonsense? But maybe I have the social intelligence of a peanut . . .
Dinnj1 Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 If this is based on my potential SO? I'd take common sense over intelligence any day. I don't care how quick she can read, write and add. I'd much rather know, then when faced with an easy rational decision, that's its not a problem for her to make the RIGHT one. Sometimes intelligent people have no common sense.
BlahBlahQueen Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 If this is based on my potential SO? I'd take common sense over intelligence any day. I don't care how quick she can read, write and add. I'd much rather know, then when faced with an easy rational decision, that's its not a problem for her to make the RIGHT one. Sometimes intelligent people have no common sense. That may be so, but common sense isn't going to hold my interest or create excitement very long.
Outcast Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 It's definitely not an either-or. You need someone with both and it's bogus to think that they are mutually exclusive.
jerbear Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 I hate the fact that at certain times, especially in the workplace, I'm expected to coddle the sensitivities of people who aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. Sometimes I wonder how they got to be there. Maybe it was that they have been there a few extra years and got promoted because of that. Business is business but there are times the sensitivities need to go out of the window. My sister-in-law can be a bit funny about people who have degrees and professional qualifications, and I think she secretly feels a bit insecure about this. She often makes reference to "pretentious intellectuals" and her own superior education at the University of Life. Very true but you know that even the school of hard knocks is mainly experiance. Now having a university degree on your resume makes one more employable. "More employable" does not mean they will or can be employed. In order to prevent family friction and allegations that I'm a PI, I tend to sit and nod with polite interest as she lectures me about a spectrum of topics...from feng shui to early English porcelain. Consequently, she takes the view that I'm generally a clueless density who just happens to be good at sitting exams. Who's to say she isn't correct? For practical purposes, and bearing in mind the subjective nature of these qualities, in any situation you're only as smart, funny and attractive as the person sitting opposite you thinks you are. Not a clueless density, maybe tell her that her weight is not her mass. Very true about the opposite person thinking who you are. It also helps knowing the facts and being able to hold a smart intelligent conversation. There are few people that are just not into "brainiacs" and some believe the educated man are sexy.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Sometimes I wonder how they got to be there. Maybe it was that they have been there a few extra years and got promoted because of that. Business is business but there are times the sensitivities need to go out of the window. In this case they weren't promoted. They are rather new, actually. And hired for cheap labor, I'm guessing. Often these are the same people who get pissy when they have to take directives from people who are much younger than they are, but who are higher up the office food chain. "Oh, so-and-so was mean to me when they asked me to do something. I'm going to go tell the boss on them. WAAAAAAAAAAA!" Effing babies. There's a reason they haven't advanced their career. I just want to tell them to buck it up and grow a tough skin or they will never survive the business world. I am a sensitive person in my personal life, but never in business. There's enough books in the bookstore to prove the "nice girls don't get ahead" theory.
jerbear Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 There's a reason they haven't advanced their career. I just want to tell them to buck it up and grow a tough skin or they will never survive the business world. I am a sensitive person in my personal life, but never in business. There's enough books in the bookstore to prove the "nice girls don't get ahead" theory. I love business styled women. anyway... I have seen the advanced career. I've been thru different departments, organizations, and I have seen similar things. I even am going to a harder organization, politics and the political machine from corporate. When it comes to money and business I am no joke. I told my SO/(ex? still talking) that when it comes to money and business; I don't joke about money issues. Now why am I on LS, well that is another story It helps to have intelligence, pedigree, born into a family, member of the meritocracy, etc... No amount of any type of intelligence will get you what you want. Life is just not fair at times, many have not learned that.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Jerbear, the difference is that I was born into poverty, without the advantages that others in the affulent area I live in had when they were growing up. Heck, mom and I didn't have a phone and often no electricity. I have had to scrape and claw my way to where I am now. It's been a rough road, and nothing was handed to me. I've gotten by on my wits and intelligence. However, the people that I encounter in the business world who are so uber-sensitive are usually born into privilege or married into it. They have entitlement issues and hate to be challenged.
Recommended Posts