Becoming Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 My husband has a way of losing jobs that has become quite disturbing. He seems to think everthing is going well, or at least he doesn't tell me if they're not. And there's the rub. He lost a business in which my father was a major investor, leaving us $50k in debt about 12 years ago. (Yeah, the standard wisdom on that is true! DO NOT EVER !) Anyway, at that time I was told by my mother that my H lied about things, saying he was going to do things or had but didn't and hadn't. I have caught him in similar dumb lies about our personal finances, which led to me separating our accounts out and removing him from access to my paycheck. I am the primary provider for the family. Now he loses a job under similar circumstances to the one he lost before this one. In both cases he was clueless (or so he tells me), arguing that he was railroaded by petty people jealous of his success. Numbers do support his success in both of these jobs. In the last job, he filed a grievance and won a good severence package as a result. The same thing is happening again, though, which the people he works with filing the grievance this time. But there is this nagging suspicion that he has not given me full disclosure. I haven't seen written evaluations refuting the charges of his dismissal letter, which include failure to follow proper accounting procedures and a problem with follow-through, both of which I personally know to be true of him at home. To complicate matters even more, his job is in another branch of a large institution that also employs me (another physical location from mine). In short, there could be ramifications for my career if he gains a reputation for being a person who gets fired and then fights--even if he is justifiably vindicated. I want to be supportive of my H during yet another unemployment, but I'm having a hard time doing that with this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Any advice about what I should do?
Skeered Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Not sure if this will help or not..as my ex continually lost jobs but the big difference is is he didn't bring much to the table to begin with so each time he lost another one it was another moment that I realized I had to pick up those pieces too...plus he would go through this really down phase and I would have to pick his spirits back up as I'm watching our lives go down a financial toilet. But my suggestion to you would be for him to seek counseling on his reasons for not following through with things, sometimes this is symptom of something bigger, like a worry of failure..if you don't finish something you never really fail at it you just didn't finish...there maybe something deeper to why he continues to loose positions. As far as your name being on the line..in my personal opinion I would hope that you company would not rate you based on the experiences they have had with your spouse...what you do in your position should give them basis of your merit. I know your frustrated but this is something that he will need some direction on as far as seeking help to stop this habit he may be forming...just a thought.
Author Becoming Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 Thanks so much for the reply, Skeered. (Your avatar brought a much-needed --thanks!) I think I just needed some moral support in a down time, and you provided it. Thanks. H is in counseling, so at least now he'll have something to talk about. I am being assured from third-parties that his boss is just plain evil, that it's not anything H did at all, so that helps. But that nagging feeling has kept me from being as supportive as I'd like to think I am. So I guess now I get to face my demons, too. Oh, joy!
Lil Honey Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Becoming, never underestimate your instincts and gut feelings. They are there for a reason and give you those feelings so that you become cautious and aware of issues.
blind_otter Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I never realized this about my exH until time had passed after our divorce and I hadn't seen him in a while. He has a way of getting into trouble with authority figures. I talked to him recently when he got into trouble at the halfway house he was at, and got sent back to prison for another year instead of getting out in March. He got into an argument with an officer, he was always like that -- so willing to sacrifice everything just to prove a point. I couldn't handle it, because part of what he was willing to sacrifice was MY emotional well being. He would quit a job (usually before he was fired) and I always had to support him, never for long -- he always got another job, but it happened at lesat 6 times in the 3 years we were married. I guess it comes down to what you can handle. But I think it would be important to explore what he takes into consideration when making his decisions that lead to these results. For him, anyways.
bab Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 But there is this nagging suspicion that he has not given me full disclosure. I haven't seen written evaluations refuting the charges of his dismissal letter, which include failure to follow proper accounting procedures and a problem with follow-through, both of which I personally know to be true of him at home. This could be a big problem. In my last job, this statement was the equivalent of: We suspect you are stealing but can't prove it. I'm certainly not saying that he is stealing, but maybe realizing that people are thinking this could be a motivator to get the accounting in order. Good luck!
Skeered Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Glad I could be of some assistance Becoming...if you are hearing from many sources that it was beyond hubby's control that he was released and you feel well in resting in what these other parties are saying then I say rest assured. I know that gut instinct is to react immediately because it's happened again however they aren't always the ones at fault..even my ex had a couple that I can honestly say I felt bad that he lost em because he was trying his hardest but something happened. Face those demons headon and maybe see if you can have a private meeting with his counselor...obviously he won't divuldge info about hubby but since he/she knows his situation maybe he/she can provide you with words on how to encourage him to keep motivated. PM me anytime...
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