littlepiggy1 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Last night my g/f and I broke up. I had written a thread about everything up that point here. Last night I was numb... in shock. I was rationalizing the break-up. That we had so many issues... some really big issues that we just couldn't get past. We'd previously broken up twice... well, she had wanted to break up with me. Both times I remember waking up the next day hurting so much. Both times I kept thinking of how wonderful she is and how insignifigant all the issues and drama and stress and everything was compared to her. And I'd called her both times and we'd talked about both agreed to keep fighting for us and keep trying. I feel the same way today. I woke up crying my eyes out just thinking of how wonderful she is. How I want her in my life despite everything. How I'll change everything for her. But I know that that's not rational. I know that if we did get back together, one month later we'd be here again. That the issues never go away and they never get dealt with. That I don't know how to make the issues better. That I think it's something that really can't be fixed. What really hurts are her words last night. She was telling me how she thinks I'm not in love with her anymore. How she thinks that I fell out of love with her, but I still care about her. Later we were talking more and I was telling her some stuff that had been depressing me... how I'd been feeling a bit lonely because I'd been out of touch with my friends and didn't have much social contact besides her. But then took that and said that it all makes sense to her. That I didn't want her because I'm afraid of just being alone. That she was just a really good friend to me and that I didn't want to lose that... I don't think she's right. I feel so hurt and confused right now, but when I think of her and how much of my life she shared and was a part of. It feels like I love her. I don't know any other words for it. I've never felt this closely to anyone in my whole life. Even people in my family I don't feel this attached to. I know that rationally this is probably best for the two of us. That it will hurt like hell but eventually we will survive and move on. That we had too many issues and that we just weren't that good of a match. But that doesn't stop me from loving her and from crying and from hurting.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 You have to go through the stages of grief and it's okay. Keep posting your thoughts and like I said on your other thread, most of your relationship was a rollercoaster. This ride you're on now hurts, but soon you will be surprised once the sadness is gone, you'll feel better. Ofcourse you'll miss her, but that crazyness won't be there anymore.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 Thank you. It really sucks right now. But I really appreciate the support of you and others on this forum. It does help.
lexilas Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 disastisfaction in our sex life, which she feels is contributing to her feelings about porn/masturbation. Which she feels explains why this wasn't an issue sooner. LP1 I pulled this quote from what you originally posted in January because from the time I began reading your situation this is exactly what I'd been suspected the problem was. She was jealous of the porn because (from what I've read) you weren't willing to put more energy into the sexual relationship between you and her. I believe her wanting to experiment with other women is stemming from her jealousy of the porn and nothing more. A woman wants to feel that she is special to her man - If you were giving the porn more or even the same amount of time and energy as you were giving her, then there was nothing there that set her apart - letting her know she was more special to you than that. Plus if you were getting off (one way or another) 4 times a week and she's only getting what she needs 2 times a week - I'm sure she felt she was getting short changed. Compromise was the key to this situation - if you could have given her more attention in the bedroom and paid slightly less attention to the porn (not saying to cut it out completely) I believe her bi-curious yearnings as wel as her insecurity would have gone away. Just my 2 cents - good luck.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 Compromise was the key to this situation - if you could have given her more attention in the bedroom and paid slightly less attention to the porn (not saying to cut it out completely) I believe her bi-curious yearnings as wel as her insecurity would have gone away. To an extent maybe. But in retrospect it wasn't that simple. The whole porn/bisexual thing was only a recent symptom of a troubled relationship. We'd been having issues of one kind or another for a year now. Every single month there would be a fight about this or that. We'd talked about potentially breaking up a couple times during this period, but we kept trying to work because there was a lot of good things, too. But I think for me anyway, and for her too, the issues just piled too high. We never really were resolving core issues. I think I was getting more and more dissatisfied with our relationship. On a subconcious level and probably a conscious one, too, I was pulling away from her. Simply spending more time with her in the bedroom wasn't the solution. I'd been hurt too much already. I simply couldn't see any other solution that us breaking up. Even now, even though I feel I still want to be with her, I know that it will never be the way we want it to be.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 We talked today. It felt... strange. Almost like a bit of relief after not really speaking much for a couple days (she'd called yesterday twice, but I wasn't ready to talk). We both talked about how it just wouldn't work out. How we wished things could have been different. How we never wanted to hurt each other, but it just happened from our situations and what we were going through. We also talked about remaining friends. Not now and not yet, but maybe at some point in the future. After we hung up, I started crying. It hurts so much.
pretty_petal Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Its so weird reading your posts because you could almost be my bf... we broke up yesterday after 3 years and i feel the same as you described; when you think about it and everything you have shared in your life with this person it feels very much like you love them and want to stay with them. however, you know that in practise this isn't going to work due to all the of the problems that just never got resolved. Also, my bf phoned me earlier today and we chatted like friends and then about our situation and i feel completely heart broken. Stupid thing is - its me that suggested breaking up. I know my reply doesn't help you its more to thank you for letting me know that its not just me in this crazy emotional turmoil. thank you, ppx
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