fallenheart45 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Well I"m completly lost! I miss my ex soooo freaking much its not even funny. I love her to death still! WHY ...WHY WON'T THIS GO AWAY!? I know everyone preaches about NC. And you know what, I haven't broke NC since Dec, 5th! That's right Dec 5th. But do you know what? She always breaks NC with me, wither it be an IM or a text message. I get sooooo frustrated, I just want to pour my heart out. But I know if I do then it just looks like I am a complete wimp! For example this past weekend, she texts me just to tell me one of her friends are getting married! WTF!!!!! I don't F*UCKING CARE! Then what do I do? I over analyze why she is texting me and breaking NC with me all the time. Does she have a boyfriend? I don't know...prob, she's too beautiful without one. I just don't know what to do anymore..........I figure..If I don't change and try ...nothing will ever change...
RubixCube28 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Ok 1st if you don't F*UCKING CARE then change all your numbers and be finaly and compleatly done with it.. If not then figure out what you want with her..And then talk to her and maybe find out why the heck she sends you compleatly useless texts..Eather way sounds like you need closure one way or the other.. Best of luck to you..
WeaknPowerless Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Not that women who are broken up with don't go crazy, it just seems like guys get that much more messed up. I don't think we're used to being let go, and when we think of them as the most beautiful/sexy, etc...it seems to linger that much more. I know I have days where I lose my mind that she's gone. I feel inadequate to even approach someone who I may think could hold a candle to her. The only thing that really works and is effective for me is to do the whole "What did I dislike about you" list. It took A LONG time for me to even accept the things I disliked about her, but after awhile, it really does start to register in the brain. Granted, I still find her faults minimal, but it does help take her off the pedestal. Chalk this up to one bad day man. Tomorrow will be different. Don't do anything if you don't want. No one is forcing you to do anything. So say "screw it" and take a day off or something.
fooled Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I thought you were doing okay - I didn't know you were still missing her. Well, brother, you are because she is still in your life. You don't respond to her, do you? You may have to go the drastic route and change all your numbers.
kitten chick Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Have you TOLD her to stop contacting you?
Dinnj1 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 sounds like curiousity is getting the best of her, just as it is you... hence... "Possible boyfriend" IMO I wouldn't respond UNLESS she gets relentless and speaks of feelings and emotions. Only then I would allow contact, but be cool, aloof... give her some time, but cut the time short. Don't be like me... a big P**** that starts babbling and stuttering the minute she calls. "I miss you, what if this? what if that?" ACK! then I kick myself in @ss afterwards for filling up her head.
Mariella43 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Here's some advice from someone who's been thru exactly what you're feeling........the panic attacks and intensity of missing her will eventually go away - it just takes some time. I'm on month 8 of NC with my breakup - the first 4-5 months are killers. But I promise all of you - if you hold on and don't cave in and do anything crazy - the intense feelings pass. It's just a stage you gotta ride out. I went thru this many times! I never heard a word from my ex while I was suffering and missing him and feeling insecure and rejected. Then I started having days and weeks where I found myself not thinking about him anymore and the sun was shining again, etc. You do get past this stage you just gotta let it run its course. What happened with me recently is I finally got over him and moved on and what does he do? Starts calling me and driving by my house!!! When you get over your ex it's then they somehow have radar signals that you've finally moved on - and they come back! Weird. Stick to your guns - keep yourself busy - that's the key.
In Sync Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Look..this is how it goes...she's IM you because she likes knowing you are on STANDBY mode, ready and willing and waiting to jump and be available to her. Her IM'ng you is NOT about you. It's 'bout keeping you a little warm.."just in case". If you don't want this playing with your mind game to continue cease all contact. If you think she is sending you double messages that's in your head. You're trying to read into her text messages. It's simple enough to just be straight up and ask her what she wants..or don't allow her to contact you. The first few months are like withdrawin from drugs and that's with complete NC...meaning no text messages AT ALL. So you are inviting trouble and woes when you read her IM's because naturally, as you have proven, you are getting all wrapped up and analyzing iwhatever verbal junk she's tossing at you.
