hurting

[YoungLady]

Hello everyone,

 

First off I'm new to this forum, I'm Laura from Bridgewater in the UK.

 

Please don't judge me on this post because I'm feeling very sensitive right now, and I just want it all to end for good.

 

I'm 16 .. I will be 17 in May.

 

You see, I member of this football forum, and I added this guy to my msn list. He's 33 and has a girlfriend. The thing is I have spoke to him on msn for over a year now, and I'm going up to Birmingham with my friend to meet him.

 

My parents know and are oka as long as I take my mobile, and call them.

 

The thing is .. I feel like I have fallen for him badly. I talk to him EVERY night, until early hours of the morning. He talks to me about anything and everything really. He sometimes teases me about things and sometimes we flirt with each other as well.

 

I don't know what to do though .. I have fallen for him .. he's all I have thought about, and I realised I fell for him hard when he's been on my mind ALL the time for the past week!

 

He has a girlfirend who wants loads of children with him. I know this because my best friend talks to his girlfriend who is also on the forum.

 

I don't know what to do! He isn't aware of my feelings, all he knows is that I find him really cute and he thinks I'm cute too.

 

At the moment, I feel so upset because I am so sick to death have crushing for guys I can't have, and now I have falen for a guy who I can't have.

 

I have been trying to see some good in this situation but had no luck. I have wanted to jump in fron of busses and drink myself to the limit.

 

I am so lost, confused and hurt right now .. I have no idea what to do!

Please help me, I really need some support on this.

 

Thanks,

 

Laura

[RubixCube28]

Hello Laura it's ok I know how hurt and confused you prob feel but.. Let me tell you something from life experances no one and cirtinaly no man.. Is ever worth harming your self over I know it's not how you feel at the moment.. But you should never let any one have that much control over you and your feelings.. Your young yet and have alot to look foward to in your life.. And no one should ever make you think you don't want to be around to see that all happen.. Now I am confused and conserned about a few things here.. 1st why would a 33 year old man be talking to a 16 year old girl on the internet..Espicaly if he has a girl friend already and second if your parents know about this why.. Are they ok with it and even giveing you there blessing to go see him.. I know you prob think he's a great guy and all.. But some things you said just don't add up right..Ok well please be carefull around him if you do end up going there.. And don't do anything to harm your self.. Best wishes to you.. :D

[YoungLady]

hey,

 

Thanks so much for your post. My parents said since I'll be 17 when I go to see him, and I'm with a friend and meeting loads of other people off the forum (who all know each other) in the pub then I will be ok, they told me too be extra careful which I will be.

 

I know no man is worth getting upset over .. but it's the first time I have felt strongly about someone before. His girlfriend already knows I chat to him on msn, and she's alright with it. (Which even I find perculiar)

 

We have photos of each other and he said he's take me to a footy match whenever he's at match near to where I live.

 

He's well know on the forum as he's a moderator and I'm meeting him and everyone else off the forum as well.

 

I just don't know what to do about my feelings for him .. I'm so confused!?

 

Thanks,

 

Laura xx

[kitten chick]

Hi Laura

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much with this. I know these things can be tough.

 

So you have a crush on this 33 year old football player with a girlfriend so you know he's unavailable. You said...

His girlfriend already knows I chat to him on msn, and she's alright with it. (Which even I find perculiar)

To be perfectly honest, she's probably ok with it because it doesn't seem plausable that a 33 year old man would leave his girlfriend for a 17 year old girl. She's probably very secure with their relationship.

 

I know it hurts to hear these things. They're called crushes for a reason. Everyone has been there. Everyone has had a crush on someone that they couldn't have. It's disappointing but it gets easier over time.

 

Who knows, you could get there and he could be really smelly and you wouldn't want him anyway.

