curly Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 OK, don't jump to the usual conclusion.... I'm not in contact with xMM. Haven't spoken to him in 3 weeks. And don't intend to break NC. The thing is.... it was a constant rollercoaster of emotions while in the A. Now that it's over, I'm on a new rollercoaster. Every other minute, my emotions change. For a while I can accept what's happened and see that I'll be OK eventually. Then I get calm, almost excited for a new future in which I cn meet a nice, single guy that will treat me the way I know I deserve to be treated. Then the next minute, I'm so overcome with grief and missing the xMM. I start to wonder what I would do if he contacts me. I wonder if he's back with his W (he had moved into a friend's house, last I knew). It's so exhausting. I wish the emotions for him would die. Then I think about how much I love him and don't want to lose that feeling. Anyway, just a bit of venting. Any advice from those going through NC or gotten through it would be welcome. Please don't start bashing. This is not an invitation for BS's to tell me what I am, etc. Yes, I participated in an A with a MM, but I am human. Sometimes the heart makes you do things that you never thought you would do. Oh, I might be thinking about him much more because my b-day is 2 days from today (or 1 since it's past midnight) and I just had minor surgery. Just upset that he's not here for me.
cherrie498 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Curly NC is horrible & while I cant offer you any advice I can tell you that I do understand your feelings. I have been in NC since Jan 1 & it is a constant emotional roller coaster!!! I started a journal when we began NC it started as almost a letter to him it has slowly evolved to a way for me to vent as well as rejoice about me & my life. I have began dating SINGLE men & although they are ultimately a disappointment it is a phase that I have to pass through. I wish you, me & everyone else the best of luck in passing through the MANY phasing of mending a broken heart….
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 You have to treat this like any other breakup. It's over and it takes time to heal and move on. It's OK to miss him and what you had - But the reality you have to keep telling yourself is, you're better off without him. You're hurting now, but you will get through it. Try your best to allow yourself a certain amount of time to grieve about it - Then pick yourself up and GO do something fun! Start a project or do something that you've always wanted to do but never had the time. Pamper yourself weekly! Go to movies, hang out with friends and definately check out good looking men! Even if you're not into them, just seeing what's out there could be fun too. I know you're far from ready to get involved with someone else - But when the timing is right, you WILL find a great man! Another thing, thinking about him and wondering what you'll feel IF you run into him isn't good either. Worry about that when and if it happens. Hang in there and enjoy life!
kechara Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Curly, I just broke up with MM and have done the NC during a previous break-up with him a year and a half ago. But after six weeks, I let him come back into my life as my "friend." Two months later he was living with me and I was once again strapped into the rollercoaster (for a whole nother year and a half!) I think our other friends gave pretty good advice and I'm going to be trying to follow it myself...as well as looking to people like you for inspiration. One other small thought, however. Next time you hit a low and the pain gets really bad, don't try to escape it. This is an exercise I learned in a self-help book, and it helps put pain in perspective. Sit or lie some place comfortable and actually pay attention to the pain. Try and see if you can feel the shape of it. Imagine it. Pay attention to its intensity. If you wait long enough without trying to run away, you will notice, all of a sudden, that the intensity has dimmed somewhat. It will come back (you'll see floods and ebbs in the pain). But when you sense those small ebbs, remind yourself that pain does diminish. It is not always at the same intensity. And if it ebbs this little bit today, it will be a little more tomorrow, and at some point, the floods won't overwhelm you so much because you'll really understand that...it's just Pain. It will end. It won't always be so bad. Hope it helps...Hang in there, Friend.
Author curly Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 Kerchara - Thanks so much for your advice. I have spent some time meditating and have found it to be relaxing, especially when the pain overwhelms. And I've read about techniques like your's, but not in the same way. I like your suggestion and will definitely try it. WWIU - thanks also for your reply. You seem to have a lot of good advice. Funny, we all seem to give such good advice. Taking it for our own use, different story....huh? It's so hard when it's your heart that's involved. Cherrie - Sounds like we're in the same process but I'm a little behind you. Good luck to you. I started journalling also. I haven't kept up with it because I've been home sick. I had some minor surgery but I'm getting better. I do plan to continue to write in the journal. It occured to me that it might be interesting to look back on my emotions during this time. Not to relive the pain, but to see how far I've come. Thanks all for your support. I'm not trying to run away from the pain. This I've learned. I am letting myself feel the pain. And I'm grateful for LS, just to come and vent. I'm going to do this, this time. I'm not letting him back into my life. I refuse to let him make promises that ultimately turn to vapor. I will not believe him anymore. I will find peace in my heart, mind & soul. And I'm confident that I will attract someone good, honest, SINGLE & worthy of my emotions.
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