scaredinlove Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 I don't tell people about my affair, but there are times when I feel like I am a liar. And I feel bad about myself.But i know that I really love him and if it was in my power to change the situation I would.It does go against what i believe.But on the other hand what I do with my life is nobody bussiness.So I tell myself to forget what people think and move on. Don't worry, you are trapped in a bad situation,but you are not evil. I am sure you didn't plan in being the OW ,but it happened. I would suggested you stop telling people about it.
erika2610 Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 absolutely. there is no requirement for you to be so open to anyone about being the other woman at any time--before, during, or after the relationship. Exactly.. thank you Like I said, it's part of my past.. not who I am now. It's not like when I meet people I'm gonna go 'Hey, just to let ya know, I was a mistress at one point in my life'. Why would I? I'm not going to let it define me..
Sami_D Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Actually, the whole 'stigma' thing is just so stupid and accusatory. No, I don't go around with a big RED A on my chest.
scarletletter Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 It is unfortunate that BS do come to this forum and expect to make the ow/om feel guilty. I DON'T FEEL GUILTY and some stranger is certainly not going to make me feel that way. This is definately not the place for a BS to come in and not get emotional. There are many things said here that would trigger a BS to make a derogatory comment. I understand that. I have said before as well as Sami has said that this is a place for OW/OM to talk about their situations with people who can relate. BS absolutely cannot relate. We are not the one's that are in the wrong forum. We are here to lend support to each other. Whether a BS finds that disgusting or unethical is up to her, but she/he really needs to go to the infidelity forum and maybe they wouldn't get so fired up. Just my thoughts.
Adunaphel Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I wonder what the replies to a thread that said "Guys/ladies who have cheated on your SO at least once in your life, do you carry your stigma with you?" would say. Just a thought. I think some guys would instantly decide that I'm not relationship material if they ever knew I had sex with a MM. Which is, IMO, not logical. I don't recall ever cheating on a boyfriend, or lying to a boyfriend. I've also already lost a couple of friends over this. I find it funny that one of those friends cheated on two of her boyfriends, and still decided that I am a much worse person than her. Perhaps she is worried that "once a OW, always an OW, and always trying to pursue *any* guy in a committed relationship". How wrong.
No Stress Lady Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I wonder what the replies to a thread that said "Guys/ladies who have cheated on your SO at least once in your life, do you carry your stigma with you?" would say. Just a thought. I think some guys would instantly decide that I'm not relationship material if they ever knew I had sex with a MM. Which is, IMO, not logical. I don't recall ever cheating on a boyfriend, or lying to a boyfriend. I've also already lost a couple of friends over this. I find it funny that one of those friends cheated on two of her boyfriends, and still decided that I am a much worse person than her. Perhaps she is worried that "once a OW, always an OW, and always trying to pursue *any* guy in a committed relationship". How wrong. Very good point!
Sami_D Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 Actually Adunaphel, I would understand anyone who didn't really 'get' why I would have been the OW at one time in my life... but I think, that anyone I wanted to be with... would understand why I did it, and would come to realise that even really 'good' people could be OW. Anyone who didn't get that... wouldn't be worth my time. For one, because they weren't very understanding, or for 2, would be immature or too young to get it.
THX2000 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 In my case I can maybe shed some perspective once again from the POV of the person who was cheated on. My ex-gf of 4+ years does at this point carry the "brand" or "scarlet letter" of cheater and she deserves it. She is a serial cheater and will probably never change her ways. Some have argued that the act of cheating is not like breaking the law but it's much worse in a lot of ways. It betrays the very foundation of a relationship with the person who trusts and loves you more than anyone else in the world. Therefore it carries a high social price for those who CHOOSE to cheat. That said, as much as I have no respect for my ex or anyone that cheats - I would hope that my ex has learned from her mistake and grow as a person. I don't blame people for making mistakes but I do hold them accountable for how they deal with the consequences of their actions. Hopefully the cheater will eventually outgrow the "stigma" of being a cheater and be remembered as being a great person that made a mistake and was remorseful and tried to make amends. I know in my ex's case that won't happen but it doesn't mean it won't for someone else.
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