lizad Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 ok to I have been posting about walking away from the OM.......well I am having a hard time tonight.......missing the OM.......i know it's only been just about a week that we spoke and I do NOT plan on contacting him...... trying to not focus on all the good things about him and how good he made me feel.........I know you need to just let these feelings will come and I know I need to just understand they are feelings and that they will pass....... My therapist that I used to see, said there has to be a morning period and to just go with it.....
Gabber Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Find things to do with your family. It doesn't help much at first but it will. If you have friends in the same type of situation you are in and they are still "active" the best thing to do is distance yourself until you can deal with your OM not being around. Surround yourself with friends and family.
confused and in love Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I am in the same boat...or so I think. I am having to get a OM that I have had a relationship with for 12 years. He told me so many things in the last 12 years that it is hard to forget. Promises that have been broken. It doesn't make it any easier to get over though. I want to hold on to the promises and the love. I miss him so much all the time. I have a problem of going back to him whenever he calls. We have so much in common and like so much of the same things. I wish I knew how to get over him.
Hurtingtoo Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I too understand your pain. I am currently in the same situation. I have only been out of my other "relationship" for a few wks. It is hard every day that I wake up. I am at a loss and am hurt and angry. I am trying to understand my spouses role in this as well. The irony is I met my OM online and we had mutual friends that I have had to cut ties from. All of this hurts and I know it will subside but sometimes it feels that it is not getting better. Thanks for allowing me to read other going through this as well.
Author lizad Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 hurting too.......i responded to you other post.......do you have any contact at all with the OM???
Author lizad Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 hurting too.......i responded to you other post.......do you have any contact at all with the OM??? and how did you get caught?
confused and in love Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I wanted to add one more thing. It seems like every time I get over OM he comes back into my life. In the last 12 years he has called it off 3 times and when I finally get over him he comes back into my life. So this time it is even harder because of the promises made, I feel that he will come back after he is done with his mid-life crisis. I think I am scared to get over him because of this. He still tells me that he has feelings for me but doesn't want a serious relationship yet. He also tells me how much he enjoys being with me and how much he enjoys what we have together. We have the same likes and wants. Sounds like I'm making excuses. He is just going through a seperation...in which I was going to leave my spouse until the OM started acting up. Our spouses never caught us. We never really had a pact that we wouldn't tell anyone. We just never have. He, I think is a little more nervous about me saying something since he is already seperated. He also doesn't want to be the reason I leave my husband. I told him that he was most of the reason for the last 12 years. I haven't had a good marriage from day one. I don't think I ever really loved my husband when I married him. Like my sign on says..."I'm confused and in love" with someone else. Sorry for the length reply.
Hurtingtoo Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I have ended all contact with my OM, however he contacts other friends that he met via me and they tell me. I have asked that nobody tell me when they here from him. Again my affair has only just ended a month ago and I am still going through my emotions and dealing with my husbands side. My situation only was going on for a short time, but none the less I still have my issues. Going through therapy (both of us) and reading "AFTER THE AFFAIR" which is helping. Time will heal..but damn..sometimes it sucks!
lonely B Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 ok, I'm on the other end of this situation were my OM has left me and I'm feeling extremly empty and can't turn to no one because 1. this was an interacial afair which if any of my family or friends found out they would disown me 2. I'm married. it's only been two days ut it as put me into such a deep depression I can't focus on anything but him.. We work together so evertime I see him or hear his voice I want him that much more. I was at the point of leaving my usband of 13 yrs because I have been so unhappy at home, wich I was before this affair. How do you find that closure?I hurt so bad
alwayslate Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I feel your pain. I am a MM and I am trying like hell to get over the OW. I work with her and see her almost every day. She calls me all the time even on weekends just to say hi. She says she has to move forward and make her marriage work yet she wants to keep in almost constant contact with me. I just wish she would leave me alone to mourn, and then move on......
lonely B Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 How do you deal with the work relationship, I want im so badly right now it hurts....
alwayslate Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 You know its really hard. I see her all the time. She wants to be friends and maintain contact but she doesnt want the emotional or physical part of the relationship. Funny thing happened this morning. I was talking to her online and I told her that I was alone in the house. About 10 seconds later she called my cell phone. When we talked she sounded sad but she doesnt want to tell me whats going on in her life. She just wants to chat about nothing. I am so damn confused
lonely B Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I talked to him this morning he was at work..He said he would call me back 6hrs later I had to call him back I just couldn't take it any longer...I've cried all day and he wants me to get it together because it's not completely over he just needs time to get his head straight he says on one hand but the other he says that he can't have me the way he wants and when he goes home after being with me the 5min in the afternoon he is misurable and distant from his family because he wants me I'm so confused...
Guest Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I think the best thing to do is truly try and move on. You need to stay as busy as possible and move forward in a positive way so that the OM will look at you and say "why is she so happy without me?" Moving forward is the best thing. it is so hard to do but in the end you will be better for it. I still love my OW with all of my heart but I know that I must move forward if nothing more than for my own sanity. She has hurt me and she expects me to treat it like its no big deal. I've got news for her. She cant have her cake and eat it too. She chose her husband instead of me so now she can have him and everything (or nothing) that goes with him. May I suggest that you do the same
Walking away Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I walked away from my MM five days ago. His wive found out that same day...AFTER I walked away. Anyway, he has been e-mailing me telling me that he loves me and thinks about me constantly. But, here's the thing....he decided to stay with his wife. So, I am running away, now. The pain hasn't hit yet. I guess pride is keeping my strong. This man loves me, of this I am certain...But he is unable to leave. I have no choice but to walk away due to the fact that this relationship has been painful for me ever since I fell in love with him and he had his chance to be with me, and didn't take it. Somehow, we all need to square up our shoulders and toughen up. Yes, we are hurt. Yes, it is very, very hard. But, perhaps we need to LET GO. It does us absolutely no good holding on. I feel everyone's pain. I am there too. My thoughts are with all of you.
Guest Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 My OW is driving me crazy and maybe its on purpose. She has called me at least three times today talking about mostly nothing but we talk about nothing for almost an hour. She wants to go to museums with me she wants to spend time with me she just doenst want to sleep with me or tell me how she really feels about me. I just want to turn and run for the hills. She nearly left her spouse three or four different times but in the end she said she couldnt bring herself to destroy his life. So instead she destroyed mine. I wish we never had gotten involved and fallen in love.
lonely B Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 My MM called me back this afternoon to see if I was OK, does he really think that I can turn my feelings on and off like a light switch? He has been the center of my world for 9 months he is the one that has made me smile every day, he is the one that has made me laugh now he tells me he needs seperation from me so I'm not the reason he leaves his wife? I know what he is doing is right but how do I get thru the emotional stress of not having him in my life?
alwayslate Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 Man I think that maybe my OW and your OM are reading from the same book. I just spent an hour on the phone with her. We talked about nothing special just idle chat. We just talked and she seems to really enjoy my company but she doesnt want to engage with me on an emotional level. What she doesnt realize is that we have had a torrid sexual affair for the past year, we almost left our families for each other and destroying others lifes in the process. Now she just wants to forget all of that and talk about cars or art or work gossup or whatever anything but the connection we have and what we have been through together. its almost insulting
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