jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 It's been one month today since he dumped me (on the phone). This evening I parked my car and walked toward my apartment. I saw him sitting there in his car...he must have just got home. I didn't make eye contact with him. Instead I kept walking. And out of the corner of my eye I could see his eyes following me as I walked around the corner. And he just sat there in his car with the light on. He didn't get out. I came home and cried. I wish I didn't have to run into him. See him in the flesh like that. So close, and yet, so far.
johan Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Damn. THAT had to be painful, I'm sure. I don't go anywhere my ex might be anymore. I've switched grocery stores and I stay away from my favorite trail most of the time. Because I know how shocking it can be to just see them when you aren't expecting it. Not that it's any better when you expect it. Hang in there, Jen. Maybe go in the back way from now on.
riobikini Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 But, Jen, -you were walking. Not crawling, not running to him. Walking. Proud of you. (Smile) Hugs for all the hurt. -Rio
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 Thank you both. I feel a bit stronger than a month ago, but the pain is still there and quite sharp at times. I wish there was a sure way to avoid seeing him, but the way the street parking is here I'm likely to run into him again. And last night I had another stupid dream -- he rang my door bell and when I came to the door he threw his arms around me, lifted me up and held me tight and I was sobbing. And when I woke up my face and pillow were drenched in tears. I hate not being able to control my dreams.
riobikini Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Jen, There are times when those dreams will be so vivid that you can be emotionally and physically shaken by them when you awake. It's just your subconscious continuing to hang onto the last shreds of hope, spurred by your, still present, feelings of love for him. The more you deal with the situation in your day-to-day waking hours, the less those dreams will occur. When we love someone, it's never with just our conscious self, -it's also with our subconscious, which, I personally believe, (hoping not to weird you out, of course), is connected to our souls. You have had an especially rough time with the hurt of your break-up, and under the circumstances, anyone would. It is apparent, that when you love, you love very deeply. It may take you longer to recover from the immediate trauma of your break-up, -and while you may always feel a certain pang of somewhat bitter regret over it- you will live past it, take your lessons from it, and learn how to appropriate them so that you can not only live, -but live happily again, and with quality. You will. (Smile) -Rio
fooled Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Jen! Thank you for not stopping and trying to talk to him. I am so proud that you kept walking - and walking AWAY from him. I know how much it hurt. The sense of dread that you will see him again can be paralyzing. Please know that you are better off without him. He's unable to love. He's selfish. He's an a$$. You don't need him in your life, your mind, your heart or your soul.
greenshift Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 It'll get better, and it'll get easier. Hang in there.
kitten chick Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Oh Jen, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. Don't let this deter you from getting your life back on track. You have made sooo much progress in the past month, you're going to have setbacks but don't let it stop you from regaining your life. (((big hugs)))
MatchstickFear Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 i'm new here, so i dont really know anything about your situation. but is it still okay for me to say that i'm proud of you? that takes a LOT of guts to walk -------AWAY--------- i know that it's evily painful, and i'm so sorry :-( but congrats on your guts and stuff.
mablung Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I think you were very strong, and I'm impressed - I don't know if I would have found your strength. It takes a _lot_ of guts. As much as a cliche this may sound, I think that while the next time a situation like this comes up, while still difficult, it won't be as difficult as this time. Because by then you'll have already done that once, got through it, and you _know_ you can do it again.
TeaCooler Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 i'm new here, so i dont really know anything about your situation. but is it still okay for me to say that i'm proud of you? that takes a LOT of guts to walk -------AWAY--------- i know that it's evily painful, and i'm so sorry :-( but congrats on your guts and stuff. i agree. dealing with a brickful of emotions by doing the smart thing is a sure sign that you get stronger everyday. good for you for resisting even the tiniest urge to do things differently. the sad thing is how awkward things always have to be after a break-up. here's to hoping you continue to do well.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 WOW!!! Thank you all for the affirmation. I really do appreciate it! I'm still in that love/hate blend of emotions when it comes to how I feel about him. Part of me still loves the person I thought he was. And the other part is SO friggin' angry at him for the way he jerked me around -- the way he abused my trust by dumping me after I gave him a second chance when he begged for one. I guess the good thing is that my feelings of being pissed at him for that are overtaking the longing for him....slowly bit by bit. Baby steps. P.S MatchstickFear & Mablung, welcome to the LS boards!
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