bendit Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 You are torturing yourself by reading her text messages and her IMs. Pure TORTURE. Stop doing this. MAN up big guy and block her IM. Delete her text messages unread. I would change my cell number. This is the worst thing you can do because you are resigned to not respond yet you allow her to contact you! This is insane. Take the next step to healing. I know it seems FINAL but do you want to get through this? Then take my advice and seal all the cracks. NO CONTACT. NONE. Make her history. NOW. regards
Author fallenheart45 Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 Thanks guys.. I am tring to stay NC because It hurts just too damn much to just talk to her normally, knowing that I want to talk about us, even though she doesn't want me. Its hard.......1 of the hardest things I have delt with in my whole freakin life. But I got a quick question. I know you all say don't reply now..etc. etc. AND I WON'T!!! But would it be alright for me to sign on line? I know she has my name... I don't have her blocked... But I dont 'have her on my list to see if she is on line or not. ... I guess my quesiton is...would it be alright if I sign on line, even if she happends to IM me...btw I won't get the message becasue I get that approve box coming up asking if I want to read her message or not....I always click no.. Should I just sign off all together or just immediatly sign off WHEN AND IF she IM'S me....? Thanks....
bendit Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Block Her. Just do it. Block her emails. Delete her voice messages or change your telephone number. Look. Do you want to keep going backwards or do you want to get through this? Its your choice. It will take courage but block her and delete her. Put this behind you forever. regards
Author fallenheart45 Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 wow... Thanks alot! I think I am just not going to sign on. PERMANTLY. SHE WILL FEEL THE SILENCE.... .....................
Dinnj1 Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Should I just sign off all together or just immediatly sign off WHEN AND IF she IM'S me....? your computer, MSN and temptation is gonna be absolute torture... I'd toss the whole damn system out the 2nd floor window and call it a day.
Delicaterose00 Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Hey there dude. Im knowing how you feel, and yoru ex is doing the same thing my ex did, keeping me on back burner incase the girl he was choosing over me wasn't what he though, and I fell for for it, so I played fool twice. Its been 9 months for me... and Im still hurting.. but I think Im more upset that I havent found anyone to love like he has more so than missing him really bad... but I do still miss him. Sometimes there will always be the one that got away, and this time might have been it; but we fall in love again, even though we are still thinking our ex's hold our hearts, we will find love again. Take this as a huge lesson ya know? Now you know certain signs you never new to look out for, now you know what you will and wont do in the next relationship. This is a big learning experiance and remember, its not the experiance that matters, but what we do about the experiance that matters. Love hurts, no matter how strong, how tall or short, how hot or ugly, it hurts the same for everyone. There is no tolerance. I happende to change my phone number and deleted my ex from my IM lists, but that was mostly becuase his new girl was texting me and stuff. What really sucks is he is bestfreinds with someone Im close to in my family so I always have to be careful he wont be around when I am.. How horrible is that!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I did a banishing spell today to rid him out of my life.. well see if it works. lmao But anyways... it does get better, and believe me there is always something better out there... always somethign better. You have just got to be patient; which by the way, sucks ass, I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you feel better dude... write me back sweetie. Kristen.
Author fallenheart45 Posted February 26, 2006 Author Posted February 26, 2006 Delicaterose... Thanks sweatheart! I know I"m not the only one feeling like this. In fact I wish everyone was happy, exspecailly people who are on this website! My ex and I have been on and off...I haven't seen her since the Begining of November of last year. I still think of her like all the freaking time. I just can't help it. But I never call her, I never Initiate a text...or an IM. If that happends its just her. What is really sad is last SUNDAY I was talking to her on IM and I mentiond " I Miss you being here to hang out and stuff" she said, "whoa, I didn't see that coming" I go, " Sorry..I said that", she says..."That's ok, its cool, its no big deal" Pshh...that is just lame...I try to shout out some last effort feeling..she don't give a s***!!!!!! .........sigh....and I havent' talken to her since...and don't plan to ... She doesn't want me...never will...
