la_ant Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Hi all, I'm a 25 year old straigh man, and I'd like your input on the following story (I changed the first names). About 2 1/2 years ago, I moved to West Los Angeles to be a grad student. I met a fellow incoming student, Alena. I was smitten and it looked like we hit off. I asked her out and she said she had a boyfriend. I moved on but stayed friend with her, and I was very happy with the situation. I found another girl, Brenda, and it didn't work. While I was with her, Alena became more flirty, but I didn't cheat on Brenda (of course). Things didn't work out with Brenda and Alena almost jumped on me when we broke up. We messed around a little bit. But she suddenly became very distant, saying she needed time. I gave her time, trying to keep in touch with her, but it was going nowhere (sometimes I was being patient, sometime trying to get things moving). I finally gave up. I am now with Crystal, and have been for 1 1/2 years. The thing is, I still think about Alena all the time. I see her on campus once in a while but I just wave hi (I don't want to bother her nor be tempted plus I think she may have a gf). The thing is, I still think about Alena all the time. I still think that she could be the one... What do I do? Do I try to contact her again? Do I give up. I could use some input. By the way, I don't want to pressure her nor cheat on Crystal... Thanks a lot, Me
witabix Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 My advice is to forget her, Alena. How would your current gf feel if she knew about this infatuation. That is all it is I think. IMO you should put your energy into your curren SO, assuming you care for her that is.
Author la_ant Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 Hi Witabix, Thanks for your input. I care about her, care about her feelings, but she's just not the one. I tried to forget A and put my energy in the relationship with C, but I can't. I honestly tried, stopped talking to her, try to focus on C, but I just can't. Me
CaliGuy Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Hi Witabix, Thanks for your input. I care about her, care about her feelings, but she's just not the one. I tried to forget A and put my energy in the relationship with C, but I can't. I honestly tried, stopped talking to her, try to focus on C, but I just can't. Me You will never have a healthy relationship until you truly LET GO of "A." It's been 18 months, she isn't coming back. What good does occupying your mind with thoughts of someone unobtainable do for you? Focus on the one your with now. She deserves all your love and attention. You're looking at the tree in the distance and yet can't see the forest in front of you. How much longer will you lament "A" before you respect yourself to the point of saying "enough is enough!" - ??
demonspawn Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 after being apart from my gf for close to 2 weeks now, i been realizing a lot of faults i had, and well, another girl was one of them. i had kind of the same situation that you had. There was this girl i knew before I got involved with the girl i was just with. She was awesome, we hung out a lot, and we even admitted to liking eachother once, but she had a bf at that time and things were going bad for her. So later, I found a girl, and hooked up with her. I was with my girlfriend, but i was also thinking about "the other girl", since I assumed shed be the one, so i always had her in the back of my mind or as a sort of potential if things would ever go wrong with the current gf i Had. Well..things went wrong, and now "the other girl" is in an abusive relationship which she still plans to stay in, and after meeting up with her after my current breakup, she was sooo different and i lost my attraction to her. This is something i would really wish i can tell my current ex about, since I didnt give my relationship all i could give cuz i still thought about "the other girl" but theres no way in hell of a nice way to break it to her(any advice to break this to her in a good way would help though). My advice to you, give your current gf all the love/attention she needs, and dont look back. gonna repost this as a thread to get some insight...thanks
gfto Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I care about her [Crystal], care about her feelings, but she's just not the one. Then, why are you with her?! As for Alena, I'd completely forget about her. She isn't interested in you at all. Don't be fooled by your little make-out with her after things fizzled with Brenda. She did this, because you were a challenge for her (probably without even realizing it.) You asked her out, she said no, she has a boyfriend, so you backed off and stayed friends. cool. not only that, but you got with Brenda. This probably rubbed Alena's ego the wrong way. She is used to having a guy try a few more times. But, you just calmly accepted her no and found a girlfriend......making you the ultimate challenge for Alana. So, as soon as she found out you and Brenda were kaput, she jumped on you, so that she could reject you again. (Yes, women do this.) But, her interest in you isn't high enough for her to want to be in a meaningful relationship with you. Kind of like....er.....your interest level in poor Crystal.
Author la_ant Posted February 24, 2006 Author Posted February 24, 2006 Thanks for you input. Well, I think the proper thing to do is break-up with Crystal and try to find a Dana. Me
Author la_ant Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 I am moving out from LA to Phoenix... yeah! I haven't talked to Alena in more than 2 years now (except a simple "hi" once in a while - I (we?) often pretend not to see her). My question: Should I send her an email saying goodbye? Or just leave like this? Me
jerbear Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 My question: Should I send her an email saying goodbye? Or just leave like this? IMO, don't send her an email. Do your own thing.
Author la_ant Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 I never sent that email and slowly she faded away... Everything was going fine, and then I googled her name. She moved to Germany, damn it. Well, I am not as bad as I used to be, but I'd be lying if I weren't thinking about just saying hi, just in case. I feel stupid to want to do this, but that's what I want. Input?
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