Darin Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 So, I was in a relationship for 4 years, she broke up with me in january. We have remained in contact almost every day, mostly because I moved 600 miles from my family/friends to live with her 3 years ago and I really don't have any friends here, and she says that she still needs me in her life and that I'm her best friend. On tuesday last week we were both subpeona'd to Savannah to testify to an accident that caused a fatality. I know, convenient eh, on Valentine's day. We went together, flew there, and we were supposed to fly back that evening (live in Atlanta). Well her testimony ran late, and we missed the plane. They offered us a night in Savannah on them (the gov't, thanks all you GA tax payers). They offered us a room in a nice hotel (thinking we were still a couple) and instead of asking for two she said "yeah that'll be good". So we went out to river street, walked around, held hands, ate dinner. Went back to the hotel with one bed and snuggled, I snuck in a kiss that led to a few kisses exchanged followed by a "We shouldn't be doing this" from her. We still snuggled the rest of the night and in the morning before our flight. I come home, she basically doesn't talk to me the next two days. When i call she is distant and retracting. We had made plans for friday, to which she upheld. She came over around 11 o'clock. We almost immediately started holding eachother again. I made lunch, we went for a hike up a mtn nearby (in Atlanta) and sat together on the top. I told her how much I loved being at the top of the world with her, and cherished our time together. She leaned in to kiss me, again, but caught herself. We went shopping after a bit, and then she brought me home. Again, when she got away from me it was very sheltered talk. She didn't seem to want to talk with me at all. Like she was pushing me away. Then yesterday she calls and asks me if I have any regrets from the relationship. I tell her mine, she tells me hers... That's about the end of the conversation (on that topic at least, a lil bit more chit chat and that was it). Then again, she starts to be distant, doesn't reply when I talk to her, doesn't call me. Today we talked, and she said she just pushes me away because whenever I am around I am pushing her to be in the relationship again and she wants to explore new options (she has a couple guys she's flirting with, I know because I know them indirectly). She told me that she doesn't want to be with me, and now says she doesn't regret her decision. As it stands I am moving home at the end of march (back to STL). I am so afraid of moving back before she understands what she wants, as it will severely damper our ability to be together again. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do. She tells me how much she needs me in her life, yet she won't work at fixing our relationship. BTW that was her "regret" -- that she didn't work at fixing things when they started going bad, she just ignored them til it was too much for her to handle. I am so desperately in love with her still. PLease give me advice.
SuperMonk Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 How about ignore her and move on with a new girl? Be a Man.
Tangerina Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I had one of these, once.... what I came to understand was that becausue I let him my ex felt like he could have all of the convenient things about a relationship from me (companionship, physical intimacy, sex) even when he broke up with me so and being broken up made him feel like he didn't have to give more than he wanted in return... I'm not saying it was some devious plot, it is just human nature... I mean, why pay for something that is free? You are showing her that she can have you as a friend and have cuddling and stolen kisses on her terms even as she is seeing other guys, etc... so there really is no reason for her to get back with you... if you ever want to have her back you need to tell her firmly that you can't live with things only being halfway anymore, and that you need to stop talking to her so you can get over her and if she ever feels like she wants a relationship again she can contact you, but not before.... it is a bit of a bluff that might bring her back, but even if she doesn't come back it is the healthy thing for you to do, because once you break the addiction you feel towards her by not being in contact with her you might start to realize that a relationship with her is not what is best for you either... it happened to me... I hope that helps at bit, I know it is hard, but you have to stick up for yourself if you want her to respect you.
ChaseYng2005 Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Tangerina is exaclty right. My ex also believes that my heart is accessible to him as tap water. So he feels he can push me away and bring me back at will. Hopefully I will teach him a valuable lesson in manners soon however.
Tangerina Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Yah, Chase... when I was in that situation my ex had broken up with me 2 times before and I was always still there when he wanted me back... this third time, after a while I realized I was being crazy and moved on and started seeing someone else and then he came back and wanted to get together and I said "no, I am seeing someone else" and he was totally unprepared for that and was so upset because he never thought for a moment that I wasn't his even when he pushed me away.... I am really glad I have more self respect than that now... I am generally a very intellegent and strong woman, but love makes you do stupid things when you are addicted to someone... and now I am with a great guy and I don't act like his property and we are both very happy....
MelissaL Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, she's told you that to your face. But when she's lonely and needs some attention she's happy to have you around... Sorry to break it to you, but you're being used. It'll be hard, but you have to make a clean break. It'll hurt, you'll cry or get drunk or do whatever it is that's your emotional outlet, and you'll do it for days, or weeks, or months. Then, amazingly enough, you'll feel better, you'll be able to take the lessons you learned from that relationship and you'll move on and find someone new, who'll be so totally into you that you can't remember why you ever wanted to be with someone who didn't care about you enough to even want to try to fix your relationship. You deserve better than someone who doesn't want to be with you!
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