KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I have been dying to know: Do you think that MEN, in general, have an easier time controlling their feelings for the person they love than women do? Why do you think that men can compartmentalize their feelings and women can't? What I want to know is that when a MM is with his wife, does he think about his OW and miss her? If he does, how can he just contain that feeling and be rational about it or just "kick that thought" out of mind? I find myself obsessing over my MM all the time... but does HE think about me? more? less? All answers are appreciated, from men and women.
travellingman Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 What I want to know is that when a MM is with his wife, does he think about his OW and miss her? I went 3 seconds today without thinking about her, does that count?
Chump64 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I hope it's ok for a betrayed spouse to answer. I think women are much more emotional than men. It's just part of our wiring. Not all women, but I think that overall, it's a safe generalization. And it's not a bad thing or a weakness. If anything, it's good. It just means that men are better at compartmentalizing.
Aaurora_26 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I would have to say that, YES, men are better at containing their feelings! I am constantly thinking about my MM, he is on my mind every waking moment of the day. I hope the day will come when he is not the first thing I think of when I wake up..... He did actually write me a letter which said that 'every thought in my mind is to do with you' which was the case at the time, not sure if it still is. I would probably say that I am on his mind a LOT even during periods of NC he has admitted to missing me terribly and thinking of me even when he is with his W which in turn made him feel like a bad person. I think when he had those feelings when he was with his W he would withdraw from her even more (out of guilt, shame, sadness? Don't know.) I wish I could push all my sadness to one side and carry on like most men seem able to!
scarletletter Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 MM told me that he thinks about me all the time. However, when I think of him "all the time", I want to write to him or call him. He is not as good at that. He is the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing at night. All the time in beween morning and night he is on my mind. I still get butterflys when I see his name on my phone when he calls or in my email box. Men are just more distant, they have less to say to us than we want to say to them. They are MEN, for goodness sake, that's how they ALL are.
Sami_D Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Well there are two aspects to this... do they think about you all the time..? And what do they do/say about that..? And what is the result of it (does he make changes in his life so it's not all longing..?) Now and again MM will say something to me that makes me see how much time he spends thinking of me and of the situation (like he'll mention now he related our R to something specific he was doing). But does he bring it up time and again..? No. I know he misses me, and thinks of me all the time, more than I think he probably would to be honest. But it's not something he feels the need to keep referring to. As for why men who feel a lot, miss their OW, etc and don't leave... well, why the assumption that that means their feelings weren't 'real'..? Incidentally, travellingman wrote on this thread that he thinks of her all the time. But still the following responses made no reference to that. Sometimes we only see what we want to see or believe in.
Lishy Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I think what you need to remember is that if you are single and having an affair with a MM then you have nothing but time to sit and think of him - Is he with his wife, is he having sex with her, is he really as unhappy as he says, is he thinking if me, oh how great it was the other night Whereas he has 2 lives - He is spending his time being deceitful and preparing for the next lie so that he can make time for his OW. He has 2 women to keep happy, and lets be honest he MUST be keeping the W happy or she would not be with him! So he probably does not spend as much time thinking of you as you do of him, he has too much on his mind! If you are talking about a single man and his thoughts then I would say, as long as he is mad about you, he thinks about you as much as you do of him but he keeps his feelings under wraps more, men can just do that! Women are far more vocal and bluntly honest with their thoughts and feelings!
newbby Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 good point lishy, its also why they can keep much more of a control and seem so much much attractive because of it. they dont have time, to really miss you, and start going crazy without you. it is not the only place they have to keep up appearances either. usually, as the marriage began going downhill, they also filled their time with other things, social life, friends etc. they also have to keep those commitments to an extent. so it certainly keeps the ow in the out of control position. it really makes the mm look so much more attractive, than he really is. probably if the ow ever got him, he would be so demanding and pathetic. my ex mm gets help from everyone, and he still cant manage to keep things together with his wife.
Woggle Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Men are taught by society to not be emotional so we are better trained at doing it while women are taught the opposite. I think a good middle ground is the best place for a woman or man to be.
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 Thank you all for answering! Travellingman, I wish you are my OM!! I learn so much being here. So men don't have it any easier than women when they love someone, do they? Actually, I act quite cool at work and around my husband. I doubt anyone knows how tortured I feel on the inside. I don't want my family to be worried about me. I don't want my husband to get upset/sad by my moping around. So I try to act "normal". The problem is, my OM acts even cooler than I am!! (How can he??) He talks to my H like nothing had happened. I cannot imagine that he is not jealous of my H. He should be sick with jealousy and stop being friends with my H, right?? Being on this forum, I know that I can keep a NC committment as well as my OM. But I am all torn inside. I feel that my heart is shattered into a million pieces... but I am working on putting it back together.
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