JadeStar Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 A friend and I were talking earlier, and she was telling me about how her husband is an a**h*** most of the time. He doesn't really like spending time with her or the kids. He acts like he is doing her a favor if shes asks him to help her with something etc. She said he is pretty predictiable when it comes to sex as well. Meaning he is a jerk most of the time, but then turn around and be sweet and loving because he wants to have sex. She also said theres many times she wont have sex becasue it pisses her off for the mere fact that he only acts nice when he wants some. The times she does give into him for sex because he is being sweet and fake promises of changing or helping more etc, right after he gets sex from her, the next day he is right back at being an a$$ again. Acting hatefu, like her and the kids are a bother etc. She said she doesn't understand why he is like that. jerk most of the time, but is nice when wants sex, gets sex then goes right back to the way he was before. I told her possibly he is self centered and just wants one thing since he appears to not be putting any other efforts in the relationship except when it comes to sex. So I guess my question is, why are some people like that? Are they just out for themselves? Selfishness? Jade
Pyro Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Sounds like a selfish prick to me. Why does your friend put up with this? She needs to put her foot down and work some things out with him. I think that to answer your question, he acts like an as*hole because it sounds like that she puts up with it. I think that in general people will act like this because they have no idea how to compromise and share responsibilities. Now-a-days, its all about one's self. Pretty sad if you ask me.
Author JadeStar Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 Sounds like a selfish prick to me. Why does your friend put up with this? She needs to put her foot down and work some things out with him. I think that to answer your question, he acts like an as*hole because it sounds like that she puts up with it. I think that in general people will act like this because they have no idea how to compromise and share responsibilities. Now-a-days, its all about one's self. Pretty sad if you ask me. This is my thinking as well. As she was telling me this I couldn't help but think that maybe he acts this way because she allows it. However she did say, she has suggested counseling for them both to get a little better help on things and why he may act the way he does. So far, he hasn't gone and tells her, she needs to go because shes the one with a problem with him, and that he has done nothing wrong. Jade
Pyro Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Like I mentioned above, she needs to be firm with him about this matter. She needs to explain that his attitude is wrecking the marriage and if he has any love for his wife he will do something to improve himself. Its not healthy to live like that or be married to someone like that. I hope that things work out for the best with your friend. This just goes to show that treating your S.O. like crap will not keep them around. He is only saying that she has the problem because he is too stubborn to admit that he has any faults. How mature of him.
RecordProducer Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Why are some people selfish a**h***s? Nobody knows... Why is she still putting up with his shyt?
alphamale Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 This just goes to show that treating your S.O. like crap will not keep them around. It really depends on the SO, does it not RIDDLER? Maybe she subconciously enjoys being treated like that....why else has she stuck around so long? There are many people out there that love to be abused and they don't even realize it. You see it everywhere and every day.
Author JadeStar Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 She has actually told me she feels she can do no better. She says he has just ruined her self esteem over the years, by name calling and saying abusive things etc. I have told her before you are better than this, and do not need this crap. She tells me over and over again she is gonna leave if he does this or that, one more time, but she never does. I guess some people have their reasons for staying etc. Whats so bad is, she is sick. She is a 7 year breast cancer survivor, but has been recently diagnosed with diabeties and lung cancer. She is only 37. She has been going for treatments etc, I'm not sure how far advanced this lung cancer has gotten, but she stays wore out from the treatments and things. He doesn't do alot to help her etc, but he does expect sex when he wants it and will turn nice long enough to get what he wants. She doesn't have close contact with alot of family, and she lives in another state, but as I talked with her, I have convinced her to come live here in NC where I live, and hopefully it will not be too far from me. I want to help her out. Her husband of course will be coming/moving with her, I might lay into him. Jade
Lil Honey Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Maybe she subconciously enjoys being treated like that.... She doesn't "enjoy" it or she wouldn't be talking negatively about it and going to counseling for it. She may put up with it, in an attempt to keep the kids in a family environment. She may be realistic enough to know that marriages aren't all sunshine, flowers and butterflies; knows that there are peaks and valleys in all marriages and is hoping this is a valley. he hasn't gone and tells her, she needs to go because shes the one with a problem with him, and that he has done nothing wrong This says a lot. He is not taking responsibility for his half of the relationship. He doesn't feel required to do any of the work. A garden won't grow untended. He needs to realize that if there is ANY problem it is THEIRS to SHARE. Marriage is not a one-way street. My ex said the same thing to a male counselor. The counselor let him off the hook. Needless to say, our marriage continued on the same path. And deteriorated. Some of us don't stay because we "like" it. We stay because we know that not everything in life is easy or a hand-out. We are willing to work to make it work. We don't just give up because we aren't getting our way at that particular time.
alphamale Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 She doesn't have close contact with alot of family, and she lives in another state, but as I talked with her, I have convinced her to come live here in NC where I live, and hopefully it will not be too far from me. I want to help her out. Her husband of course will be coming/moving with her, I might lay into him. most likely JADE she will not move her family to be near you. don't take it personally. she probably likes her life the way it is but won't admit that to you. she's just blowing off steam and using you as a shoulder to "cry on"
blind_otter Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 She has actually told me she feels she can do no better. She says he has just ruined her self esteem over the years, by name calling and saying abusive things etc. I have told her before you are better than this, and do not need this crap. She tells me over and over again she is gonna leave if he does this or that, one more time, but she never does. I guess some people have their reasons for staying etc. She doesn't have close contact with alot of family, and she lives in another state, but as I talked with her, I have convinced her to come live here in NC where I live, and hopefully it will not be too far from me. I want to help her out. Her husband of course will be coming/moving with her, I might lay into him. Jade Jeez, Jade, you described my oldest sister, except the breast cancer. Her H is a total a**h***. He even once suggested to my other brother-in-law that they "switch sisters" He is a total prick. No one in my family speaks to him any more because of how he's treated my sister. I wish I could figure out why she has chosen to alienate her family and why she chose to be with him. She even took him back after he cheated on her and left her. I think it is the low self esteem thing, but it's terribly depressing and I'm sad that I've lost my sister to an a**h***.
alphamale Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I think it is the low self esteem thing, but it's terribly depressing and I'm sad that I've lost my sister to an a**h***. its better than losing her to advanced adeno-carcinoma or a fatal car accident.
Author JadeStar Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 most likely JADE she will not move her family to be near you. don't take it personally. she probably likes her life the way it is but won't admit that to you. she's just blowing off steam and using you as a shoulder to "cry on" This may be true alpha but they are coming down in a few weeks to scope out some places around here to possibly move too. I don't think shes moving here just to be near me either, she has wanted to move here for awhile anyway, even before I met her. Jade
Pyro Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 The more that i hear about this guy, the more that I want to knock his front teeth out. I am so sorry that your friend is going through this crap with him. Its probably tough for her to put her foot down because like you said, she has no family around to support her and she wants to keep a family environment for the kids. Sooner or later something must change around there. The husband needs to grow up and act jis age and take responsibilities for his faults. For those who believe that she enjoys being treated like garbage: have your S.O. treat you like crap and let us know how it feels. I bet it will make you want to stick around.
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