Jealous over girlfriend chatting???

[bones1]

I have talked to a girl online for 2 years, that lives out of the country. During this time, we kept in touch, but also dated others, etc.

 

I am 30, she is 24. I went to her country, and spent 2 months. During this time we hit it off very well, she tells me she wants to be with me forever, and vice versa. We agreed to be exclusive.

 

The way we correspond with each other now that I am back is through instant messenger. I started noticing she keeps changing her picture in the im box, and asked her why. After asking a few times she finally defensively said, "well if you chat with people dont you like to know what they look like?" I did not like this. I met her online, and now she is showing her pictures to whichever men im her.

 

The funny thing is that she is very jealous. She is mad if I go out with friends, does not ever want to hear of a female friend I have, yet makes it very clear that she enjoys chatting, and sharing pictures with strangers. It does not bother me at all if she goes out, and had a normal life while I am gone, but for some reason, when i have time to sit down and chat with her,I hate to think her slow responses are due to her messaging other men. I actually asked if she minds if I chat and search for women, and she became furious. She tells me she is just chatting, and will never meet the people.

 

In my male brain,I would not waste 5 minutes chatting to any women unless I am looking for sex, a girlfreind, someone attractive I would want to get to know etc. Much less share photos. So, my mind is thinking she might be addicted to internet chatting, and maybe even dating. I just cant believe she chats with idle strangers, shares pics, just to pass time and make friends??

 

Am i being too jealous? I am just always wary after several sub par internet relationships, that I dont want to meet anyone addicted to internet chatting, and dating, yet she seems like she might be. So basically I dont want to waste alot of time. What do you think? Do women just chat with men and show pictures for fun with no intent of dating? Or am I right in assuming she is looking for someone else? Or is this not even an issue to be concerned about? I suppose since I met her this way, I am more sensitive about the situation.

[Guest]

Bones,

 

Any chance that your gf is Filipina? I and 36 and have a sweet, beautiful Filipina who just turned 23. She is an amazing woman, but is as jealous as can be. She has admitted to chatting with a few guys "just as friends," but always accuses me of chatting with other girls, but I have no time or desire for that.

 

I am 100% committed to my girl and like you, I don't see the need to waste time chatting to girls that I have no plans to meet with, etc. So, I see what you are saying. If your gf is Filipina, you will have your hands full with jealousy issues. They are amazing women, but are very jealous. She once told me that they are so jealous because they give 100% to their man and expect their man to be 100% faithful, but in their society, where sex can be purchased for about $10-$20, they see it as impossible that we will ever be faithful. So, they are caught in a nasty cycle of jealousy that, in my experience, seems to just get worse.

 

I wish you all the best of luck and to tell you the truth, unless you are head over heals in love with her, you might want to cut her lose now because she will only get worse. I am sorry to say this because if she is amazing in every other way, you will find this advice impossible to take. I know, because all of my friends have told me the same thing and I just keep telling myself she will change, but she never does. She only gets worse. Too bad she is "perfect" in every other way. Best of luck to you.

[bones1]

She is not filipina but south american. And yes she is perfect in many ways.

 

I dont mind the jealousy in itself, but she seems to be pretty one sided. She is jealous over me even mentioning a city my ex of 10 years ago lived in, yet she would talk to an ex right on the phone infront of me.

 

I just wonder if it is impossible. I take care to not say things to make her jealous, but she actually does things, obviously wrong in any relationship, that would make anyone jealous, without ever admitting perhaps it is wrong. If i talked to an ex on the phone she would cry, get mad, explode.. If she does it, is is normal, and they are just freinds... "why cant I have freinds" she would say, lol. Yes, i am about to give up if things dont change.

[babbah]

hi!

everyone got jealous right? i myself get jealous easily simply because i am afraid..afraid to loose the person i really love. but not at all times i am jealous.

 

you cant even blame yourself if you got jealous, because as you have said, you met her online...internet is really HUGE! people can be truthful or worst fraud. try to be open to one another. let everyone know what is going on or what is on each other's mind.

 

you should talk to her and ask her the things that makes her jealous. in that case, you will know if you have done something wrong againts her..or at least you know the causes why she's jealous.

 

if you are open to one other, you can understand each other very easy.

 

one more thing, women or men on the internet have different perspective when it comes to chatting. people have different intentions when chatting.

meeting someone and falling inlove in the end is very risky...some are lucky and some failed.

 

*feel free to Pm me if you wanna talk about it*

[littlekitty]

LDR's are hard to maintain at the best of times, let alone when there is an issue like jealousy involved, and not much background to keep you secure.

 

You've spent two months together, but it still isn't a long time. How were things when you were there? Did you stay with her the whole time? Where would live when you got married? Can you really see yourself being happy in a relationship where your freedom will be curtailed?

