How Important Is Honesty? The 'Good' Lies That Keep Them Happy

[riobikini]

Question: Would you lie to your partner?

 

I just read the complete thread -not the scan-thru version- of AlphaMale's thread called 'AlphaMale's Guide To Keeping Women Around'.

 

It was stunningly correct.

 

Nothing in his top ten list was offensive nor out of line with the fundamental criteria necessary, whether they be male or female, in being prepared for, and functioning as a self-respecting individual in a give-and-take relationship.

 

That said, -my post has to do with one of the responses in Alpha's thread about the subject of total honesty.

 

There is no human being capable, in my opinion, of total honesty.

 

We all lie for many reasons.

 

In all kinds of relationships where there is genuine caring for the other partner, mostly in romantic ones, we still, often wind up lying to save their feelings from being hurt, or from some other emotion, -anger, doubt, etc.

 

These are, sometimes, viewed as harmless, benign lies, that follow along the lines of "Honey, you look fine", -when, obviously, they could stand to lose a few pounds, -except we we don't want to say that. We have, perhaps, learned to love or ignore the few extra pounds, just the same.

 

Or, -maybe it's tolerating certain behavior that we really cannot stand, but have learned to cope quietly with.

 

All to save hurt feelings, or other unwanted emotions.

 

So we do lie.

 

But we do have limits and standards of what lies are acceptable, and to what length we will tolerate them, -for ourselves, or from our partner.

 

***The point to this thread are these questions: What are your personal feelings about the value of honesty in a relationship? And would you, -or have you- lied to your partner about anything, -and about what?***

 

-Rio

[riobikini]

Oh Boy! -'Honesty' has received zero votes....(laughing)...musing to myself...that does explain a few things.

 

-Rio

[Sassy]

Honesty is very important to me in a relationship . I feel that if someone lies there is a reason behind it. If you don't have honesty in a relationship what do you have ? Even the little ones can be very hurtful and cause problems .

[phyrespryte]

I don't mind little the little lies since I use them too. The superficial lies aren't always bad. It depends on the situation. I think if a person was 100% honest, they would have a very difficult life.

 

But I do think being honest about yourself is important. There's nothing worse than finding out that that person isn't who you thought they were. And if they lie about who they are they're going to lie about everything. Like my first love...when we first met he lied about being a smoker. That seemed like a little lie. Then he lied about being a christian, he lied about past relationships and about friends it just kept on going. All of this was to impress me. But when he came clean two years later I couldn't stand to be around him. I was disgusted. It was like I didn't know who he was.

 

If someone feels the need to lie about their personality then they're probably real messed up.

[Candied-Heart]

I def. agree. We do tell lies to keep our SO's happy. Like saying you like his ratty ugly shirt he wears to bed, or that he doesn't have a 'beer gut', just like when he says your bum 'doesn't look big in this'

 

I think that women generally like to hear these sorts of 'lies' even if they know it may not be true, but I tend to find myself saying "No you don't, you think I'm heavier than I was when we met you just won't say' etc. BF agrees with me, because he feels with any woman you can't win with blunt honesty. It's not sexist.. it's sadly true. LOL

[Craig]

Of course everyone lies, and if they say they don't lie they are probably big liars and should be avoided in a relationship.

 

Honesty in a relationship is required regarding things that will or could affect either partner or the relationship.

 

It's kind of like the difference between "secrets" and "privacy." Some people say there should be no private areas in a relationship. I disagree. I don't want my SO taking a dump with the door open and I don't want to share confidential work related materials with my SO because she doesn't work for my company, she hasn't signed non-disclosure, confidentiality and trade secret agreements and I have. Etc. I do want to know if she has a desire to go out and buy a new car or if she's having lunch with the same guy 3 times a week because it may affect our relationship.

 

On other issues like supporting my partner in what she wants to do, I may not agree with her choice of actions or necessarily believe that she can accomplish what she wants to but unless she is being destructive in some way I am going to be her greatest fan, advocate and supporter. And I would expect the same of her.

[Butterflying]

Doesn't matter what the situation. There is never a GOOD reason to lie. If it's a matter of sparing a loved ones feelings, the we should learn ways to tell the truth without hurting people.

 

For instance, my co-worker Lina has been doing a terrible job. People have been saying very negative things about her behind her back. Today, she asked my opinion of her behavior. Well, I agree with our co-workers. Lina is not a good worker.

 

I care about Lina. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But I didn't lie to her. I said,

"Lina, you haven't put forth much effort towards the job. But I've seen your work when you were doing your best. I know you are capable of exceeding the expectations. Maybe you should apply yourself the same as you did when you took this job."

 

Instead of being offended, Lina told me the reason for her recent behavior. We ended up talking more and our communication has improved.

[monkey00]

communication requires honesty, and vice versa.

 

However idont think anyone in a relationship can be 100% honesty. There'll usually be little white lies or whatever that help to preserve the relationship. normally it's 2 sided.

 

or if someone doesnt feel like being honest immediately they could just avoid the subject altogether and never tell or perhaps eventualy they will.

 

A lot of times ppl lie (or bs) to increase their perceived value. aside from relationships, i have friends that do this also. i dont know how many of you agree but i believe half truths arent lies (its just telling part of the story)..(perhaps reasons to protect the other person from hurt)...this again goes back to no relationship is 100% honesty...perhaps 50-80%

 

but honesty is important to keep a relationship working, always.