STLguy Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I've been dating a girl for about 3 months now, but I can't help but feel at times she is distant. We see each other practically everyday, and things always seem wonderful, except for a few little things. For example, while walking outside she grabs for my arm a lot less (though she still does). Sometimes while walking she'll run ahead because it's "too cold and she wants to get inside." When she does this she always waits by the door for me to catch up. I also tend to be the one who makes most of the plans. Not all is bad though, she still kisses me when we first meet up, still kisses me randomly occasionally. Says things like "I'm yours," "I love spending time with you" etc. Last night I went to her place to do laundry because the laudramat at my apartment sucks, and I said something like "I know you have a lot of homework to do, I'll try to get out of your hair soon." She replied with something like she liked it when I was in her hair. She even called me out of the blue late last week to meet up. I guess I just feel like I'm giving her more attention than she gives back. I'm really not that needy, I'm fine with how she acts now, she just seems to do little things a lot less often than she did before, and I don't know if I should take that as a bad sign. Perhaps she's just beginning to feel a little more stable within the relationship or something, I don't know. Anyone think I should be worried at all?
AmItheOne Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 In a nutshell...NO! Everyone gets a little more comfortable in a relationship. You said yourself she still does the affectionate stuff, just not as often...that happens in most relationships. I wouldn't worry until she is completely blowing you off or sitting on the other side of the couch while you are watching a movie. Be happy and enjoy each other...but if it really bothers you, just ask her about...she probably doesn't even realize she isn't doing it as often.
Walk Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 As a female.. I think we tend to get a little more secure as time goes by. If she ran to the door, and flew inside without waiting for you, then I'd be upset. Or never touch you in public... So far it sounds like pretty minor stuff... but at the same time, you don't want it to get out of hand. It might be better to sit down with her, and just explain that you've noticed things aren't as cuddly/affectionate as it used to be and that if there's a problem or something you'd like to talk about it with her before it becomes too big. Just reassure her you're attempting to be proactive, and that you really like her (if you two having exchanged I love yous yet) and want her to be happy. Another thing, and I can't say for sure, I'm just going off of a couple things you said... it may be that you're around a little too much. Like the laundry thing. She may really want to see you, and be with you, but sometimes when we have work to do we get a little resentful that the bf is always there. I wouldn't want to be rude in a situation like that, where my bf comes over, but at the same time, I might be a bit distance because i'd be thinking.. "Gosh, I have so much homework to do.. I'm never going to get it al done by the time he leaves." I wouldn't want to just say, "Hey, get out. I've got work to do." But at the same time, wish he'd get the hell out so I could do my homework. But maybe this isn't the same for her. I don't know her.
gfto Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 We see each other practically everyday. way too often
organic chemistry Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I have the same problem. I see my bf almost everyday. We r students. We live in close proximity. It's hard not to see each other often. But I have noticed too. It's borng. There's not much to talk about. And all we do it's getting together eating meals, watch some TV. There's no romantic date. Nothing special. And it's not that special to see each other anymore. Sex is not exciting anymore. Sounds so much like he's cheating on me...My bf has been really busy these 3 wks. He's a grad student and he has to work in lab 9-9pm on projects. But it hits me. Suddenly I'm worried that he has met another girl. But how can students deal with the situation? I understand in relationship have to stop seeing so frequently to spice it up again. But we go the same sch. Do I just cancel every meeting opportunity from now on?
Walk Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I don't think it's so much about not seeing each other so often, as it is having interests outside of the relationship too. So if you two live and go to school in the same area, see each other all the time, its not like you have to avoid the other person. Join a club, learn to play a musical instrument, go out with friends, meet new people, volunteer, or tutor. So that some day's instead of sitting around with your SO eating the same meal and watching another movie, you go out with friends instead. Or whatever it is you like to do. I think the thing that got boring to me being in a relationship where I saw my SO nearly all day/everyday, was just that we had nothing new to talk about. Once we covered how work was.... what was there to talk about? He was with me when I saw friends, I was with him when we watched the football game with the guys.... what do you talk about? So I found other things to do with some of my time. Went out with my friends alone. Found new hobbies and goals. We had more things to talk about. Interests to share. Things that may have sparked a better understanding in who we each were, and what we enjoyed. Just don't get caught in the rut, and if you feel you are starting too... then find anything you can to break out of it. New positions/places in sex, new hobbies, new friends, new goals, new something. Or different ways to do the old. It takes a lot of work, but you have to work hard to keep a relationship from getting stagnant.
ehead Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 That's really good advice Walk. Sometimes it can be irritating if you feel like you are the only one trying to spice things up. I think different people have different feelings about "the rut" though. I swear some people actually really look forward to the rut. These people take a great deal of comfort from the regularity and predictability of things. Others can't stand the rut. I'm sort of in the middle I suppose. I think my girlfriend sort of likes it, which probably accounts for why she doesn't put any effort into spicing things up at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm just doing everything in the relationship. Like I am here just to entertain her. I buy tickets to shows, plan special events, I'm the one always wanting to eat somewhere different. Oh well, I don't mind being the entertainer I suppose.
Cecelius Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I think that you are too close in the relationship too fast. 3 months is pretty quick to be doing laundry at her place - as soon as she feels like she can count on your presense 14/7, she will start to settle in like this. She may enjoy it somewhat or not actively be bothered by it, but she is not getting the thrill she wants.
Guest Posted February 25, 2006 Posted February 25, 2006 These people take a great deal of comfort from the regularity and predictability of things. Others can't stand the rut. I'm sort of in the middle I suppose. I think my girlfriend sort of likes it, which probably accounts for why she doesn't put any effort into spicing things up at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm just doing everything in the relationship. Like I am here just to entertain her. I buy tickets to shows, plan special events, I'm the one always wanting to eat somewhere different. oh...thx for telling me that...yeah I do feel like do all the work to spice up the relationship. I think my bf is just those who take great deal of comfort from regularity and predictability. He can "tolerate" eating at the same restaurant ordering the same thing for few days. I use the term "tolerate". But I guess to him it's perfectly fine. I can't do that. I am the one always wanting to eat something different. I stress out finding new recipes to cook, thinking about new restaurant to try. I stress out mainly because I feel like if there's no variety, we will get bored and he will find someone else. But he commented about that saying I shouldn't worry. He is ok with eating the same food for few days.
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