skinut2234 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 OK- very frustrated... let's see how many of you can relate. I am the breadwinner (wife is SAHM)- works 2 nights a week part time. I make what I would consider decent money. Since we've moved into our house- I've been wanting to redo some rooms in the house that are falling apart (house needs lots of work)- She is not bothered in the least by any of them- where I am.... I want to spend the money and get the kitchen redone among other things and she just does not spend the $$$. This is causing a huge rift. I listen to her concerns about spending the money but how to we come to an agreement? I have different thoughts on money than she does..... Not sure how to handle...... (has anyone seen a relationship where the man wants a new kitchen and the woman doesn't??)
KonRyuu Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 You are married now, your money is no longer your money nor hers is hers, it is now both of your money. Otherwise it is more like you are roomates than spouses. You need to sit her down and have a civilized conversation about your feelings with her, if you can't communicate this to her, then the problem will only continue, or even worsen. Believe me, my wife loves to splurge on things when we don't even have the money, I feel like I'm being her damn parent half the time telling her, no, we can't afford that, or no, we have to fix this in the house, etc... she will hopefully realize one day, like I am hoping my wife will, that your house is what you take pride in , I'm sure she doesn't want to live in a crappy shack for the rest of her life right? (this is how I proposition my wife, lol). Other things can come later, ie...clothing and all that. Or maybe you can come to an agreement, where you can spend money on something that you want to have done, and then the next time you have money, spend it on something that she wants, as long as it's within reason of course. and just continue this cycle until you both get what you want. Hope this helps.
Author skinut2234 Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 Thanks- That's the other part that drives me nuts...... When it comes to things she wants (clothes, out to eat etc.....) we never seem to have any money problems...... When I want to save and fix up the house- we are broke- I cannot stand living like this every day... I've expressed my frustration that it looks like hell- but since it does not bother her- it's hard to sell her on spending the money to make it look nice
KonRyuu Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Tell her that you feel you need to some kind of an agreement, like I said, you get something, she get something, everything is kept pretty fair that way. I'm sure you make more money than me and ****, we can afford $650 a month in rent + utilities, +$150 every two weeks for groceries, plus two packs of cigarettes every 2 days, plus gas, plus going out and doing things together, and can afford every now and then to buy things to fix up the house. I'm only making $8 an hr., which is really ****ty, I'm used to atleast making $10 an hr., but where we live now, the jobs are ****. Considering I read the paper and it said that in CA for 1 person living in a studio apartment would need to make $10.45 an hr. just to make ends meet, did I forget to mention we have 2 cats and a dog to feed and buy treats for also? You need to make her realize that you can afford it and that it would make you happy. if she doesn't want you to be happy, see a counselor if things don't get better, I would suggest separating for a while or divorce.
bab Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 if she doesn't want you to be happy, see a counselor if things don't get better, I would suggest separating for a while or divorce. Divorce seems a bit strong for a offense of not wanting to redo the kitchen!! I can possibly understand where you wife is coming from, and it's probably totally mental. Dropping $15 bucks for lunch, doesn't seem like a big deal, and she probably doesn't even notice. But redoing a kitchen costs thousands of dollars. It can make anyone anxious. If you truely can afford to redo the kitchen (not on the credit card), you can afford to take your wife with you on an appointment to see a financial advisor. Ask the advisor if they think you can afford to do it, and work with them to set up a budget for your life and your overall savings plan. If your wife hears it from someone who knows what they are talking about, it will help with her fears. On the other hand, be prepared for them FA to be VERY realistic. If you can't actually afford it, they will let you know that too. Then it may be quite awhile before you can convince her to try it again.
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