sunnie23 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 having panic and anxiety is something that i have experienced in all of my relationships, but i have never felt it this early. i have been with my boyfriend for three months. since we met i was convinced he didn't want to be with me. i haven't dated for two years and my last relationship really ended badly, and i was on antidepressants for almost a year just to help me cope. for the past month or so i was able to get past the worry and just enjoyed being with him. usually he's very attentive and we've always spent a fair amount of time together. every day when i get to work theres a text message waiting on my phone, and we usually go back and forth all day long. but yesterday and today have been different. i have initiated the conversation both days and his responses seem hurried and dull. tonight i called him and he asked what i was up to, i told him if he was up for it to stop by when he was done at the gym. he never called, and i called him around 10 to tell him not to bother anymore because i was going to bed. when he answered he said he had just picked up the phone to call me. we talked for a minute and he said he was pretty tired and it was kind of late, that he had stayed at the gym and had a long workout. i asked him what he was doing tomorrow and we made plans to hang out. i am really insecure and feel like he's pulling away. i am really stressed out and i don't know how to relax. i am worried he doesnt want to be with me and is just gping through the motions because it's easy.
notmakingsense Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 If you have insecure tendencies you should work extra hard at not becoming clingy. I know -- I have the same issues as you. My technique is to assume my thinking is a bit skewed. In terms of time-frames between talking/being-close, I purposefully double what I might immediately think is normal for a given situation. For example-- if my natural thinking is that 1 day is normal to go without talking, I try to see if I can make it to 2, and so-on. Seeing if you can pull back will have benefits -- it will help you learn that you don't "need" someone (an attractive trait to many men by the way), it will make your love-interest feel less smothered, and it may even create a bit of mystery/challenge -- which is also attractive. Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I think some of your fears is anxiety driven and I assume you suffer from panic attacks too? I ask this because I have an anxiety disorder and right now maybe you should think about going to see a therapist about it. The anxiety can change how you handle things, deal with life and reactions too. IT changes the way you think. So, the anxiety you're feeling that is feeding your insecurity isn't good. Ask your DR about cognitive behaviour therapy and see if you can see someone who specializes in this kind of therapy.
Author sunnie23 Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 yes i am obsessive compulsive and i have anxiety. my dr just throws prescriptions for anti-depressants at me every time i see her. she gave me one last week which i refuse to fill, i just lost the last of the 35 pounds i gained when i was on the last ones!!! i need to know that my feelings are caused by my own thinking and distorted perception and not intuition or a "gut feeling"
yngv Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I've been using this line a lot recently: relationships are like bank loans: in order to get one you must first prove you do not need one. I have a tendency to be clingy, even with simple friendships, and my imagination tends to exaggerate things as I go over them again and again. I have been seeing a counselor and we just discussed this recently. The truth is is that it's never as bad as you think. From what you described here, it simply sounds like he's relaxing a bit -- VERY NORMAL. And the previous post is quite right -- try your best not to "need". People tend to be repelled by neediness (both men and women), so your best defense is to seek comfort in your own self. Realize that you are a wonderful person and any man should consider himself fortunate to be with you. Value yourself. If you show that you value yourself, it will broadcast out, and your man will pick up on it. And it WILL turn him on! And what you did here is good too -- if you feel something's off, double check with a friend, relative, or this board and ask if the behavior is normal. If your advice is that it is normal, do your best to believe it. I do understand how you feel, believe me. I'm learning how to cope with it myself. Look objectively and briefly (because the more you think about things the worse they seem). Hope some of that made sense. Do write back and let us know if this helps!