 

A relationship is a two way street. It should never be one rule for you, another for me! You should have agreed your boundries, and expectations for the relationship when you became exclusive. It's part of forming a relationship.

 

I would discuss with her one more time. However I have a feeling you'll be fighting a loosing battle. She clearly doesn't see what she's doing as wrong, and it doesn't sound like she's prepared to stop for the sake of your relationship, which she should be.

[hiraka]

My opinion may not mean much, but she seems to have double standards. How can she expect you not to have friends that are girls if she is allowed to have friends that are guys. Maybe she has had a bad past experience with a cheating bf? My ldr bf had problems of cheating/lying in a past ldr, so I tried to be considerate and tried to give as much information of where I been or who I am out with. It also includes him in my life and he got more comfortable over time that I am failthful to him.

 

Is she one of the girls who flirts with everyone? Maybe one that loves attention and tries to find as much of it as possible? I know girls like that online (mmo gaming) and they are just flirts. If this is what she is, is this what you want? Are you both exclusive with each other and discussed it?

 

If you ask her questions as to why she is showing her picture off to strangers and she gives you a vague or half assed answer, or even avoids it, it might be a good idea to just move on. If she gets defensive, she has something to hide unless it is a difficult topic to her in some way (yeah right...).

 

To me it is one things to have friends of the opposite gender or even exs. But it is quite another thing to search out people of opposite gender and send pictures. Seems too fishy...

[PRETTYBOI1982]

BONES1, may I please ask if you're that desperate to be looking for a date over online and across the globe? I don't mean to offend you in anyway or any other way, but you should be old enough to know the fact that online dating is a 50/50% percent chance risk of getting hurt or happy. You've taken that risk over online and to a female who is across the globe.

 

May I ask where is she from? You should know that the majority of the foreign country have very poor area and that they love to use men from foreign country to try to make them think that they want them. Their beauty is the most deadliest of all. You just happen to fall right into her trap by making you thinking that she'll love you forever like how she had stated to you.

 

Also, the things that you have stated previously from your post that "In my male brain, I would not waste 5 minutes chatting to any women unless I am looking for sex, a girlfreind, someone attractive I would want to get to know etc. Much less share photos. So, my mind is thinking she might be addicted to internet chatting, and maybe even dating. I just cant believe she chats with idle strangers, shares pics, just to pass time and make friends??"

 

I see that you're no difference from that kind of statement that you previously posted. I'm just telling you the truth but you should start focusing more on your life and stop all of those foolishness dealing with internet and global dating from across the world with someone who you have absolutely no knowledge background of. Wish you the best of luck, dude!

[Elyssa]

May I ask where is she from? You should know that the majority of the foreign country have very poor area and that they love to use men from foreign country to try to make them think that they want them. Their beauty is the most deadliest of all. You just happen to fall right into her trap by making you thinking that she'll love you forever like how she had stated to you.

To say that most women from foreign countries are after a man to get out of there, is preposterous at best!

 

What you have said is not completely untrue, there certainly are many countries where women DO this, but "MOST"? Sorry to burst your bubble, but there are many countries in the world where the quality of life is equal or superior to the States.

 

I am european (Spain), married an american and moved here because he could not speak spanish, and I can't wait to go back to my country! I miss my family, friends, food, music, language, city... other than my husband, I have gained nothing from moving here and lost many things in the process. This is the situation for many women (and men!) that marry outside their countries! Anything material they may have gained in the process (if anything), pales in comparison to what they've left behind in terms of emotional ties.

 

 

To the original poster, she sounds like a nice girl who doesn't want to commit. Be patient with her, but don't allow her to disrespect you!

 

-E

[PRETTYBOI1982]

To say that most women from foreign countries are after a man to get out of there, is preposterous at best!

 

What you have said is not completely untrue, there certainly are many countries where women DO this, but "MOST"? Sorry to burst your bubble, but there are many countries in the world where the quality of life is equal or superior to the States.

 

I am european (Spain), married an american and moved here because he could not speak spanish, and I can't wait to go back to my country! I miss my family, friends, food, music, language, city... other than my husband, I have gained nothing from moving here and lost many things in the process. This is the situation for many women (and men!) that marry outside their countries! Anything material they may have gained in the process (if anything), pales in comparison to what they've left behind in terms of emotional ties.

 

 

To the original poster, she sounds like a nice girl who doesn't want to commit. Be patient with her, but don't allow her to disrespect you!

 

-E

 

Thank you for your response, Alyssa! I'm glad everything had work out between you and your huspand. Like I have stated from my previous post that, "majority of the women from global area of the foreign countries loves to play those games making men think that they want them, and their beauty is what makes it deadly".

 

Well, glad to know that you and your huspand are happy together which is a good thing and most important thing. Happiness is what we're all looking for in most of the relationship. Don't you agree so?