Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I was reading those "how to become a player" sites that cygny had mentioned. I'm starting to wonder whether my ex is a player or just an a**h***. Will a player stay all night or go on a mini vacation with you? Will a player get jealous? Wouldn't a player be more "charming?" What are your opinions and thoughts on the difference between a player and an a**h***?
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 In my view.. there is no difference A player is an a**h*** Male or Female
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 In my view.. there is no difference A player is an a**h*** Male or Female Well, yeah . . . can't argue with that AC.
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I think the real difference is that the player has game.. The a**h*** doesn't and comes off as a jerk
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 I think the real difference is that the player has game.. The a**h*** doesn't and comes off as a jerk Having game . . . Does that mean the player is more skilled at what he does?
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Having game . . . Does that mean the player is more skilled at what he does? Yes.. he may have been born with the skill or it may have been honed from trial and error..
climbergirl Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I was reading those "how to become a player" sites that cygny had mentioned. I'm starting to wonder whether my ex is a player or just an a**h***. Will a player stay all night or go on a mini vacation with you? Will a player get jealous? Wouldn't a player be more "charming?" What are your opinions and thoughts on the difference between a player and an a**h***? Player = no, not jealous because he realizes he has no place in your life to re-act that way. And, yes, very charming Player= Always a gentleman, usually in an unbelievable way!! Treats you like a lady.........ALWAYS!! (well except for the strip club, but that was my idea ) Player= Pays your way........goes with being a gentleman. Doesn't really expect sex in return...........just feels uncomfortable not being "THE MAN". Player= Always has a woman in every port (true player is usually well travelled), however, unlike the a**h***, will admit to this if asked. Player= Actually the antithesis of his given name as he doesn't make any promises he can't keep, doesn't pretend your relationship is something it's not, and probably too busy from work to 'play' anyone--unspokenly you know where you and he are at. Nice to relax with no expectations! I have very fond memories of me and my 'player'.
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Player = a**h*** and very smart. He knows what he's doing and has a game plan. a**h*** = selfish and stupid.
amerikajin Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 It depends on what kind of player you're talking about. Some players I know are actually quite honest about playing the field, about not wanting a commitment, and women still come to them anyway knowing that they want nothing more than a casual relationship. So in that sense, a player's not an a**h***. Then there are players who lie; who tell one woman they're not in a relationship just as they're starting to date, while telling their girlfriend that she's the one and only. That guy's an a**h***. He may be a friendly a**h***, but an a**h*** nonetheless. Then there are those embittered souls who just take their frustration out on women because they don't know what they want, or simply can't get what they want. They're a**h***s, too.
climbergirl Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 It depends on what kind of player you're talking about. Some players I know are actually quite honest about playing the field, about not wanting a commitment, and women still come to them anyway knowing that they want nothing more than a casual relationship. So in that sense, a player's not an a**h***. =players Then there are players who lie; who tell one woman they're not in a relationship just as they're starting to date, while telling their girlfriend that she's the one and only. That guy's an a**h***. He may be a friendly a**h***, but an a**h*** nonetheless. =a**h***s Then there are those embittered souls who just take their frustration out on women because they don't know what they want, or simply can't get what they want. They're a**h***s, too. =a**h***s Not trying to glorify players, but they certainly have a place if YOU are in the same place. IMO-true players don't feel the need to be dishonest. However, if it's a commitment you are looking for............steer clear of both.
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 How about the guy that in the beginning wants you to meet his family, talks about having children with you, talks about moving in with you, marrying you . . . and then once you're hooked, "I don't want to lose you, but I don't want a commitment, either." I'm thinking . . . a**h*** . . . am I right? I mean, if he would have been honest to the woman up front, she may not have gotten attached, or she could have walked away. And if he had told her the truth up front and she still got attached because she was hoping to change him, then that would be a different story. I've actually read some things on "Players" that are honest and up front with the women they're seeing. I wouldn't consider them to be a**h***s, but the liar that hurts someone, I'd call that an a**h***.
amerikajin Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Without a doubt, Raven, he's an a**h*** - or he's at least acting like one. He's what I might call a friendly or nice a**h*** (oxymoron, I know). That's the kind of guy who just doesn't know what the f*** he wants, and you should drop his ass pronto. He's too into himself and too wrapped up in his own issues to be stable enough for a real relationship.
