bluesunshine Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 [COLOR=black]Ok, let’s see... i have been with this girl for 8 years. We had a great relationship, never fight, never broken up. i am mid 20's and so is she. 1st couple years of the relationship we see each other almost everyday because we both go to school and it was Great. Last couple years we both only see each other maybe twice a week because we both work and it was good also. I had plan to buy her a 2ct diamond ring to propose to her this v-day.[/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black]Well, although we never fight, we had little arguments here and there but the next day it was like it never happened. About 3 weeks ago she said she wanted a break from us...and i ask why? she said she want time to find herself. I told her Ok... well, after couple days pass, i ask her how she feels... she told me she don’t see herself marrying me or have a future with me. To keep this simple and short...we both have a lot of differences and sometime she don’t like stuff i do and sometime i don’t like stuff she does...but we loved each other very very much.[/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black]Ok, let's fast forward this 2 weeks ago, i was so sad and depressed...couldn't sleep for days and couldn't eat a happy meal....so at night when I can’t sleep all i do is think about her and our relationship...and realized how much she mean to me and how much i love her and i don’t want to loose her and will do whatever it take. Anyhow, i call her and told her that she mean so much to me and i would change my ways and promise not to ever hurt her feeling again...well she cried about two rivers and shot me down and say “NO, the break up is final” (remember this is our 1st time breaking up) ... so all i could say is " OK, i respect your decision but you know i love you " and she say " i love you so much too ".[/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black]Well, couple days later....i took her to eat on V-day and we had lots of fun but i didn't bring up " US " subject...well, we were at a nice fancy restaurant and just sitting there listening to live music and then she just started to cry...i ask her what's wrong...she said nothing...i told her it's ok don’t be sad...things happen for a reason and if it meant to be then one day it will be....[/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black]Well, i haven spoke to her since v-day...but she suggest i read a book called “it’s break up because it's broken” anyone ever read this book....judging from the title, is she trying to hint to me that don’t ever talk to her again? she wants to be friends but i told her i have feeling for her and it's been 8 years and so i can't be her friends...at least not right now....[/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black]What do you all think about this, should I move on with my life or should I try to stay around and maybe she will come back…. All my friends tell me to move on and find someone better than deserve me but I love her so much and think about her 24/7.[/COLOR] [COLOR=black] Also, anyone have comments on this books that she suggested? I'm just a tiny bit biter that she dont give US another chance after 8 years of relationship...[/COLOR]
TeaCooler Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I'm just a tiny bit biter that she dont give US another chance after 8 years of relationship...[/COLOR] well...you can be pretty sure she wouldn't just end 8 years for no reason. she probably just didn't have it in her anymore and it was time to be free.
sandra Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Maybe your girlfriend needs some space. Talk to her. Find out exactly why she wants to break up and fix it. I think you should communicate more and give it some time before you move on.
Author bluesunshine Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 I found out that she has been talking on the phone with her x-bf nearly everyday for the pass couple months. When we 1st started dating she did cheat on me with him and i made her promise not to ever make contacts with him again....and she did kept her promise until recently. Now that she broke the promise and i had to find out on my own... i confronted her and she said they are just friends... she said she just talk on the phone, they haven seen each other for 8 years. She even said that her x-bf has a fiancee.... If he has a fiancee why do they talk to each other so much for the pass months... Do you guys think this is consider cheating? If this is consider cheating...i honestly dont want to ever see her again....as much as i love her...two time cheating is a NO NO NO
