justagirliegirl Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I hope that my thinking today isn't just my being depressed about some disapointing events that have occured recently(not related to the relationship). I've been in a LDR for nearly 2 years and I just don't feel that it is going anywhere. He says he loves me but for some reason I feel like the good enough for now girl. How do you know when to call it quits? I do love this man very much but I am so tired of travelling and so tired of putting my life on hold and me doing all the sacrificing.
Guest Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 i'm a guy and i guess i dont understand how that works... as a person who loves that other person alot, how can one just give up because their tired? wouldnt that be just selfish and self-centered? i dont know i'm having problems of my own. is it selfish that your putting your life on hold? or is it selfish that your leaving him because youre just tired of having a LDR. anyways sorry if this was a bit of a rant
bluetuesday Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 How do you know when to call it quits? I do love this man very much but I am so tired of travelling and so tired of putting my life on hold and me doing all the sacrificing. hey girliegirl you know it might be time to call it quits when you start asking questions about calling it quits. maybe it's just stopped being worth it to you. be honest, if you were getting what you wanted, if he was giving as much as you, if you felt you were the only girl for him, we wouldn't be talking. all relationships have grim times when you just have to put your head down and keep going, but what you're describing doesn't sound like that sort of blip to me. this sounds like i'm-not-sure-i-want-to-do-this-anymore territory. all relationships also have a balance sheet, and problems happen when you come to balance it out... and it doesn't. you put so much in and if you don't get roughly equal back, you start resenting your SO. that's natural. you're not a martyr. and if he is failing to make you feel special, if you're beginning to hate the distance because of that, if you're building up resentment towards him, you need to talk to him (first) and see if he's feeling the same way. he likely is, and perhaps something can be done to get back to where you were. sadly, love isn't enough. a relationship has to WORK too. some of us love crazy people. or dangerous people. or people we can't have. or jake gyllenhaal. okay, that last one is me. but if the day to day of it isn't happening for you, love won't be enough to get you through. perhaps he's demotivated too. LDR is root of much relationship evil, and the period you're apart needs to be kept short. two years is long enough IMO, and if you're not CONVINCED this is someone you still want to be with 10 years down the road, it's time to move on. can you imagine your life without him? if the thought of losing him makes you completely wretched, there's still life in this relationship. if you're starting to think maybe there's someone out there more suited to you or who lives closer, you've already taken the mental step that will probably facilitate the emotional step necessary to quit the relationship. don't beat yourself up. if you feel like you're missing out don't let two wasted years become three. my suspicion is that you already know the answer to this one, you just wanted someone else to say it out loud. well, i just did.
AmItheOne Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I am right there with you girly girl! I have been in a LDR for 2 years...at times 7 hours away...presently 3 hours away. It's so exhausting sometimes and when I go out to lunch or go out with my friends and see couples doing something as simple as having lunch together it makes me hurt because I can NEVER do that with my bf...everything has to be planned. I haven't seen him in a month because we both have very busy careers and he is supposed to come here next weekend...only now, my best friend in the world has decided to screw her wedding and elope this weekend and the only person she wants there is me. My bf doesn't want to go as this would be too much driving in a weekend (she lives 3 hours south of me right now, I just moved away) and its really got me thinking. I am also about to run in my first 10k which happens to be in the same town as my friends wedding (the place I just moved from) and I know he won't be able to come. I am so tired of him missing out on important events in my life and also the simple little things. I want to SEE him, I hate talking on the phone! Ok...I could go on and on but I am hijacking your thread now...point is, I understand how hard it is...and I too see no light at the end of the tunnel and its like WHY and I putting myself through this. If you are asking these questions, then its time to have a serious talk with him...I did about 2 weeks ago, told him I needed to know that this was going somewhere. That would be my advice before just ending it all.
confusedgeek Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I dont know what to say about this one. Im sure, currently, my girlfriend on the other side of the global might be thinking the same thing. Im not sure. 3 months and going strong I think. I started my relationship knowing full well the problems that come along with it. Not being close to each other. Maybe in time, we can be closer, but financial reasons prevent that happening right now. And I think she knows that too. Life isnt that simple just liking one another. Other things usually happen to prevent the good stuff from happening. Is the urge that strong to be that you need to be within physical contact with him? Are you going to ask (demand/question/all that good stuff) that he move closer or you move closer to him? May this be the deal breaker to end in the relationship? I think, however strong the connection, is between the you two will determine how this relationship pans. I also think if distance is too much for you, then you got to do something about it, instead of waiting for the other person to do something about it. I like this girl a lot I met online, the best I can do is save up enough to fly over there at the end of the year to see if it will work out. Best advice I can give is to tough it out and Good luck. - ConfusedGeek
AmItheOne Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I dont know what to say about this one. Im sure, currently, my girlfriend on the other side of the global might be thinking the same thing. Im not sure. 3 months and going strong I think. I started my relationship knowing full well the problems that come along with it. Not being close to each other. Maybe in time, we can be closer, but financial reasons prevent that happening right now. And I think she knows that too. Life isnt that simple just liking one another. Other things usually happen to prevent the good stuff from happening. Is the urge that strong to be that you need to be within physical contact with him? Are you going to ask (demand/question/all that good stuff) that he move closer or you move closer to him? May this be the deal breaker to end in the relationship? I think, however strong the connection, is between the you two will determine how this relationship pans. I also think if distance is too much for you, then you got to do something about it, instead of waiting for the other person to do something about it. I like this girl a lot I met online, the best I can do is save up enough to fly over there at the end of the year to see if it will work out. Best advice I can give is to tough it out and Good luck. - ConfusedGeek I think it is different when a relationship doesn't start out as a LDR...we lived in the same city for 6 months then he got out of the Navy and moved for a job. I graduated from college and moved to a new city and here we are. At the point we were at when we moved...we didn't want to base life decisions around each other, so I went where I got the best job offer and so did he. As to your question about demanding that he move closer, no I will not demand anything. Forcing a relationship is never a good idea. If when he finishes college he doesn't make any effort to move here or ask me to move there, then yes...I would consider ending the relationship...I don't think I personally can sustain a LDR for more than 4 years (we will almost be together that long when he finishes school). He's 30 and I'm 27, and I want to live together before I marry...so, yeah...I'm not willing to wait forever.
confusedgeek Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Sorry AmITheOne, my original post was for the original poster of this thread
Author justagirliegirl Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 I think you are right about the down periods and things just get to you. I sit here and wish we were only a few hours away. I wish we were in the same country. The thought of being without him is just so devistating beyond belief. When I first posted this, I was there and now I'm back in my own country and although he is the strong silent type he got pretty emotional on the last day and after I was gone. He did not want me to leave. I didn't want to leave. He wanted me to stay forever. I'm trying to. I really am but he has to help me. I am so distraught and depressed right now. I was in his country for a long time and now I'm back and I don't feel I belong here anymore either. Everything about being there just feels right. Oh and no I never think there is anyone else closer or more suited. I think I just get tired and frustrated sometimes but I am hanging in there. It has been worth it.
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