DatingQuestions Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I've been dating this guy that I really like for about four dates over the last month. He asked me for another one (a movie and dinner) this time for the coming weekend. We call each other quite often too. Wouldn't you presume that he is interested in me? My problem with him is that he is still checking his profile on a daily basis, even though he seems to show me that he isn't dating other girls at the moment. I understand that if you have a profile on Match, you'd take full advantage of it and try to see who's out there, but wouldn't you want to stop it if you think you might found the one? In my case, I know he is still trying to find out more about me (we haven't even kissed or anything), so we are far from being exclusive; but it really bothers me to know that he is still looking around, and possibly waiting for someone "better". Should I just give up on this guy? I know it sounds a little radical, but I want a guy that can only see me in his eyes if he likes me! This never was an issue before I went online dating, and actually he is the only one I've dated this way. Please help me understand and make a right decision!
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I have been the type that until exclusivity happens or you have sex that keeping the profile out there is okay. so.. unless you have the exclusive talk or have sex then it is just dating and you don't have a right to ask him to take it down.. IMO
luvtoto Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I don't necessarily think it's all bad. I just don't think he's at the exclusive level in your relationship. I used to take exclusivity for granted...just expected it...but not anymore. I am not exclusive either till the guy comes out and says,"I want to be your one and only". I wouldn't complain...that will get you no where. Just give him a taste of his own medicine by continuing to check your profile. Keep your options open, too. If it really bothers you and you feel comfortable enough to bring it up...then maybe mention that you want to be exclusive with him.
Skeered Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I agree with AC..to ask him to stop checkin it or take it down would be not your place..however I wouldn't think that just because he's checkin it still means that he's going to drop you if someone better comes along..does that make sense. Maybe you are the "one" for him but it sounds like you both are takin your time and that's all good...just don't pull the jealousy card yet because you both are still in dating stage not exclusive stage. And if he's still takin a look from time to time doesn't mean you can't also..maybe there is someone else you might find interesting to meet.
Author DatingQuestions Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 So are you guys saying that I shouldn't just write him off because he is still checking? I understand what everyone is saying here, but what about how his behavior makes me feel? I do not even WANT to put up my profile and check out other guys because I know I like HIM, simple as that. If he likes me the same way, I would expect him to feel the same about checking other people out, it shouldn't even feel right to him. I'm just basing this on how I see things, but may be I'm just too serious and not open minded enough? I have been thinking about to just give up on this guy, but please tell me if I'm being unreasonable for feeling the way I feel about this.
riobikini Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 If he's still checking he's #1) not too sure, yet, about you, #2) sure enough that you aren't exactly the one he had in mind, but will hold onto you til something better comes along, or #3) he's simply addicted to online dating, and the ease with which he can switch to another girl, when you become boring to him, -or, perhaps, many at a time. Think about it, -and seacrch this site for more info on the subject from people who've had the experiences with it. -Rio
pandnh4 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 well, about 5 months into the relationship, my ex-gf got upset over the existence of my profile... it had been inactive for several months, ever since we had decided to become a *couple*... from my own admission she discovered that i had used online personals before we started dating... about a couple weeks later, she decided to search for it and, sure enough, found it still there... i explained to her that the last time i had logged on was to disable the automated e-mails matches it would send and i honestly had not thought of removing it alltogether... it just never occurred to me for some reason... i tried explaining it to her in several comforting ways but she was overly animated about this issue... she became abusive and spiteful with me... yes, i admit that the best thing would've been to remove it but i just didn't think of it, plain and simple... i was willing to remove it for her, but she remained upset over the issue, which triggered our first fight and brought out the worst in us... i honestly believe it was the catalyst for the downward spiral we both embarked on for the next 2 months... from that point forward our fights became more frequent, there were less patience and compassion in the relationship, and we both adopted some bad communication/fighting habits... by the time i tried making some changes and proposing we get help, there was too much water under the bridge...
kitkat826 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 As an aknowledged match.com-er, I don't see it as that big of a deal. I actually happen to be dating someone that I reallllyyyyy like from match, and yet I still occasionally check my profile out of curiosity. Its kind of part of my established online routine in a way...sign on to AIM, check email, check out loveshack, check out match.com profile...etc. I wouldn't immediately write him off, especially since you two have not been physical in any way and are not exclusive. I would wait and let things develop a bit more before you make any decisions.
Mary3 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 You are not exclusive and don't have the right to expect him to remove the profile. If he says " Wow Tina , I have enjoyed our last 2 months together and I just want you to know I removed my Profile from the site because I feel more serious about you " , then you know its all good. Until then, don't expect or assume anything...
ehead Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Man, my gf kept checking her profile for about two or three months AFTER we started dating exclusively. I used to tease her about it every now and then. I would wait a couple of weeks, then check back at the site out of curiosity. I'll admit, I'm a snoop. Sure enough, the site would report her having logged in last just a day or two ago. She kept telling me she was still getting emails, and just wanted to read them. I couldn't help but wonder why she felt the need to read all these emails. Finally, after I teased her about it again, she put her profile on "hold", or something like that. I thought that was a tremendous show of confidence in the relationship, to put it on "hold" as opposed to just deleting it ! If we break up she will be able to log in and be back in action within minutes ! Now that we've been dating for longer, I don't feel so threatened, but at the beginning I think it's normal to feel uneasy about something like that. If she wanted to set her profile in action again just to meet "friends", or even to get some sort of illicit sexual/ego kick out reading all her emails, I wouldn't object. Particularly if she would let me read them too !
riobikini Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 You have a strong point, ehead, -although, it is the secrecy of them checking that bothers many. And that spurs a feeling of inconfidence and doubt. Do they check it just out of a 'normal', expected, slightly egotistical degree of curiosity? -or are they checking it out of dissatisfaction with you and are looking for someone new? -or are they checking it because they are addicted to developing new relationships from it every two or three months? -or are they carrying on with many people at a time? -Rio
luvtoto Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 You have a strong point, ehead, -although, it is the secrecy of them checking that bothers many. And that spurs a feeling of inconfidence and doubt. Do they check it just out of a 'normal', expected, slightly egotistical degree of curiosity? -or are they checking it out of dissatisfaction with you and are looking for someone new? -or are they checking it because they are addicted to developing new relationships from it every two or three months? -or are they carrying on with many people at a time? -Rio I think it's your first choice, Rio, just a 'normal', expected, slightly egotistical degree of curiosity.
Author DatingQuestions Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 I've decided to keep my options open. This seems to be the only fair way to me when he is still looking. I just need to be open minded enough to believe there are other men out there for me, may be even better than him, right? Honestly, he is just an average guy with average looking, it's just his personality that I really like a lot. May be it IS wise to keep both of our options open at this stage, since if we ARE serious about finding that special someone to settle down with, it should take more thinking and planning and figuring out who the person really is! Thanks for all your replies, I hope this thread has helped others in my situation as well.
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