Tru-Wild Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 i agree with the previous statement that you should be careful about not being to clingy, but i think that you may be over-reacting. its only been a day or so, its very likely he has just had a bad day, it happens to all of us:p also if he agreed to make plans to hang out, it still sounds ok! hes still interested and did not make excuses. and most importantly, don't feel like you are restricted by past experiances please! just try to pretend you have a clean slate, the other relationship didn't work out, so he wasn't the right one for you, so what? nothing happens the first time, one of the most horrible things that can happen is for you to become paranoid. guys really hate to hear: A:are we becoming farther apart?? B:are you seeing other women?? C:we don't communicate enough anymore!! etc........ don't get me wrong here! these things all have their place and times and need to be brought up at times, but only if you are sure there is a problem. accusations can mean to your partner a lack of trust which is a horrible thing. so what im saying is that first of all, give some time, he may have had a bad day, and do try to back off occasionally, so he feels like he has to work for your company(not too much!!! everything in moderation, dont go hide in a corner lol) if you after trying these things, still feel he is moving away, then it is time to talk. Oh! and by the way, please do yourself a favor and get off the meds, they have negative long-term impacts and can really get you hooked! Good luck and best wishes, Tru-Wild keep me informed with how it goes please!!, i'd like to know! keep postoig!
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 yes i am obsessive compulsive and i have anxiety. my dr just throws prescriptions for anti-depressants at me every time i see her. she gave me one last week which i refuse to fill, i just lost the last of the 35 pounds i gained when i was on the last ones!!! i need to know that my feelings are caused by my own thinking and distorted perception and not intuition or a "gut feeling" Just taking antidepressants isn't working. You need some therapy to help you cope with your panic/anxiety. I'm currently doing CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) and it's worked really wonderfully! I really suggest you look into this. Find out what CBT therapists are in your area, google it and also, check out local colleges/universities, hospitals, clinics that offer this type of therapy. Part of the problems you're having IS because of your OCD and anxiety disorder, so getting help will help so much and your life could become easier..
Author sunnie23 Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 So i visited a hypnotherapist last week and found it to be amazing! Has anyone else tried this to help with anxiety? I honestly don't remember the last time I felt as good as i do this week. Just curious about other's experiences.
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I'd love to hear more about your experience. What did they do??
PYT Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 My doctor used load me up with prescriptions but it was not until I learned how to use the cbt exercises that I started to make any steady progress. I tried hypnotherapy before I learned cbt and found it helpful and very relaxing but it was learning to counter my thoughts in a tea form that helped me (and continues to to help me) the most. Follow whichways advice and you may want to go to your library and check out a book on cbt as well. I like the ones by Sam Obitz and David Burns best. I hope you give cbt a try!
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Yup, the CBT works and you don't have to be on meds to cope with your anxiety. Though, I was just talking to a friend of mine, who has told me to try Rescue Remedy. It's all natural and you take it when you start to feel anxious. Even though it IS natural and has no side effects, not sure if i should try it or not. My friend says if it helps, go for it...We'll see... So, anyone ever try this stuff? Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower, I think it's called as well.) Nice to see you pop in PYT! You doing OK?!
PYT Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Good to hear from you too. Other than just getting over a bout with the flu I am doing pretty well how about you? I have never tried Rescue Remedy/Bach Flower and now that I have been med free for awhile I try really hard not to take anything unless I have to - This past week being an exception as I popped a lot of Motrin to keep comfortable and reduce the high fever I had. Take care and don't get the flu:sick:
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I've never taken meds, I only use advil/tylenol when needed...So that's why I'm not sure about taking this stuff, even though it's all natural. Glad you're feeling better. I hope I don't get the flu either. Yuk, I don't envy you. For me, when I'm sick, it does set my anxiety skyrocketing badly so the last thing I need is that flu or a cold...