amerikajin Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 An honest happy-go-lucky playboy is actually what many a woman finds extremely attractive. He's charming, and he's challenging. I think women see potential in a guy like that, and while they know he's risky as hell, they find him fun to be around, and they appreciate his honesty. And sorry to be cliche, but he's like a wild mustang - a challenge. And challenge only makes him more attractive. Note there's a difference between that guy and the guy who's playing games to make himself look like he's having fun, or to make himself look like he's being a challenge.
hyakku Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 How about the guy that in the beginning wants you to meet his family, talks about having children with you, talks about moving in with you, marrying you . . . and then once you're hooked, "I don't want to lose you, but I don't want a commitment, either." I'm thinking . . . a**h*** . . . am I right? I mean, if he would have been honest to the woman up front, she may not have gotten attached, or she could have walked away. And if he had told her the truth up front and she still got attached because she was hoping to change him, then that would be a different story. I've actually read some things on "Players" that are honest and up front with the women they're seeing. I wouldn't consider them to be a**h***s, but the liar that hurts someone, I'd call that an a**h***. How is that guy an a**h***? He hasn't lied or done anything, he was being 100% honest, maybe he doesn't want a COMMITMENT now. There could be a plethora of reasons, or maybe he doesn't want a commitment, you guys can still date each other can't you?? I don't see the problem here, if YOU want a commitment and HE doesn't then move on, but he was honest and told you, so what exactly makes him an a**h***? Because he doesn't want exactly what you want? If you feel he lead you on, how do you know something hasn't come up? Maybe he's just not READY for a definite commitment, what is wrong with this?
Pyro Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 The players that I have come across have to BS their way around just to get any recognition. They can't get girls by being themselves, so they have to make up stories to impress. Screwing with someone's emotions sounds like a genuine as*hole to me.
hyakku Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 You all have met some...strange players, I think you all are meeting a**h***s not players. Players are just guys who get what's going on, know how to communicate with women, are indifferent because they realize theres billions of women out there in the world, they are there to have fun, and true players have no need to lie, because if a woman doesn't like what they are doing, they will leave her plain and simple. If you cannot leave a woman because you feel you're too attached or she's the only one for you, you're stuck in a scarcity mentality, which is a HORRIBLE mentality, it limits you're entire life, its alot easier to say, "Hey who cares if this woman doesn't work out theres another 3 Billion out there, I'm just going to have fun." Oh and another to Raven, maybe he got frightened at the prospect of having a relationship. I know I have been more than once and just backed down or friend zoned the woman.
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 If you cannot leave a woman because you feel you're too attached or she's the only one for you, you're stuck in a scarcity mentality, which is a HORRIBLE mentality, it limits you're entire life, its alot easier to say, "Hey who cares if this woman doesn't work out theres another 3 Billion out there, I'm just going to have fun." Oh and another to Raven, maybe he got frightened at the prospect of having a relationship. I know I have been more than once and just backed down or friend zoned the woman. It was an a**h*** thing to present himself one way, initially, and then change his mind much later after a relationship foundation had been laid down already. And I understand your point, but IMO it's pretty damn sad to be a single 50-something year old man who acts like he can still get any tang he wants when the reality is that he is sad, lonely, and desperate. And the pool does sorta get more and more limited the older you get. I'm just sayin.
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 How is that guy an a**h***? He hasn't lied or done anything, he was being 100% honest, maybe he doesn't want a COMMITMENT now. There could be a plethora of reasons, or maybe he doesn't want a commitment, you guys can still date each other can't you?? I don't see the problem here, if YOU want a commitment and HE doesn't then move on, but he was honest and told you, so what exactly makes him an a**h***? Because he doesn't want exactly what you want? If you feel he lead you on, how do you know something hasn't come up? Maybe he's just not READY for a definite commitment, what is wrong with this? No, he wasn't honest. He lied. He leads women on, waits for them to get hooked, and then does a complete 180. You bet your a$$ he's an a**h***. He's also admitted himself that he wants something bad until he gets it and then he doesn't want it anymore. "Oh, but not with YOU, baby." blah, blah, blah . . . Nothing "came up." He just wants his cake and eat it, too. Every time she thought about leaving him, then he wanted a commitment again. Then, when he was feeling sure of himself, he'd not want a commitment. Emotional rollercoaster. Be honest with a woman up front. Give her the chance to accept things or walk away from them.
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 Screwing with someone's emotions sounds like a genuine as*hole to me. Amen, Riddler!
