lsimm14 Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I'm trying to get a girl to go out with me but she says that she doesn't wan't to break our friendship i have known her for almost 3 years now and been friends for 2 but i want to know a way to get her to change her mind. Does anyone know what i can do.
noclobber Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 If she has told you that she sees you only as a friend then take that as the final answer and move on. Sorry to be so blunt but that's the truth. Why did you have to wait for 3 years to ask her out? Now you really don't have a choice but to walk away from her. Start dating other women, that's the best thing you can do now.
brightskies Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 You can't change her mind, unfortunately. And to be honest, you really shouldn't want to. Don't you want someone to love you without you having to push and convince them? It's one thing to woo a woman who's still on the fence or has definite romantic interest in you, but it's another thing entirely when you're trying to force someone who's already admitted she just wants to be friends. I've had friends do this, and it just made things awkward and I'd end up having to pull away. It would be better for you to distance yourself emotionally and meet new women. Stay friends if you wish, but if it becomes too difficult for you, you might want to take some time off from contacting her or taking her calls. If she's a genuine friend she'll understand. It's possible that your friend is enjoying your attention, but you really need to focus on what makes you happy in a way that doesn't involve her.
noclobber Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 You can't change her mind, unfortunately. And to be honest, you really shouldn't want to. Don't you want someone to love you without you having to push and convince them? It's one thing to woo a woman who's still on the fence or has definite romantic interest in you, but it's another thing entirely when you're trying to force someone who's already admitted she just wants to be friends. I've had friends do this, and it just made things awkward and I'd end up having to pull away. It would be better for you to distance yourself emotionally and meet new women. Stay friends if you wish, but if it becomes too difficult for you, you might want to take some time off from contacting her or taking her calls. If she's a genuine friend she'll understand. It's possible that your friend is enjoying your attention, but you really need to focus on what makes you happy in a way that doesn't involve her. well said brightskies! I've had friends do this, and it just made things awkward and I'd end up having to pull away. so you mean that after one of your friends professed his feelings for you you had to back away? for me just the opposite happened. after i told about my feelings for one of my female friends she said she didn't have any feelings for me. But she pulled me in harder than before and so badly wants to remain friends with me. I find this puzzling. Not really sure why she is doing this. I initially thought she is getting her attention fill but i do not compliment her, spend for her, she never ever talks about other guys, doesn't talk about any of her problems.... we just have fun whenever we meet. any thoughts about what's going on and what i can possibly do?
brightskies Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Hi NC, Yup, I backed away. I didn't like how he got pushy and insistent and I couldn't relax around him anymore. Your "friend" is likely ego-tripping. Only a complete cretin wouldn't realize that to some degree her denying you the option of being more than just friendly would hurt you. If she really wants to stay friends with you, she'll respect your space when you need it. The fact that she tried harder than before to reel you in when you needed time off would indicate that she wants to see if she still has a hold on you. Don't let her play with you like that. You don't have to necessarily compliment her or spend money on dates for her to realize that you're still into her. She can probably "sense" it anyway, from the way you interact with her. Just spending a lot of your free time with her or long phone conversations/emails is obvious enough. Try meeting other women and keep yourself busy so you don't focus on this friend so much. And the hardest but most necessary part? Let it go. Stop forcing the issue. well said brightskies! so you mean that after one of your friends professed his feelings for you you had to back away? for me just the opposite happened. after i told about my feelings for one of my female friends she said she didn't have any feelings for me. But she pulled me in harder than before and so badly wants to remain friends with me. I find this puzzling. Not really sure why she is doing this. I initially thought she is getting her attention fill but i do not compliment her, spend for her, she never ever talks about other guys, doesn't talk about any of her problems.... we just have fun whenever we meet. any thoughts about what's going on and what i can possibly do?
noclobber Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 thanks brightskies! my friend is actually a nice woman and i enjoy her company. she said she can't date me and i accepted it and backed off a bit. but she was so worried that i was going away from her and can't be her friend any more. at one point she said "i feel betrayed b'cos as soon as you learnt that i won't be intimate with you you are breaking the friendship". we had some fights during which my feelings for her got erased to a great extent. now we r continuing as friends. the surprising thing is she will have lunch only with me almost every day. if i say i can't meet then she will go with someone else. i never compliment her or pay for her, never been a shoulder to cry on, and she never talks about other men. she puts in a lot of effort to maintain the friendship with me. this is what i find very puzzling. b'cos i always thought that women after giving the rejection will back off from the guy themselves.
brightskies Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Hi NC, Glad to hear that you've gotten over the rough spots. You're a brave man for maintaining the friendship. It was smart of you to step back when you did. I suspect that if you had kept insisting on asking her out she would eventually be annoyed. As long as she treats you well (like any other friend) and isn't messing with your head, go hang out. Just don't hold back on the expectation that she'll change her mind. Hold back to maintain your own sanity. Nothing sucks like unrequited love.
noclobber Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Yeah I didn't bring up the topic after that. We did have a discussion after the day she rejected me but that was it. She said that she can only marry a Jew or atleast a Christian (She is Jewish. I am from India and I am a Hindu). So religion came in the way She loves to hang out with me! But sometimes it kinda freaks me out when she goes overboard (even after rejecting me). Like when I said I may have to go back to my country she said "you are breaking my heart". I have never had a friend say that one before. She is very persistent in meeting me for lunch or coffee. When I said that my next job might be in a different location in the city she said "we still have to meet for lunch". I said what if its really afar, she replied "then we will take the train and meet for lunch". So these are the things I find a bit odd. Also she is very insecure that she may lose me as a friend... she won't talk about guys and other men at all 'cos she is afraid that I may walk away from the friendship. When i met her for the first time she had a LDR boyfriend but she never told me about him. I accidentally came to know that after nearly 2 months of hanging out with her. The only time she directly mentioned about that guy was when she said that she broke up with him. I told my feelings 2 weeks after that and got rejected. Kind of puzzling huh?
jerbear Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I'm trying to get a girl to go out with me but she says that she doesn't wan't to break our friendship i have known her for almost 3 years now and been friends for 2 but i want to know a way to get her to change her mind. Does anyone know what i can do. Not much, you are in the friend zone. There are quite a few posts on LS that mention the friend zone. There is not much you can do to change her mind; if you push and persist she'll be annoyed. If you can maintain a friendship then go for it but if any of you two cross the line then be careful. Don't hold any expectations or hopes that she'll change. You would be wasting your time waiting. Instead be friends and pursue another relationship. Only she can change her mind about more than friendship.
Recommended Posts