MazzyStar Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I was wondering, how often is the "were just friends" line used when someone is caught cheating? Even if there has been physical relations, will you still deny it to your spouse? To what extreme will you lie about it? Does the cheater have a well thought out plan before he/she gets caught? If both parties are married, do you have a pact that you wont tell the truth? Just wondering, or do afairs just happen and there is no thought put behind the actions?
THX2000 Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I was wondering, how often is the "were just friends" line used when someone is caught cheating? Even if there has been physical relations, will you still deny it to your spouse? To what extreme will you lie about it? Does the cheater have a well thought out plan before he/she gets caught? If both parties are married, do you have a pact that you wont tell the truth? Just wondering, or do afairs just happen and there is no thought put behind the actions? My ex tried the "we're just really close friends" line on me even AFTER I found pictures of her and the guy she was cheating with and stuff on my computer where she basically admitted to a friend that she was sleeping with him. She swore on her grandfather's grave (he is supposed to be the person she loved most in this world so that was so disrespectful) that they never had a physical relationship but it was all lies. She continued to lie about it until NC finally happened because she just couldn't be honest with me and moreover - herself.
Chump64 Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I am the betrayed spouse, but I heard the 'just friends' line. (And we were all friends, as two couples.) As far as I know there was no plan for how to handle things, if caught. They assumed they would never be caught. Even when I became suspicious, they carried on and thought they would not get caught. Even when my husband found a voice recorder under his desk (oops!) at work, they just crapped their pants and quit talking. No one confessed and no plan was made. I do know that they had verbalized to each other that they had never, all along, intended to leave their spouses.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I was wondering, how often is the "were just friends" line used when someone is caught cheating? Even if there has been physical relations, will you still deny it to your spouse? To what extreme will you lie about it? Does the cheater have a well thought out plan before he/she gets caught? If both parties are married, do you have a pact that you wont tell the truth? Just wondering, or do afairs just happen and there is no thought put behind the actions? The just friends line is used almost every time. I used it. Yes, I denied the relations to my spouse. You will go to any extreme to lie about it, until the person provides you valid proof that you cannot explain away. Yes, the cheater often plans ideas in the other partners head about things. For instance, so and so has been leaning on me during their marriage problems...... Yes, I had a pact I wouldn't tell the truth. The affair just happened at first, not looking for it, fell into it.
kpin124 Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I was wondering, how often is the "were just friends" line used when someone is caught cheating? Even if there has been physical relations, will you still deny it to your spouse? To what extreme will you lie about it? Does the cheater have a well thought out plan before he/she gets caught? If both parties are married, do you have a pact that you wont tell the truth? Just wondering, or do afairs just happen and there is no thought put behind the actions? I have used the "were just friends" line when my h found out i was chatting with this guy on the internet.... however since that the relationship has turned into a full blown affair...... me and my om (who is also married) do have a pact that we won't rat the other one out.... so yes it is a well thought out plan as to what i will ever say if i am caught..... everytime i go to meet him i have everything planned out to the t so i don't mess something up and let something slip....
Hurtingtoo Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I used the "we are just friends" line and my affair has just ended. I didn't plan on starting an affair, the needs that I thought were not being met were filled somewhere else. I also met my person online...and to me that might of been my saving grace since we did not live in the same state. In my situation I didn't even think about being caught...You begin to live 2 lives, the one with the OM/OW and the one with the spouse/family. I found I couldn't (nor do I want) to have 2 lives.....
greenshift Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 everytime i go to meet him i have everything planned out to the t so i don't mess something up and let something slip.... Sounds exhausting. I don't get it. If you love your husband, how can you do this to him? And if you don't, why don't you just leave and get it over with? I'll never understand this type of behavior.
tanbark813 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 One of the gf's who cheated on me basically had two bf's. I never knew about the other guy until I found out she was cheating. She did, however, tell him about me since she and I hung out more often and, yes, she told him we were just friends. I found this out because I spoke to the guy on the phone before I spoke to my gf. She was unavailable as she said she would be on a cruise with family but it turned out she was on a cruise with an ex. I sure know how to pick 'em.
cal gal Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 One of the gf's who cheated on me basically had two bf's. I never knew about the other guy until I found out she was cheating. She did, however, tell him about me since she and I hung out more often and, yes, she told him we were just friends. I found this out because I spoke to the guy on the phone before I spoke to my gf. She was unavailable as she said she would be on a cruise with family but it turned out she was on a cruise with an ex. I sure know how to pick 'em. TB- don't be so hard on yourself honey!
tanbark813 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 TB- don't be so hard on yourself honey! I was just being sarcastic. It happened a few years ago and I'm long since over it. I don't speak to the girl often these days but we're on friendly terms now. At the time it happened I was upset, of course, but I can joke about it these days.
Meaplus3 Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 I used the "we are just friends" line and my affair has just ended. I didn't plan on starting an affair, the needs that I thought were not being met were filled somewhere else. I also met my person online...and to me that might of been my saving grace since we did not live in the same state. In my situation I didn't even think about being caught...You begin to live 2 lives, the one with the OM/OW and the one with the spouse/family. I found I couldn't (nor do I want) to have 2 lives..... I am in the process of ending an emotional affair. On top of the fact that I don't want to loose my family and Marriage, I also have found this situation to be very exhausting. I have felt like I have been living two lives and I don't want to live 2 lives anymore!
TeaCooler Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 .... so yes it is a well thought out plan as to what i will ever say if i am caught..... everytime i go to meet him i have everything planned out to the t so i don't mess something up and let something slip.... and your overcompensation of an answer would be what would give it all away in the end.
Guest Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 Listen, there are things going on that you may need help at recognizing. For those of us who are married, and even those who are not, marriagebuilders.com has great stuff to help us understand about our WS's affairs. Sometime we all have to realize that the only ones we can change are ourselves...I guess it all depends on how strongly you feel about saving your marriage. Some betrayed spouses see NO recourse from which to rebuild thier relationships. I can understand that. When I first found out, I was ready to split. But, after thinking about things, I abruptly decided to NOT JUST HAND MY HUSBAND OVER TO HER. Marriagebuilders helped me.
oannamarie Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 I didnt put any thought into my affair. Me and the other guy were just friends in the beginning. I wasnt receiving much attention from my husband at home. Things became more than just friends after a while. He made me feel good about myself. We had sexual relations, oral sex, etc but we never had sex. I told my husband about him but I only told him that we kissed. To me it didnt matter exactly what I did with the other man just that I cheated. I figured I would rather tell my husband some of the truth rather than all so it wouldnt hurt as bad. Either way to him it is all cheating, right?
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