My_Other_I Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Sexyred posted this, so I reposted it for her. Hope that's OK. Hey, Just need some advise, I can't figure out how to post on this site so this is the only way I could do it.....anyways I am about to get involved with a married man should I stop? He was the one to come to me and at first I neevr knew he was married but then after time I came to find out and he is also much older then me, one of his children is only 5 years younger then me? Should I continue.......is it that bad if I did have a thing with him? Thanks
Author My_Other_I Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 Click on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=57, then click on 'new thread' and post away
Sami_D Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Oh, and I responded to her... just don't do it. If you can walk away now... do it. It will save you a HUGE amount of pain.
guest(sexyred) Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 That's the thing I probably could walk away right now, but I don't know if I want to.......I really like being around him at work and I can't wait until we hook up..........is it even possible to get in and out with out any pain?? In a way I feel as though I have to do this....I have alway wanted to be with an older man am not to sure why....I grew up with out a father in my life so I assume this has alot to do with it..........The thing I can't understand is why he is doing this now and why me.....he has never cheated before and this is his second marriage.........am I that messed up that I even bring myself to think that I need to be with a married man..........why am I feeling like this.......to make things easy I would like to say that I am not going to do it but in all honesty I know that is not the truth so where do I go from here??
Author My_Other_I Posted February 20, 2006 Author Posted February 20, 2006 Well, if you know that you are going to get involved, I say enjoy the ride and come back when your heart is shattered. Maybe then you can offer advoce to those who will have been doing what you are doing now. But they won't listen;) P.S. I would still read OW and Infidelity threads here before you make your final decision. It's very eye opening if you are honest with yourself.
Sami_D Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 That's the thing I probably could walk away right now, but I don't know if I want to.......I really like being around him at work and I can't wait until we hook up..........is it even possible to get in and out with out any pain?? In a way I feel as though I have to do this....I have alway wanted to be with an older man am not to sure why....I grew up with out a father in my life so I assume this has alot to do with it..........The thing I can't understand is why he is doing this now and why me.....he has never cheated before and this is his second marriage.........am I that messed up that I even bring myself to think that I need to be with a married man..........why am I feeling like this.......to make things easy I would like to say that I am not going to do it but in all honesty I know that is not the truth so where do I go from here?? No, I don't believe it is possible to get in and out of it without any pain. Possibly for some people... but for you? You're saying already that it's something to do with your (not having had a) father... there's already enough emotional stuff there to start with. You're playing with fire. If you're going to go into it, then do it by all means. I'd say that one way to protect yourself would be to make sure you keep dating other people, keep a social life going, and make sure you don't get dependent on him financially, socially, emotionally. Keep all your friends close. But.. you're nuts. You WILL get hurt.
newbby Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 i agree with samid, you are already sounding vulnerable. dont do it. it wont make you feel any better for long, and you will end up feeling MUCH worse than you do now. it really isnt worth it. you sound like you want to be looked after, he wont. he will ignore you when you most need him, letting you know your place, not number 2 behind wife, but wayyy down at the bottom of the priority list. dont do it. you cant even imagine how bad it will make you feel.
sexyred Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 First I want to say thanks for the advise, and it is really giving me alot to think about...........but I just want to say that I am not wanting to go into this with the thought of him taking care of me in any way........I take care of myself I always have I never depend on anyone.......does that not make a differance?? I only expect to have "intercourse" with him that's all not even really dating............I know that that sounds really bad and all but right now I don't wanna be with someone so in a sense this could be the perfect situation for me...........because I know that he is taken so I don't have to worry about him wanting me more right?? Now please don't think that I am stupid I am just writting to get someone's advise because in all honesty it really makes me think twice about what I am getting into.........I just need to make sure that you understand where I am coming from and why I am doing this.................or maybe it's that I don't know and you will point that out for me............so thanks for your help
crazy_grl Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 sexyred, if this older man is interested in you, there are plenty of single older men who'd be just as interested. And if all you want is sex with no attachment, you're not going to have the least bit of trouble finding a single guy who's willing to take you up on that. Your reasoning is not really logical. I think you're rationalizing.
newbby Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 First I want to say thanks for the advise, and it is really giving me alot to think about...........but I just want to say that I am not wanting to go into this with the thought of him taking care of me in any way........I take care of myself I always have I never depend on anyone.......does that not make a differance?? I only expect to have "intercourse" with him that's all not even really dating............I know that that sounds really bad and all but right now I don't wanna be with someone so in a sense this could be the perfect situation for me...........because I know that he is taken so I don't have to worry about him wanting me more right?? Now please don't think that I am stupid I am just writting to get someone's advise because in all honesty it really makes me think twice about what I am getting into.........I just need to make sure that you understand where I am coming from and why I am doing this.................or maybe it's that I don't know and you will point that out for me............so thanks for your help i think if you look deep enough and honestly enough at yourself, there will be some neediness there. maybe you really dont want to be looked after, and i didnt really mean that in a "you cant look after yourself" way, but you may find you really want love etc. why would you be worried about him wanting more? either you are already attached(in which case you arent independent like you say), or you have had some bad experiences with obsessive men, perhaps....? commitment phobia as a result of something?? there are very few women who want sex alone, from things you have said, i dont think youre one of them.
Sami_D Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 ... right now I don't wanna be with someone so in a sense this could be the perfect situation for me...........because I know that he is taken so I don't have to worry about him wanting me more right?? This is exactly how I started getting involved with MM. I had had a really bad relationship that ended 2 years before, and I was THROUGH with men. Having a friendship and laughs with a MM seemed harmless enough... 'safe'... That's exactly how I put it to myself. WROOOONNNNGGGGG. Ultimately, we don't have control of where our emotions and needs will lead us. And in no time at all I was up to my neck.
newbby Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 This is exactly how I started getting involved with MM. I had had a really bad relationship that ended 2 years before, and I was THROUGH with men. Having a friendship and laughs with a MM seemed harmless enough... 'safe'... That's exactly how I put it to myself. WROOOONNNNGGGGG. Ultimately, we don't have control of where our emotions and needs will lead us. And in no time at all I was up to my neck. exactly! date consciously.
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