MusicWoman Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 From someone who has had the mental problems your wife has right now, go on and take those two weeks to work, work towards the new job, and spend as much time with her as possible. Its gonna be two hell weeks....but afterwords the pay off will be great and she will thank you for it...after you have the extra money you can think about things like getting her a therapist...and if she already has one for anti anxiety/panic attack meds, getting her in there more often. Maybe saving up for another car, or to move somewhere closer to where her friends are...if you were only 15 or 10 minutes away people might even be more apt to come pick her up. She needs to do something to keep her busy...probably something creative. If she doesn't want to leave the house yet something via the internet, or working somewhere low key down the street within walking distance like a book store if she likes to read....waitressing really is high stress if you are prone to panic attacks.
Becoming Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Frankly, I'm baffled by advice to get out of this marriage. Where does that come from? A view that people are like disposable razors or something--once they're no longer useful, you throw them away? KR has come to us to vent a little and ask advice, not get berated for being lazy with a wife who wants to suck the gov't dry with a lawsuit. I'm ashamed of us, LSers. We're usually better than this. KR, you probably gave yourself the best word anyone else has offered: we both need to mature. I mean, we took ourselves, threw ourselves into a marriage and all of our previous relationships were completely immature. girlfriends and boyfriends, never any true commitment, straight into a marriage, it just takes time. And with the lord by our side we have all the time in the world. You have a wisdom beyond your years, and you're going to do fine. Being newly married is really hard, especially when you have a W with lots of issues from her past, it sounds like, AND a serious medical condition. She's just scared, and she wants you to quell the fear--that's all. Just keep reassuring her. It'll take lots and lots of time and patience on your part because of her deeply held childhood beliefs that loved ones aren't really there for her. But with your love and devotion, you will function as a little christ to help redeem her. I don't want to lay that trip on you, but that's what spouses do for one another in the Lord. Prayers and blessings. And congrats on new job. Someone needs to do such work, but it sounds like icky work to expose yourself to all the time. May a hedge of protection in HS protect your soul in the midst of it.
jmargel Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 You are missing the 'big' picture here. She is relying on YOU to make her happy. That's too much of a responsibility for anyone to handle and the marriage would be doomed to failure. What you need to do is get her some counseling. Let the marriage counselor do their work and diagnose her properly. I was once in your shoes as well, and in the end I was the blame for everything. You have become her emotional punching bag. Though she might love you she has severe mental/emotional problems that you can't fix. Make an appointment for a counselor and tell her in a way that won't scare her. Just tell her you setup an appointment with a counselor not because you are thinking of ending the marriage but want advice on things you two can't seem to be able to solve. You want to 'understand' her better. If you don't do this I can guarantee things will get worse. Save your own sanity and go this route.
Lennox Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 The LAST thing you should be thinking about at this point is planning to have children with this woman. She needs psychiatric help and she needs it quickly. She appears to be so unstable that I can imagine her drowning your children in a car parked on the bottom of a lake...know what I mean???? She needs a lot more help than you're capable of giving her alone. As spouses, we can handle each other's paper cuts and booboos...but if stitches are required, we don't break out the sewing needle and thread and attempt to do it on our own. From what I hear, being a parent can make the most sane person go insane at times.
Becoming Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 You are missing the 'big' picture here. She is relying on YOU to make her happy. That's too much of a responsibility for anyone to handle This is most definitely true. And yes, counseling can help.
Recommended Posts