Ohmymymy Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I found out 3 months ago my husband cheated on me. He said it was a one night stand. I have had a hard time with this but willing to stay. He said he was so sorry. He came to me the other day and told me that his friend wanted to have sex with me, and he said he would allow me this one and only chance to make up for what he did. I know he chose this particular friend because he is real (single) guy. I asked my H what he would think if I did that. He said he wouldnt love it but he wouldnt hate it, but it is my one free pass and I should take it. He also said after it was done, so was the talk of any affair, and we can move on. I know I would enjoy a one night fling with his friend, no strings attatched. I know this because I dont and wont have feelings for him and vs versa, its only sex. My H said he can deal with only this one guy (it is not a best friend). He said sometimes it even turns him on thinking about it. I dont know, is it too good to be true?
tweldy Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 If your husband stole something, would you then also steal something so that you could feel 'equal'? If your husband slapped you, should you then slap him to make things better? If your husband broke something of yours, shoud you then break something of his to settle the score? This sounds like an escape on your husband's part to get over the guilt of what he did to you. First, its childish - this is similiar to what kids feel when they accidentally hurt a friend, that they might be hurt as well so that they are 'even'. Second - you won't feel better and you'll have even more negative emotions to deal with. There are much better solutions to dealing with this issue than the one you're pondering right now. Counseling is one solution. Maybe buying some self-help books on this subject would help. A popular source of information on dealing with affairs is marriagebuilders.com. I'd start there and see if that advice works for you. If you have an internet connection, its free and will only take some of your time.
silktricks Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I dont know, is it too good to be true? It sounds to me like it's too bad to be true. Just me, but I wouldn't do it. There's the two wrongs don't make a right thing, and what your hubby (and you) think may be a turn-on, could in reality end up being a turn OFF. Fantasy is one thing, reality another. Like I said, I wouldn't do it.
greenshift Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I know this because I dont and wont have feelings for him and vs versa, its only sex. Aside from the questions of: if you're in love, why would you even consider this? Two wrongs don't make a right, and this is going to drive him nuts. If you want to kill your marriage, once and for all, go for it. He's trying to alleviate his guilt by offloading it onto you. This won't stop talk about his affair - it will just give him ammunition with which to fight back. If you want a divorce then, by all means, screw the guy. But I have to ask what is so great about this idea that you're even willing to risk the possibility of further damaging an already-shakie relationship?
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Two wrongs don't make a right! I will parrot what greenshift wrote too! Holy cow! If you do that, not only will you feel worse, you'll open up a bigger can of worms than what you're dealing with now. HE won't know really how he'll feel until afterwards...Even though he cheated on you, and you're suffering because of his stupid mistake, don't consider his idea. It's not right and it also opens the door to future wanderings. Get your husband to come clean 100% about his affair or possibly ONS and GO to marriage counselling. Find out why he felt the urge to sleep with someone else.
Chump64 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I am sorry to be so blunt, but this situation sounds very dysfunctional and immature.
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