Mariella43 Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I kinda posted some of my story on here with some other folks who recently had contact from an ex but never got much feedback. So here's my own thread. It a nutshell - I'm 43, ex is 47. We were together 2+ years then I left him because he was narcisstic and selfish and he wanted me to rush into marrying him (there are alot more issues as to why I'm in no rush to get married, etc.) It shocked him that I dumped him but he kept putting me down and treating me like dirt because I wouldn't commit. I left. 4 months later he came back begging to reconcile, was apologetic for rushing the relationship into marriage, etc. Wanted to be together no matter what, etc. Things were great for 8 months until he proposed marriage again in front of our two teenage sons and put me on the spot. I had thought I made it clear I didn't want to get married and he agreed we'd just date until our sons got out of high school...... He suddenly dumped me because I got angry about committment. I told him he had every right to go on and find someone who wanted to get married quickly and be his wife - it just wasn't going to be me although I loved him and wanted to date him - marriage was just too much pressure for me and my son. So........he left and I never heard. We emailed at Christmas but it was brief and impersonal. Just a Merry Xmas and take care chat. THEN.....last Saturday night he calls me around 9:30 PM. Calls several times but I don't answer. He doesn't leave a message. He then calls my cell phone - doesn't leave a message. 40 minutes later he drives by my house. I had a feeling he was going to pop up at my house so me and my son turned out all the lights like we weren't home. He parked his truck and sat for a few minutes -never came to the door - then drove off. I don't like surprises like that - at all. I think it's a lack of respect that he'd just show up. He did this before when I originally broke up with him. I never expected him to come back - but he's done so now twice. This was Saturday night - since then I haven't heard a peep out of him. I guess he was thinking I was a late night booty call? He knows me better than that. When he dumped me he was real sh*tty about it and wouldn't take my phone calls or anything - he just ignored me and I never heard a word. I was hurt by him a great deal. He was the type who'd treat me like a queen but then if I wouldn't do what he wanted he'd become ruthless and mean. A control freak - narcissist type. I thought by now he'd find someone else. It pisses me off he thinks he can pop back into my life like that. But it's weird - he hasn't called or tried to make further contact. I'm sure he knows I saw his phone number on my cell phone and home phone (Caller ID). Maybe he thinks I'll call him. What would you guys do in this situation? Just ignore him completely? Maybe he had a few drinks and was lonely - I dunno. He's 47 - but acts like a immature jerk. I figure silence is the loudest response?
In Sync Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I've experienced having a relationship with a verbally abusive Narcissist...so my question to you is...as it is a long road to heal from such a relationship..why on earth would you even nurture the notion to call this man back... It shocked him that I dumped him but he kept putting me down and treating me like dirt because I wouldn't commit. That is the only sentence that you need to run through your mind if the thought of contacting him crosses it.
bendit Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 You know, there is something in YOU that matches up perfectly to something in HIM...and when combined, it's TOXIC. And it will always always be that way when there are "sparks" between you (contact). You could be 88 years old and he could be in his 90s and using a walker and there would be dysfunction when the two of you come in contact. Its quite similar to most addicts and their drug of choice. He is your drug of choice and you are his. It would be so easy for you guys to start it up again, so bloody easy. He is a MAGNET and you are METAL. It is scientifically impossible for the two of you, UNTREATED dependents, to have a Functional relationship with each other. So my advice is to keep as far away from the MAGNET as you possibly can. kind regards
Author Mariella43 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 I have no notion to call him back - I don't want him showing up again unannounced. I don't like the fact he thinks he can just come over anytime he wants. This pisses me off and still shows such a huge lack of respect he has for me. It's so hard to even handle - I was doing fine and over him then he does this? Peering thru my mini blinds watching his truck drive slowly back and forth - I felt nothing but pity for him and only wanted him to go away. I have no desire to call him - I've got the power and the closure now - he tried to hurt me and he did. Now I see he's having second thoughts again and obviously dateless on a Saturday night. What satisfaction!!!! heh, heh, heh...... Somehow they always come back - especially when you least expect it. I'll make it burn that much worse if he ever does call and I answer. He reamed me and threatened me that if I ever cheated on him he'd dump me like a hot potato. I'm not a cheater. So, I will simply tell him I'm dating someone else and in a monogamous relationship and to stop calling or coming by because I am loyal to my new boyfriend and I am not going to cheat on him! That would maybe drive home the fact I was a loyal girlfriend but he screwed up and let a good thing get away. I dunno - I'm just still so angry at him and hate he feels he can pop up whenever he's lonely, horny, or whatever....... I'm no one's late night booty call.
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 No, don't respond. What the hell does he need an explanation for? You're not in a relationship. If you interact with him he'll try to manipulate you again. Not saying you're vulnerable, but why do you need to deal with that all over again? You only need to say goodbye once. More than that and it loses effect.
Author Mariella43 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 Yep - all of you are right - I will not respond at all. He rattled me a bit but I've gained my composure and am standing strong. I'm following the motto that another fellow LS member posted......."Silence is the most devistating response". The power is back in my court and I'm not letting go this time. I'm not caving in again. He hurt me way too much last time and punished me for the last 8 months. I'm not going back to his abuse. I'm good now - just had the wind knocked out of my sails but I've regained my strength and I'm back in the right direction. It was like I've been cruising along on the highway - everyone driving smoothly and in the same direction then suddenly here comes this jerk driving the wrong way heading right towards me and I freak and veer off the road and lose control! I'm back on the freeway going the right direction - I'm ok now! Thanks everyone for such great support - keep it coming!!!!!
Recommended Posts