xxbaddgurl83xx Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I ended things with my boyfriend of 3 years this past weekend and now I just don't know what to do. To make a long story short I cheated on my boyfriend a few times throughout our relationship. Well he found out about it back in June because a so called "friend" of mine got mad at me and decided to tell him everything. Well we split up for about 3 months because of it. He then decided that he wanted to try to work things out despite the fact that I cheated on him. So we got back together and I moved in with him. He basically wanted me to move in with him so he would know that I wouldn't be out cheating. So, we've been living together since January and I haven't cheated on him since the beginning of June. Well even though he choose to stay with me he still always has to bring it up. We could get into the littlest arguments and it always turns into "well you cheated on me, blah, blah, blah". Its ridiculous and manipulate! Every time I get angry at him he always has to turn it around on me. I understand that I hurt him and I understand that it is going to take a long time for him to get over it and trust me again but how are we suppose to move forward in our relationship if he constantly brings up the past!?! I'm just getting tired of him putting me down. Not a day goes by that he doesn't bring it up, sometimes he will just say something out of no where and then laugh it off like he was joking but it still hurts and its still not necessary to bring it up every day. So anyway, to get to why we broke up.... Friday night we went out with some friends of mine. Well we were at the bar and everything was going great. We were having fun and even talking about getting married this summer. Well, when we got back to my friends apartment my boyfriend wanted to talk to her so he went in her room and they were talking. Well me, being the jealous nosy girlfriend that I am stood right next to the door and was listening to their conversation. Nothing was going on, but I just get really paranoid at times. I guess I just think that he is going to try to get back at me and cheat on me one day. Well when he came out of the room he saw me standing there and he flipped out. He was all like "why can't you trust me when your the cheating whore" "your a slut" and then he goes on trash talking my family, like he always does when we get into arguments. Well my friend got so angry at the stuff he was saying to me that she came out of her room and got up in his face and they were screaming back and forth. She told him to get out of her house so he finally left. Well Saturday me, my mom and a police officer (he has a temper so its better to be safe than sorry, know what I mean?) went to the apartment to get my stuff. Now my boyfriend doesn't understand why we are breaking up over a petty argument, but its not the petty argument that we are breaking up over. Its the way he talks to me and the way he treats me. I am not going to live my life with someone who is always putting down me, my friends and my family. If you hear something enough you start to believe it and I refuse to get to that point where I feel that I am totally worthless. I already feel like I'm a terrible girlfriend, I don't need his help in making me feel like crap. How can you sit there and tell someone that you love them and want to marry them in one sentence and then call them a slut and a whore in the next?! That's not love. Its not a healthy relationship. He choose to stay with me after the cheating! But it just seems like he holds too much resentment against me for the cheating for us to ever be able to have a normal relationship. There is just too much damage done here. I know it takes a long time to get over someone cheating on you but if he makes comments like this now, he will probably be doing it forever. It's been over 8 months since I cheated and nothing has changed. He is the same way to me now that he was when he found out. I just can't deal with that. Some couples can work past infidelity, but I just don't see us being one of those couples. I don't know what's going to happen. To be honest with you, I'm devastated and I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped out, but at the same time its almost like a sigh of relief because I don't have to deal with that anymore. So now he keeps calling and texting me telling me to come home, I'm being strong so far but I just hope I stay that way. Its so hard though because I just wish that we could work past this and move forward in our relationship, but it just doesn't seem like that is going to happen. I love him so much and I don't want to let him go but I don't know what else I should do. Any advise or words of wisdom?? (sorry this is so long!)
fooled Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Well, you are correct that it is not a healthy relationship. Neither of you trust each other. You are correct in realizing that there is too much damage to continue together. He clearly doesn't have the capacity to forgive your mistakes - even if you have gotten past whatever made you cheat and can now be faithful. That's not his fault - but it is the reality. If there is no trust - there is no relationship. You can love him and you can miss him. But you can't be together. I have no sympathy for cheaters. But at least it seems you had genuine remorse for your indiscretions - and I hope you realize what made you do it and resolved that within yourself for future relationships.
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