Bubster Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Sorry bluesunshine to sort of change the topic, but your situation is quite a regular. I was reading your post and even though it’s been 8 years, I started to think automatically, ‘so who’s the new guy?’ Anyway basically from now if you start asking her to get back with you, she’ll reply yes, than no, than yes, than no, than yes, than no, and so on. Soon you’ll notice your body loosing its size, your head hurting with confusion, and basically your whole world falling apart. You’ll become very unattractive to her. What should you do, well this is going to be really hard, and even I don’t think I could do this... Go have fun... Don’t go nuts, just get into new things, and treat yourself with respect. Eat well, sleep well, work well, study well, do fun things, and most importantly be successful. It sounds to me that she has feelings for this guy. I know his engaged, but her having feelings for this guy, might tell her that you’re not the one for her. Another thing you might consider, but don’t put this against her, is her disrespect to you. You told her after she cheated on you, to never talk to her ex, and here she is for several months, behind your back, chatting to this guy. Take a step back here and ask yourself, if she kept this from my knowledge, and going against what you told her, is the future with her going to be a wise decision? Also if you stay in contact with her, she might lead you on. It’s a cruel thing to do, but sometimes people don’t even know that there doing it. Eight years is a long time to be with someone, and its quite a worry that both of you were on a different page, you wanting TO MARRY HER, and her wanting TO BE FRIENDS, is quite a difference. Don’t settle for friends, IT NEVER WORKS, basically because other men will be involved, and this will destroy you. Just walk away. I know for a fact that you’ll keep going back, but you’ll be learning from your mistakes and the hurt you will feel, and finally just leave it. From there who knows, maybe she’ll realize what she has lost, maybe you’ll be able to be friends down the track, or maybe you’ll never speak, or see her again. Whatever happens to you, just remember that it’s not the end of the world. It’s a sad fact, but everyone is replaceable, and who knows maybe her replacement is even better, and more honest than her. Good luck
Author bluesunshine Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 Thanks Bubster, you made a really good point. 8 years is a very long time... and she was my 1st love and 1st everything so that makes it even harder. I have been doing NC like most of you all say on this forum and each day it does feel a lot better not thinking about her so much. I just don't understand how she wants to talk to her x-bf because when they were together 8 years ago, he treated her like sh*t...took her to McDonald for her b-day and v-day.... only see her once a month (just to have sex with her), didn't show her any type of love....hum...i sit here and wonder....i guess i do not know her as much as i though i did. Anyhow, i will try my best to do NC....and geez it's soo hard to do NC...i have been working two jobs, working out, running 12 miles a week and i still think about her....i guess only time will heal....thanks again guys
Bubster Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Oh crap, “McDonald for her b-day and v-day.... only see her once a month (just to have sex with her)” sounds familiar. Just to let you know he is just leading her on. For my ex they caught up at McDonalds to, where he professed his love for her. Soon after she dumped me for a BS reason, more space, than he would just take her to a car park for a f**k and took her home. She’ll eventually wake up to this, but do yourself a favor, and when she comes crawling back, oh yea she will, COMPLETELY BLOCK HER OFF. Don’t go back to her, because it will never be the same. ‘I’m her second preference’ will keep ringing in your head, and having sex with her will do your head in. You’ll also stumble over so many lie’s that she will feed you. She will sugar coat everything. Right now as you read these words just begin to think and believe that it is truly over. Deep down you’ll be thinking, yea when she comes back I’ll make her beg, than I’ll take her back. But you know what? She’ll dump you again in a week. You’ll soon find out about yet ANOTHER guy. You’ll just be her backup, over and over until she gets what she wants, and leaves you in the dust. You do not deserve this crap. She does not love you, so why should you give her your time. Can you tell I’ve been through a lot of s**t! In my case the condom broke with her ex, and that was there last time. After that wonderful event, she started talking to me again. I finally forgave her for cheating on me, she kissed him, and find myself helping her buy a pregnancy test, with exams on the very next day (I failed 3 out of 4). It came out negative, but there was so much BS, I caught her out of so many lies. Because of my situation, I realize my opinion of your situation can be extremely biased. Things are slowly getting better for me, I ended up telling my ex to remove my mobile, because she kept being a b***h. One thing I know for sure, is if you get back with her, just take her out on a date. As hard as it is, start all over again. Heck you can also date and f**k other girls at the same time, your single, you’re allowed to! Haha sorry a little carried away there. If you choose the NC route, read No Fooling’s post, NC a guide for the long walk or something like that. Again Good luck
Author bluesunshine Posted February 25, 2006 Author Posted February 25, 2006 It's been 2 weeks of NC and i can't seem to get my mind off her. Is it easier just to call her and talk to her as a friend and slowly fade the feeling away? or do i stick to NC.... Everything i do and every music i listen to just remind me of her....ahh i hate this feelings.
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