alphamale Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I told her it would be easier to trust her if she was more open with me and more straightforward. Basically it's a two way street. dude...you find a woman who's straightfwd and open then let me know. I will fly out to meet her.
Author tanbark813 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 dude...you find a woman who's straightfwd and open then let me know. I will fly out to meet her. Yeah. It's probably just a pipe dream.
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 So how do you feel about it all now? Honestly? All I am saying is, if you really like this girl and want it to work you may have to just let things roll off your back and trust her enough that she isn't going to screw you over. She is who she is, you are who you are - hopefully each of you will accept certain things about eachother. Also, her wanting you to read between the lines is kinda stupid because most men can't do that. I know my husband can't do it, I have to point it out to him most of the time and honestly, I'm not one to hold stuff in or hint. If I got something to say, I say it plain as day. Hopefully she can learn to be abit more open and straight forward and maybe you can try to read between the lines abit more...I don't know. Worth a try if you really do want it to work. Just hope this is what you really want because it seems to me you both have some issues, baggage that keeps affecting things in the now. Just want to see ya happy, so if she is it, great!!
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 dude...you find a woman who's straightfwd and open then let me know. I will fly out to meet her. Hey, sorry I'm married.
Author tanbark813 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 So how do you feel about it all now? Honestly? I feel fine about the phone call. Not nearly as bad as when I started this thread. But her saying she prefers it when guys read between the lines really bothers me. I asked her if there was anything else she hadn't been open about and expected me to read between the lines when I didn't. In other words, if there was anything I didn't know that I should. She said no. The thing is, I can read between the lines for the most part. But when people expect me to and I know they mean something they're not saying then I press them until they flat out say it. I've always been like that. I have this strong desire to force people to say what they really mean when they'd rather skirt around the issue. All I am saying is, if you really like this girl and want it to work you may have to just let things roll off your back and trust her enough that she isn't going to screw you over. She is who she is, you are who you are - hopefully each of you will accept certain things about eachother. Also, her wanting you to read between the lines is kinda stupid because most men can't do that. I know my husband can't do it, I have to point it out to him most of the time and honestly, I'm not one to hold stuff in or hint. If I got something to say, I say it plain as day. Hopefully she can learn to be abit more open and straight forward and maybe you can try to read between the lines abit more...I don't know. Worth a try if you really do want it to work. Just hope this is what you really want because it seems to me you both have some issues, baggage that keeps affecting things in the now. Just want to see ya happy, so if she is it, great!! You make some good points. Honestly, I'm not sure she's the right one for me. But she does seem genuine about wanting to make me happy and not screwing me over. We're both pretty stubborn but she's also a very patient person when we're not fighting. We'll see what happens.
kitten chick Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 She said she was tired of arguing and fighting and that she feels uncomfortable around me. She feels like she can't be herself because I have this need to be perfect and expect that of others too. Please listen to her when she says this. Notice I cut out the needy part. This alone would be enough for me to leave a relationship. I felt this way with my ex and eventhough I kept trying to leave I couldn't do it. I don't have that problem anymore, if anyone ever makes me feel this way again I'm out the door. I'm not saying this to make you feel insecure about your relationship or to hurt your feelings but there is something that you are doing that you need to figure out and stop. I remember she said to you in the past that she felt this was the most emotionally abusive relationship she's ever been in. I'm NOT saying that you are abusive at all but she is feeling this way and she's coming up with valid reasons why she's feeling this way. I'm seeing all of these red flags flying and you're not paying attention to them. I know that was kinda harsh but I'm saying it all to try to help you understand yourself better to make you happier and your relationship better. Oh and cut it with this drugs and alcohol BS.
Author tanbark813 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 Please listen to her when she says this. Notice I cut out the needy part. This alone would be enough for me to leave a relationship. I felt this way with my ex and eventhough I kept trying to leave I couldn't do it. I don't have that problem anymore, if anyone ever makes me feel this way again I'm out the door. I'm not saying this to make you feel insecure about your relationship or to hurt your feelings but there is something that you are doing that you need to figure out and stop. I remember she said to you in the past that she felt this was the most emotionally abusive relationship she's ever been in. I'm NOT saying that you are abusive at all but she is feeling this way and she's coming up with valid reasons why she's feeling this way. I'm seeing all of these red flags flying and you're not paying attention to them. I know that was kinda harsh but I'm saying it all to try to help you understand yourself better to make you happier and your relationship better. I know you're not trying to be harsh. I come on this site to get a variety of feedback. To clarify, she said the most verbally abusive relationship. That's because I have a bad habit of saying the meanest thing I can think of when someone pisses me off. After that big fight, I have since been reading up on anger management and controlling how I react much more. It hasn't been long since that night, but we haven't had another confrontation like that. For some reason I can let things go MUCH easier with friends than I can with gf's. I don't know why. I hold my gf's to higher standards than I would ever hold my friends. I'm sure this has a lot to do with why she feels how she does. Oh and cut it with this drugs and alcohol BS. It's just weed, mang.
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 For some reason I can let things go MUCH easier with friends than I can with gf's. I don't know why. I hold my gf's to higher standards than I would ever hold my friends. I'm sure this has a lot to do with why she feels how she does. Probably too, you allow yourself to feel more, open up more and then ofcourse the emotional side of this comes into play. You're more vunerable with her than with your friends.
Author tanbark813 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 Probably too, you allow yourself to feel more, open up more and then ofcourse the emotional side of this comes into play. You're more vunerable with her than with your friends. Yeah, that's also true. Goddamn emotions.
kitten chick Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Well I'm glad you're working on it and not ignoring it. It takes a real man to admit his faults. I'm proud of ya. But if you ever call me mang again I'll send my cat out to puke on your rugs. oh and WWIU is right, as always.
Author tanbark813 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 That's cool. One of my cats like to lick up other cats' puke.
alphamale Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 You're more vunerable with her than with your friends. No WWIU...the main difference is that his c*ck is in her orifices and not in the orifices of his friends...
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 No WWIU...the main difference is that his c*ck is in her orifices and not in the orifices of his friends... ... ... Thanks KC!
Mary3 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Tan if I could offer my 2 censt : I see her telling you that its highly irritating to have to gain your trust and its likely very *exhausting* for her emotionally... . I had someone like this once and I had to go. Your exact words were : " She hates it that I dont trust her " Shes going to start hating it even more and more until finally she goes... I would continue working on yourself if you are in classes or working on your issues. Before you can have a full satisfying relationship you have to get some help for yourself. I believe your post said : "She knew I had trust issues from the beginning " So she knew and chose to stick around from the beginning. Maybe she is just getting tired of dealing with this. All I know is that it *killed* everything I felt for the man eventually...
Author tanbark813 Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 Yeah, good points Mary3. I did make it clear that it's not personal and I'm like that with everyone but I don't think that made her feel better.
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