Guest Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Hi there, I've been in a relationship with a MM, (who has 2 young children) for 6 months now (3 of which I was overseas for..however we were in contact everyday). He told me that he wanted a future with me, and was going to see a lawyer, about a month or so into the relationship. However now, a few more months down the track, I seem to be getting nothing but excuses...'these things take time', 'i don't think I can leave my kids' 'i want to get my wife to agree to sell the house first, then I'll leave'...'I'm scared of all the heartache'..and he still hasn't seen the lawyer!! I don't wanna put my life on hold for much longer! I know I'm probably just kidding myself in thinking that he is actually going to leave now,...but I was just wondering what others thought about giving him a deadline, and what should it be? And, what deadlines have you given your MM to leave their wifes?
Sami_D Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I've known MM for almost 2 years. We met online, and the first year it stayed online. I wasn't ever happy about being the OW, and we talked about him leaving from more or less day 1. However, he hasn't been ready for that until very recently. Some people here will remember my post last October about him saying he thought he was ready to leave then. We talked it through... he seemed ready... but when it came to it, he wasn't. I tried to go NC with him because of the stress of being in an EMA. But I missed him so much. I decided to contact him again and just 'forget' about him leaving for a while, possibly for years. Since the sticking point for him has always been his young daughter (9). I thought I could put my own needs aside... especially since NC made me realise I couldn't walk away easily. BUT then Christmas came. And that was the turning point for me... too difficult to stay, too difficult to leave... I became really down about things and found I couldn't just chat to him any longer... I found I had nothing much to say to him (Jan and Feb we haven't been able to meet up due to work things), just tearing up every time we talked. I told him that I just can't stand to do this any longer if he stays with her. It was at that point he brought up separation with his wife. They've had a brief conversation about it... a month ago. We're talking about it now almost every time we talk. I've told him I need to see some movement on it in the next few months. So, as you see... a long history of trying, and so far failing (both of us) to get this relationship 'legitimate'. It's hard... but ultimatums, in fact anything other than total understanding and patience with MM isn't going to work. As they say 'they'll leave when they're ready'... it's not the OW's timetable so much as the MM's. The OW can only make a timetable for how long she can bear it.
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