Author sunnie23 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 sorry for the delayed response. yes i read feeling good by david burns and while it helped short term, i found it very difficult to manifest the common sense practises into my life. the hypnotherapy has been incredible, i haven't had a panic attack since i first went almost two weeks ago. this is the longest i have gone without having one in my entire adult life. i am confident and enthusiastic again. it seemed very hokey and i was semi-suspicious during the therapy but i was desperate for an end to the anxiety and from the research i have done, all you need for this type of therapy to work is a desire for the end result. so if a smoker sees a hypnotherapist to quit smoking but they don't really WANT to quit, the therapy won't work. i wanted to stop panicking and be confident more than anything i have ever wanted in my life.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 That is GREAT Sunnie!! The more good days you have, the more positive you feel which makes you have even MORE good days! The one thing I know about fighting anxiety is getting angry at it and making yourself control IT, inside of IT controlling you. So many fears that anxiety brings on and causes are mostly in our heads. A learned behaviour, which with the help of CBT, therapy and ofcourse books too, is to teach yourself better behaviours and stop old habits...Facing fears slowly and gaining confidence as you go along! I'm really happy that you're doing so well! Keep intouch and definately keep posting. There are alot people suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, so talking and posting about it is good.
PYT Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 sorry for the delayed response. yes i read feeling good by david burns and while it helped short term, i found it very difficult to manifest the common sense practises into my life. the hypnotherapy has been incredible, i haven't had a panic attack since i first went almost two weeks ago. this is the longest i have gone without having one in my entire adult life. i am confident and enthusiastic again. it seemed very hokey and i was semi-suspicious during the therapy but i was desperate for an end to the anxiety and from the research i have done, all you need for this type of therapy to work is a desire for the end result. so if a smoker sees a hypnotherapist to quit smoking but they don't really WANT to quit, the therapy won't work. i wanted to stop panicking and be confident more than anything i have ever wanted in my life. All my responses are delayed That's great to hear that hypnotherapy is helping and I hope it continues to work for you and that you keep posting your progress here. As far as CBT goes I find that I have to do the exercises regularly or the new habits begin to erode. But the more I do them, slowly but surely, some of the new ways of thinking are becoming more and more ingrained, hopefully to the point I won't need to do TEA forms nearly every morning. Take care.
PYT Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I've never taken meds, I only use advil/tylenol when needed...So that's why I'm not sure about taking this stuff, even though it's all natural. Glad you're feeling better. I hope I don't get the flu either. Yuk, I don't envy you. For me, when I'm sick, it does set my anxiety skyrocketing badly so the last thing I need is that flu or a cold... Great for you that you have never had to take meds My old p-doc used to say 'just because it is natural does not mean it is good for you' and then pointed out that many things in nature can kill you if you ingest them. Of course he was biased towards meds but I know exactly what you mean. I'm like you now that I only take things when I absolutely have to and try and exercise and eat a balanced diet. I also feel my anxieties creeping back when I am sick so I know exactly what you mean there and hope you stay healthy. Take care.
Author sunnie23 Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 thanks so much for all your support and advice. yes it has been almost three weeks now and although i have felt fearful a couple of times, i have not panicked once. i reccomend hypnotherapy to anyone who has experienced anything similar. i cant believe how positive of an impact it has had on my life!
PYT Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 That's great news sunnie. I hope it keeps working and let us know how you continue to progress with it
PYT Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Hi Sunnie I was wondering if things are still going well with your panic? I hope they are!
Author sunnie23 Posted April 24, 2006 Author Posted April 24, 2006 hey PYT thanks for checking in on me. I've been seeing an actual therapist and have been hard at work for the past month working out my feelings about being adopted. As a result Ive been much more confident in my relationship, and I'm not sure how it's doing this but in turn, my relationship has been awesome. I didn't realize that the anxiety started when i found out i was adopted. in talking about my anxious moments I have come to realize that i have an intense fear of being alone, and abandonment. But I am working on finding the strenth in myself to deal with these times. Aside from a minor setback last night, i haven't panicked since I started therapy. My therapist has told me that its very obvious that I am ready to make lasting change in my life, and that she can tell that it will be permanent. thanks again for checking in on me
PYT Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Sunnie I am thrilled for you! It is amazing how much progress we can make when we have the support, tools and understanding we need. Keep that great attitude and you will continue to make even greater strides in all areas of your life. Also don't forget to post an update on how you are doing every once in a while
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