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 Oh and another to Raven, maybe he got frightened at the prospect of having a relationship. I know I have been more than once and just backed down or friend zoned the woman. Thanks, hyakku. That has crossed my mind a few times, as well. Maybe that's the reason for the "back and forth" thing.
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 It was an a**h*** thing to present himself one way, initially, and then change his mind much later after a relationship foundation had been laid down already. And I understand your point, but IMO it's pretty damn sad to be a single 50-something year old man who acts like he can still get any tang he wants when the reality is that he is sad, lonely, and desperate. And the pool does sorta get more and more limited the older you get. I'm just sayin. I agree wholeheartedly, blind_otter. And I was thinking the same thing. The guys that are always "looking for something better" may find themselves lonely old men one day.
Author Raven1845 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 An honest happy-go-lucky playboy is actually what many a woman finds extremely attractive. He's charming, and he's challenging. I think women see potential in a guy like that, and while they know he's risky as hell, they find him fun to be around, and they appreciate his honesty. And sorry to be cliche, but he's like a wild mustang - a challenge. And challenge only makes him more attractive. Note there's a difference between that guy and the guy who's playing games to make himself look like he's having fun, or to make himself look like he's being a challenge. Both of your posts are great. (I always enjoy reading your posts). Definitely a difference between the happy-go-lucky playboy and the guy who's playing games and doesn't know what he wants. The last guy would be more of a "player wannabe," I think. From some of the things I've read on the "how to be a player" websites, the a**h*** has a lot to learn. It's the "a**h*** player" that bothers me. Not the "honest player." (that kind of sounds like an oxymoron, too, however, I'm learning that there are those guys out there that will actually not lie and will be up front with a woman).
hyakku Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 No, he wasn't honest. He lied. He leads women on, waits for them to get hooked, and then does a complete 180. You bet your a$$ he's an a**h***. He's also admitted himself that he wants something bad until he gets it and then he doesn't want it anymore. "Oh, but not with YOU, baby." blah, blah, blah . . . Nothing "came up." He just wants his cake and eat it, too. Every time she thought about leaving him, then he wanted a commitment again. Then, when he was feeling sure of himself, he'd not want a commitment. Emotional rollercoaster. Be honest with a woman up front. Give her the chance to accept things or walk away from them. I agree with you 100% honesty up front is the best thing, but I mean like I said maybe he did get frightened. I'll be the first to tell you, I may have inadvertantly played with women's emotions before and lead them on, not because I wanted to, but because I was (and sometimes AM) generally afraid of commitment. I have to take your word, if he lied, then drop him raven, there alot better guys out there (like me ) On a totally different note, I never got that saying though, about the cake, I mean why wouldn't I eat my own cake if it was in front of me?
Author Raven1845 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 I agree with you 100% honesty up front is the best thing, but I mean like I said maybe he did get frightened. I'll be the first to tell you, I may have inadvertantly played with women's emotions before and lead them on, not because I wanted to, but because I was (and sometimes AM) generally afraid of commitment. I have to take your word, if he lied, then drop him raven, there alot better guys out there (like me ) On a totally different note, I never got that saying though, about the cake, I mean why wouldn't I eat my own cake if it was in front of me? Hey hyakku To "have your cake and eat it, too" means . . . well . . . let me explain it this way, A guy in a committed relationship who also wants to have sex with other women on the side, (though doesn't tell his girlfriend this, because he doens't want her to leave him), is "having his cake and eating it, too." Yes, wouldn't we all like to "have our cake and eat it, too." But it just isn't right. Not if all parties aren't in agreement.
greenshift Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 On a totally different note, I never got that saying though, about the cake, I mean why wouldn't I eat my own cake if it was in front of me? It's not intuitive. The idea is that you have cake, then you eat it. What do you have left? Crumbs. So, to have "have your cake and it it, too" is to consume the cake, and still have it available at your disposal. Much like screwing around on a partner. Also, I don't believe polygamy or swinging works; if you really, really love someone, sex is more than just a fun way to get some sweaty exercise; it's about making someone else feel good, and that makes *you* feel good, and not just physically. I don't believe you can have that experience with someone you don't love. People talk about having a relationship "strong enough" to handle that but, when I'm really emotionally involved in someone, I don't want to be with anyone else, and the idea of them doing so hurts me. Just my 137 yen.
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