My_Other_I Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I understand, affairs happen. They always have and always will. Once the affair is over, I ask you, married men who struggle to define who you are and who you love; if the OW asks you to leave her alone, respect her wishes. If she asks you to let go, let go. If you have no intentions of leaving the marriage, then work on the marriage. Stop the madness,stop the lies, stop the excuses. The truth would hurt a lot less then endless waiting, endless ending and endless getting back together...just to start the cycle all over again. Only you have the key to that. Only you can stop the pain your wife, your gf, your family and you suffer from. You've already betrayed your wife once, why do you keep chipping in even more afterwards while promising your W happilly ever after all over again while still pursuing your misstress?! Yes, I am hurting right now. I am angry, sad, and more than anything, I am confused. I wish things were over, but that's far from here right now... This is just my venting. Thanks for reading.
curly Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I know exactly what you mean by this. MM seems to always do this to me. In my case, I believe he does not have the strength to end the A or the M. He is making me be the one to end it. I'm almost sure that in a month or 2 (we've been in NC for 3 weeks), he'll cross my path again. He may not do it directly but he'll make it happen somehow. That's when my survival has to kick in. I'm going to have to be the one to say NO. I don't think he ever could. He's actually admitted this to me as well. Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking the same thing as you. Keep strong. 'Cause the MM won't be. He can't even confront his W about his own marriage. No strength there.
OzGirl Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 MOI - I used to visit these forums quite a bit - found it relieving to know I wasn't alone, but my pain wasn't any less - it was just less confusing. I spent a little time away - I must admit, to work out what I wanted in relation to the MM - a friendship (albeit, from a distance and mainly electronically) and 'settle' for that (because it helped me feel like I had my old best friend back), or give it up all together. Then, I started coming back here to read and see if it would help my heart catch up to my brain. I have read most of your posts, and noticed you and I have similar stories, and are possibly at similar points in our 'process'. You have given me a LOT of courage. I've thought of you as I've read threads and thought, what would YOU say? What would YOU advise? And, I've mostly thought - yep, she's right. And, so am I if I follow that line of thinking, too. You've helped me think practically and thoughtfully about what is best for me - and I only have to visualise any given day in the last 6 months of my life to know I DON'T want to be like that ever again - in tears, ALL the god-damned time, spontaneously, at inappropriate times, for reasons I've KNOWN would make no sense to anyone but maybe people on this forum. You are strong - and it's two steps forward, one step backward. Don't give up woman! I'm pacing myself along side you, and I need you to keep helping me get to the finish line of this exhausting marathon. We OW only have each other. I posted on both this forum and the infidelity one the question - does a wife want to know if their husband is still cheating on them - I have one post between both threads. I guess that answers my question - no, they don't. (BTW - Chump was the poster of that single reply, who, for your info, has ALSO helped me see the pain and how real it is for the W - it's not them who we need to feel anger at - obvious, now, I know... but go back to when this all started for me - I thought the W was enemy number one). I know you started this wondering if you were alone in how you feel. The answer is no - you're not. But, don't underestimate - there are some of us who pick another person who we most identify with, and we guauge ourselves against them and find inspiration in them. I'm just another person who puts text on your screen, but in real life, I'm walking around every day without wondering how I shake this insideous episode out of my system. It's like glandular fever - it's completely debilitating, and you never know if it's going to last for two weeks or two years. When I wake up, I think about it, when I go to bed, I cry about it still sometimes, and all the waking hours in between, I feel a slight nervousness I never felt before this happened. So, be strong, because I'm counting on you. I feel proud to say "we're in this together". I'm possibly on the other side of the planet to most of the posters in these forums, but the pain is universal - and in the last week or so, you've made me feel less alone for reading about your life than any other book, or website, or person I know, has to this point.
RedRose3373 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Hey I am in the process of NC it will be 1 month this weekend. I my ex MM called me & told me that he loves me with all his heart & soul. I told him "obviously not enough & to stop". and he has. I did change my cell, home phones & my email & he has not tried to contact me thank god. We do work in the same building so he could easily email me or call me at work, but he hasn't. I have to be honest with u, it does make it SO much easier not talking to him. I would be going threw hell if he tried to contact me! Thank GOD he's leaving me alone!!!
silktricks Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 We OW only have each other. I posted on both this forum and the infidelity one the question - does a wife want to know if their husband is still cheating on them - I have one post between both threads. I guess that answers my question - no, they don't. I didn't see your post on the other forum - but my answer would be yes, in fact not just yes but HELL YES!! My H has one chance and one chance only. If he should do anything like this again, it is over and I am gone. (BTW - Chump was the poster of that single reply, who, for your info, has ALSO helped me see the pain and how real it is for the W - it's not them who we need to feel anger at - obvious, now, I know... but go back to when this all started for me - I thought the W was enemy number one). I've seen on these forums the depth of anger the ow have for the wives. It has confused me, frankly, as we (the wives) have done nothing to you.
Author My_Other_I Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 OzGirl, thank you so much for your post! You made me feel so much better. I hit my breaking point yesterday. I was going strong (or so I thought) and proud, getting closer - step by step - to my goal...to live a normal life again, to live MY life again. I was happy that there was no waiting around anymore, no lies anymore, no emotions anymore...and then he shows back up in my life, just to prove me wrong. I feel strong and I feel weak at the same time. I'm fighting it! I have to keep reminding myself what it really was, not what I wanted the A to be. Silk, I don't know what to tell you. They are masters of secret lives. If the MM wants to continue the A, he will. I want you to know that I am not angry with the wives, I know the anger is directed at him, but most of all at my self. I only became angry with her when she would not let me be after it was over. I guess now I know why...obviously it wasn't over for him and she knew it. Thank you all for your replies.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 MOI, I enjoy your posts, too. You are a strong, intelligent, and sensible woman. I have to say, amen, to your post to the MM. Keep it up, girl.
Author My_Other_I Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 Thanks KHLF and you all! I've read through some old threads here and my head's back on my shoulders. I used superglue this time, so hopefully it will stay that way Going strong again, cuz he can kiss my a*s. I detached myself from the situation. I hope he has enough guts and respect for his w to either do his best at working the M out, or to let her move on. It's non of my business now. The cleanup has started and I have no place in their lives anymore.
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