A month!!

[Chocolatellama]

I've made it to a month, actually it's been a month and a week of no contact. I don't really think i can say that i've moved forward at all. Maybe a few baby steps forward. I still feel pretty much the same. I emailed him last week telling him the we couldn't be friends. I think i made the right decision. I made sure that he didn't send back. I still find myself looking at pictures, songs and other things that remind me of him, i know it hurts me but i'm not strong enough to stop. I know i will let go.. I know i'm almost there. Anyway, i just thought i'd share it with everyone

[fooled]

Chocolate,

 

If you emailed last week, then that is contact. I even consider looking at pictures, letters, etc contact.

 

You need to get rid of all that stuff. That's the very first step. You must move your mind forward first before your heart can follow.

 

I know it is hard. It was so hard for me, regardless of how horribly she treated me. It is only now - 6 1/2 weeks later (and some broken NC and the call from her the other night) - that my heart is catching up to my head. Finally I can see her for who she really is - a person who will say anything to get what she wants. I still miss her eccentricities. Occasionaly I begin to get jealous. But I don't obsess like I used to. I can shield myself now.

 

And you will be able to as well. Getting rid of that stuff is crucial!

[UT_longhorn]

listen to fooled. you have to put all the pictures an momentos away. all that stuff is now like kryptonite to you. looking at those things will only make you weaker.

[Chocolatellama]

Yeah, i decided to delete all the photos from my computer, throw out all the real ones in my cupboard and delete his phone number and everything. When i emailed him it was only to tell him that we couldn't be friends, In the email i asked him never to reply or contact me again. I thought that was the right thing to do. Oh well.. i think i'm feeling better.

[ashley83]

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!!! week 6 for me. The cravings to call him are gone. I'm happy about that.

[fooled]

Way to go, Chocolate! And congratulations, Ashley! I am so thankful that I passed through that crazy, almost feverish phase where I wanted to call every second. Now, I'm actually grateful when a day passes that I don't have contact with her!

[UT_longhorn]

week 7 for me guys and gals. i look back and can't even remember how i got over week 1 and 2. what a truly horrific nightmare those days were.

 

keep up the strength folks.

[Chocolatellama]

I know what you mean, i can't believe i've made it so far, even though i've made only a little bit of progress, i'm don't feel as bad as i did in those first 2 weeks. As time goes on i know i will eventually be over this.

[LawGirl]

42 days

 

and as a whole, I think I am doing better.

 

Yesterday, he didn't even cross my mind until nearly 10:00 am

 

Last night, I woke up twice thinking about him and he has been on my mind pretty much for most of the day.

 

One step forward, two backward....

[riobikini]

RE:

 

Fooled: "If you emailed last week, then that is contact."

 

Email contact is, indeed, breaking 'No Contact'.

 

This is a common failure in keeping the NC status clean.

 

It is very difficult to do.

 

I fail, -lots of people fail with it.

 

We send them, we read them, we save them to agonize and even cry over later.

 

We excuse ourselves from that itty-bitty shred of contact, telling ourselves that just this one will not matter.

 

But it does.

 

It screams that we have not fully let go.

 

It exposes our state of emotions to the ex, making us openly vulnerable to him/her, -even if it's a 'benign' email containing nearly nothing, even if it's to say, -once and for all- 'it's over', -even if it's to just say 'Hi, hope are things OK with you.'

 

It's all still significant, -to them, and to us.

 

Just that bit of contact leaves a crack in the door, so to speak, a way for the romantic human heart to act within it's character, trying to keep love alive.

 

It is a very heartbreaking thing to do.

 

We are curious about any possible remaining feelings on the part of the ex, and are dying to know if there is anyone else he or she might becoming involved with -and if so, whether or not he's/she's happier with the new person than they were with us.

 

We ache so badly, if we learn they seem to have made more progress than we have, -and are moving on without signs of regret or remorse.

 

We hurt ourselves.

 

The fishing expeditions are somewhat about jealousy in that we embark on a mission to find any possible remnants of caring, or evidence of that new 'someone' who might be taking our place.

 

It's about losing possession of something we thought was ours, something , -someone, actually- whom we valued, -that we loved, and may still do.

 

We cannot stop feeling that way until we stop valuing the 'possession'.

 

And we cannot stop valuing the possession until we learn a new value system.

 

And learning a new value system requires that we concentrate our focus on developing and improving our own character, behavior, and integrity, and learn to love ourselves, -better, more, or even for the first time.

 

When we begin doing that, everything about us begins to change, morphing into a new being.

 

Then, -when we look back on our past relationships, our lifestyles, our behaviors, and our whole way of thinking about ourselves and others from our past, -we realize we were living far too small for what we were truly capable of, and accepting far too less than what we deserved.

 

And we can actually thank God for the opportunity to have been humbled enough by the hurtful experience(s) which spurred those wonderful, and positive changes which grew us into more amazing human beings capable of experiencing more life, more love, more everything.

 

(Smile)

 

Take Care.

 

-Rio