Delicaterose00 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Well, do not talk to her for starters.. Nothing you will say will automatically change her mind. I never asked, how long were you together on and off? Mine last relationship was 2 years. Ive actually had a really really bad day today. My cousin, who is married to my ex's bestfreind, tells me stuff sometimes... and she shouldnt... sometimes I do ask.. but she was telling me stuff this weekend and it got me all sad. He is being the guy I wanted him to be when we were together. He is doing all the things for her that I wanted him to do for me but that was a problem, I was asking to much, I didnt give him freedom blha blha blha.. and she is worse than I am!!!! And I was not even that bad.. all I wanted was a phone call durring the night while he was out.. not hard to ask. I guess, IF she LETS him go out, he has to call her every hour on the hour.. lmao.... oh well.. . so I am just freaking sad today. If he would be the same person he was when he left me it woudlnt be this bad, but he is who I wanted... but yet, I still wanted him even when he wasnt all I wanted him to be, I loved his faults too... I could never hate him, I might always love him, maybe just until I meet the love of my life.... And by the by, you dont look like you cant find someone fast. lol lol... Although, Im sure you hear that quite frequently on here dont ya dude! lol lol lol. ~ ANYWAYS, DONT TALK TO HER, YOUR BOOSTING HER EGO!!, oh ya.. and maybe just maybe, when she does try contacting you, tell her how you finally met someone.. and then tell her, sorry have to go.. ttyl.. lol... See how she reacts.. but also.. after you tell her that, dont talk to her for a few days. Sometimes you dont realize things until you find out what you had is now truly gone, wether you left the person or not. Sometimes it works... I know that sounds childish, but it worked for a time with my ex, until I told him that he was still who I wanted and I was just settling, then he went back to being an ass.. but.. ya never know. Keep strong. Its funny, I was being sad right before I came down here to see if you wrote back, and Im like.. someone right now at this moment is feeling as ****ty as I do, someone thinks they lost the greatest thing that ever happended to them too! lol.. and its like... Everyone goes through this.. well 90% of people... but ... everyday a heart gets broken.. is what my ex told when he left me.. like it wasnt a big deal.. ass hole.. but Im saying it to you as just a reality..we are not alone... Tonight, somewhere.. someone is going to feel like their world is over.... but its not.. And thats why there is this website. lmao.... sweet dreams......
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 I say get a whole new IM username. Scrap the other one and add on the people you had before, minus her name. You shouldn't have to hide and not be online because of her. So, get another alias. The busier you keep yourself, the less you'll think about her. And the less you'll care too. Keep positive and post away as much as you need to. Feel better soon!
Author fallenheart45 Posted February 27, 2006 Author Posted February 27, 2006 Del... Thanks alot for your support and comments! Each wakeing second is a struggle for me. When I love...I love hard... It been at about 4 months since we have been apart...just doesn't seem like its true...I feel like I can't believe this is happening still I mean some times I just pause on what I am doing and nothign matters what is going on in my life except my thoughts...geezus! This can't be normal!
kitten chick Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 I really feel for you. You seem like a really genuine person which is so rare these days. I hate to say this because I think it's over hyped here but you need to implement NC. By keeping in touch with her you're allowing her to have a hold over you and not allowing yourself time away to heal. Do not take her calls, do not take her IMs (block her), do not look at her websites, don't look at pictures, just nothing to do with her. Cut her out for your own sanity and healing. She's already moved on, now it's your turn. If you're really really invested in someone, which it seems you were, it takes a really long time to get over it. I'm sorry to have to say this but you're right, she doesn't want you and you have to accept it. She's not as caring an individual as you. Remember that you're the better person in this.
Author fallenheart45 Posted February 27, 2006 Author Posted February 27, 2006 Thanks for your kind words kitten! They really are helping me. As I read your post...I started to get teary eyed....I don't know why I think I just sometimes think that what you said and alot of people said, is that I wish my ex would feel the same way you all do...and how you say it! Does that make sense? I'm sorry....I"m a little depressed...hell, I"m very depressed. Think I will go take some "sominex" some more to try to help me sleep...