[RubixCube28]

Hello again Well it's good to hear that it will be a group meeting setting.. As far as feeling for this man he's 33 and you are 17 honestly.. It's his fault if there was any flirting or leading on as one might say.. And the him haveing a girl friend thing that's just down right odd.. Only thing I can think of is she dosen't realise you too are kinda flirty towards each other.. I know you might have strong feelings for him but honestly.. With that kind of a age diffrence there can be no real connection.. Past maybe superfical physical attraction and it sounds like to me.. He maybe just a older guy getting his kicks off the fact that a young girl will give him attention..Belive me when the age differance is that great 10 years or more.. You guys will have nothing in common in the long run or the same views at all.. I have a good friend that was 18 when she marryed her husband.. Who was in his late 30s early 40s and they now have nothing but probs.. He thinks she is a child as he said to me once.. Well he is a a**h*** we all see that now but.. What I guess I'm getting too is this yes.. You may have developed feelings for this person that's normal.. All tho he shoulden't have allowed it and encouraged it to happen.. Be young live your life and find some one that's.. Some what closer to your own age who you can enjoy shareing the same views and ideas with.. Again Best wishes too you..

[YoungLady]

Hey,

 

Thanks for your posts. I just feel really weird now, everytime I talk him now, I feel really akward about it .. I can't think of anything to talk about.

 

I just don't know how I'm going to feel when I meet him in person .. I hope I feel nothing at all. I really want to us to be friends .. I'll still want to know him 10 years from now.

 

I don't know what made me feel like this in the first place? I hope he never finds out that I feel this way because I don't want to scare him and I don't want him to avoid me either.

 

I just feel really close to him, I miss when he's not online and I'm always glad to see him when I se him pop up.

 

I couldn't sleep last night, because I felt sick and I felt lost and alone. I hate feeling like this, it's awful.

 

Sometimes he complains that he's old, and it really annoys me because 33 isn't even old!!!

 

I hate seeing him annoyed or upset and I just hope that I can cheer up.

 

I dunno what to do anymore ..

 

Laura

[Walk]

I know it's hard feeling like you have a close connection with someone who's in a relationship with someone else. But I wanted to bring up some concerns you may want to think about.

 

First off, his gf is going to be at this pub too. Knowing you feel so strongly about him, this is going to affect you very strongly. He's going to be touching her, talking to her, holding her. I really don't want to see you go there expecting something, and feel like you got smacked in the gut when you see this. It's a horrendous experience, and not one I would wish on anyone.

 

My other concern is the age factor. He is 17 years older then you. No matter how mature you are for your age, you can never match his level of experience in life. You just haven't had the opportunity at this time. It'd be like comparing you to a 10 year old. It's a completely different wave length. Different area of viewing the world from. Intellectually the two of you aren't at the same level, sexually, or financially. (Experience wise only. I'm not trying to say you aren't incredibly bright, your posts are very articulate and inteligent.)

 

Last concern... He honestly could be seriously flawed and hasn't shown you that side of him over the forum. People can be anyone they want to be online. Please be careful. I read all these articles about men trolling for teenagers online. Getting them to meet them somewhere, then convincing them to meet them alone, just for a bit.. only to rape them. These girls were just like you. They weren't stupid, or dumb... just trusting in who these people portrayed themselves to be. So please, please, be extra careful and suspicious of this man. We inheriently want to trust those we care about, but for your safety, be on guard and don't go anywhere alone with him.

[Guest]

Hiya thanks for your post

 

Thanks for sharing your concern, I can't tell you how good it is to talk this over. I can't tell anyone in my family or even my close friends because they just don't really understand me

 

Thanks for getting my attention on his girlfriend being at the pub, never thought of this. I have spoke to her a couple of times and she seems like such a loving and caring person.

 

I just don't understand where these feelings have conme from?

 

I promise I will be extra careful when I go to meet them all. This guy even agreed to take me to a footy match next season. I was really happy he thought of doing this because no-one has EVER offered to do this for me before.

 

I'm just still a bit weirded out by the whole thing.

 

Thanks you

 

Laura