csfong007 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. In the beginning, he had a normal work schedule. About 4 months ago he started a second business. Now, he works 12 hour days and at least 6 days a week sometimes 7. Needless to say he rarely calls me and we see each other maybe once a week twice if I'm lucky. I'm finding it difficult to deal with because of course I want to see him and be with him more. I was just wondering if you'd be able to handle this or would you walk away knowing that the situation will not change...
Skeered Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I think if I were in your situation that I would find it difficult to manage the relationship with the little time together, however is this a long term situation or is this something that he is doing to catch up on bills or start something for the longterm. If he isn't plannin on becoming a workaholic and not seeing you much then I would stick it out if you really care about this guy. I mean a guy with ambition to work hard and make something of himself isn't always easy to come by these days...lol
Barby Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I was just wondering if you'd be able to handle this or would you walk away knowing that the situation will not change... If I weren't truly happy with the way things were, which you're clearly not......I would most likely talk to him about my feelings, see if we could work it out (ie lunch dates or you dropping in a few days a week to see him while he works, ect) if this wasn't an option or he wasn't willing to compromise to some extent then I can't see any other way than ending it unless you want to live a semi-happy life. Personally I believe you can't make another person happy in a relationship until you're happy yourself.......
Walk Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 A business takes a LOT of work. I was always wishing there were more hours in the day, or two of me. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I think I would end it. Only because I was with someone when I was in my mid 20's who was constantly working... at the time it was to better "our" future. But I found out that most relationships can't handle that kind of distance and stress, and that any future we may have had, was blown out the window by the lack of attention toward the relationship and extra stress created. So it didn't help the future, but sure killed the present. This is probably going to take several years to build. 5 or more. Do you want to be on the back burner that long? Me, personally... I can't. No matter the chemistry, or compatibility, I need more from a relationship then meeting up with a stressed out, over worked, grump one day a week. Or you could view it as a great way to have the security of a relationship, while still having your life basically your own. Free to plan your days however you want without having to clear it through your SO all the time. He'll be too busy to care, and grateful you've found stuff to occupy yourself with. It really depends on what type of person you are... I need more from a relationship then a person like that could give right now. Maybe you are more independent minded and would absolutely love the freedom from the day to day rut of most relationships.
griffins Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 He's basically working two jobs...cut him some slack. I'm working full time and go to school part time, during weekends I study. Not much time for anything else...but you said twice a week and calls also. Is it really that bad? Don't take it the wrong way but I'm sure you have things going on in your life as well. I hope you have friends too, you don't need to constantly see him. Just because he's working, doesn't mean you're on the "back burner" oh and i agree with Walk on the last 2 paragraphs!
Walk Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 The difference though, Griffins, is that you have an end point for the extra workload. Hopefully after you graduate you can focus on one 40 hour a week job instead of everything you're doing now. But with a business it's different. It's like having a baby. You spend every moment with it, constantly worrying about it, nuturing it, feeding it, improving it, always, always, always. And when you have nothing left to give, you give more. 70 to 80% of businesses fail in their first year, and those that last to the second year... 50% of those crash and burn. It's much harder then working two jobs and going to school. I've done both, and I'd take school and jobs any day. A 90 hour work week was common with my business. I thought 40 hours was a vacation and only did that about once per year. Took one week off during the 3rd year, and it nearly drove me insane. I cut the vacation short and went back early. So don't think you're being overly needy if you feel this isn't going to work for you. You didn't sign on to this when you met him. The situation has changed and you have every right to renegotiate the relationship. If you want more from a relationship, then find one that will suit you better. If you feel you can make this work, then go into it with some research and facts under your belt. Take some time to discover how hard it's going to be for the both of you. Talk to other small business owners in your area (they really will talk to you if you ask.), find out what pitfalls you can avoid relationship wise, how you could help your SO in times of stress, and anything else you can think of. I think if you do that, then the two of you have a good chance of making the relationship work. I had quite a happy relationship while I ran my business. It was after I sold it and had too much time on my hands that things went downhill.
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