Delicaterose00 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Hey Fallen.... I have to say, I wish I could find a guy that would love me as hard and deep as you loved your girl. lol lol lol. They are haaaarrrrrd to find! You never said how long you were together though... you only said how longs its been since you have not talked to her. Sleeping for me was actually good, my hard thing was the mornings.. once the morning hit I realized that another day of being depressed was going to start and I would shake and immediatley cry in the morning... it was horrible... but that is over now.. now I only think of him when I get in the car in the morning and the music hits instead of right when I get up.. I dont think of him every second, but I think of him, and soon you wont be thinking of her every waking second either. If the person you love does not love you as much as you love them, they dont deserve you anyways!!!!!!!!!! My ex does not in any way deserve the kind of love I had for him... but it sucks I had to feel it just to get it ripped away from me. Love is our best freind and our worst enemy..... IT is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved in your life.... isnt it? I would say the first time, but any times after that.. its just not fair!! Thats how I feel.. and right now.. its not fair! Its like... why do people who hold so much love and give people are alll end up the ones hurt?? Why do they get to have the love and we are left empty? But then again, if they would not have left us, we wouldnt have grown into what we are about to become. If he had not left me, I would not be the person I am today..... and I believe that happend for a reason. Some people come into our lives for a season, some cone into our lives for years, some come to stay... but all the ones that left were hear for a purpose, and when that purpose for us was filled, we no longer needed them so they left for no known reason to us.. it just happens. If you believe in fate, destiny, whatever.... this will make sense eventually... Im open to many ideas so its easy for me to always try and take the positive out look on this.. of course.. the first 5 to 6 months I couldnt see any light at the end of the tunnel, I didnt even want to live... but then I saw it. Im still not at the end... but Im almost there. Im waiting too a hand reach for me, the hand of my true love... but until that happens, Ill be running.. and continue to be strong as you have to do. " We survived before we met them, we will survive after they have gone"....... Good night sweetie, I hope you get some sleep. Bye for now.
Delicaterose00 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Im sorry my posts are so long and my spelling is bad, I type so fast sometimes I dont realize it. lol lol. I hope your having an ok morning. Thats all mine are right now, ok. It might not be your ex, but at least someone is thinking of you this morning... Try to have a great day!!
bendit Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 fallen unfortunately, you are way behind where you would have been if you had went NC for four months. Don't worry because most of us had a hard time doing that. But its almost like yesterday for your feelings of depression and that shouldn't be the case after 4 months apart. The reason you hurt so much is you have had contact with her and that can destroy you if you still want her and she doesn't want you. That's an unbalanced position and your self esteem takes a beating every time you contact. Please Please take our advice and cut off all contact. Take a lesson from Fooled and cut contact off completely. Start to heal. Let go. Block her im and don't listen or read messages. Take the final step and close the door. Ok? Good luck. regards Del... Thanks alot for your support and comments! Each wakeing second is a struggle for me. When I love...I love hard... It been at about 4 months since we have been apart...just doesn't seem like its true...I feel like I can't believe this is happening still I mean some times I just pause on what I am doing and nothign matters what is going on in my life except my thoughts...geezus! This can't be normal!
Author fallenheart45 Posted February 27, 2006 Author Posted February 27, 2006 Awww thanks DEL! Thanks for thinking of me! <3 Del...I agree with you mornings are BY FAR THE WORSE. I can't hardly sleep anymore since about the begining of Novemeber. I always ..ALWAYS wake up in the middle of the night, and the first 3 seconds upon me waking is her thought going thru my mind. I just want to jump on facebook, or myspace to she if she wrote to anyone. And I even want to check her away message .. BUT I DON'T! TRUST ME! =) I know that will just cause further pain that is not needed. I am really effected in the morning. Hell I"m effect through out the whole day actually, but most prone in the morning for sure! But you made my morning a little better! Oh and we started dating on March 10th 2004 . ....so we have had ALOT of memories.... I still can't see my self without her...I should show you a pic...she is a knock out! =( sigh.....If you would like I will tell you what went seriously wrong on her part.. Benedict.... I am going NC for SURE! NOT even signing on line. NOTHING! IF( and I know she wont') texts me to see how I am doing...I WON'T RESPOND! I won't look at pictures..notes..nothing...e-mail's...nothing. What is really sucks, is that I have a movie of her..doing "sexually" things. and many naked pictures of her. Becasue when I wasn't with her, she would send those to me to keep me company till I saw her on the weekends. She lives in chicago..and I like 2 hours down south... so hard..........so really really hard!....
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