blue16 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Yeah, I know...I guess it just reminds me of things that I've done before, so I react to it. ya me too... However, I think a big problem is that mrB hasn't developed feelings for anyone else yet. It's amazing how someone can hung up on another...but when they find someone else suddenly they ask themselves "why was I so caught up on her anyways?" I don't think mrB will get over her until he finds someone else, unfortunately. It's just the way it works, often times.
amerikajin Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 The real danger here is that he'll be hung up on her until she finds somebody else.
Walk Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 The real danger here is that he'll be hung up on her until she finds somebody else.Highly unlikely. Not with him going oversea's for a month. He's going to be so preocuppied with so many new things that I bet she fades rather quickly into the back ground of his new life. If he were sticking around and continuing his normal life, then maybe I could see that. But I think he's going to be more concerned with culture shock and new things then worrying about what someone he used to know is doing. At least, that's how it worked for me in the past. Nothing like extremely changing your life to knock the memory of unrequitted love from your thoughts.
Walk Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 He has to do it this way because that's who he is. Got nothing else to lose, and honestly, maybe him pushing the envelope abit will just give him more closure.I like this WWIU. Insightful. Explains a lot of my past actions too. Thank you.
Author mrB2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 Walk and WWIU: I think both of you are correct....I have nothing to lose....I would like her to know how I truely feel about her..... Walk: Yes, I will be immersed in a new culture....I will be more worried about fitting in my new environment.....This journey may be what I need to move on....at least that is what I am hoping..... My journey is now less than four weeks away...My mind is in such tangle now....paperwork, packing, legal stuff, my faith and my family...plus this mess with the friend..... WWIU: I told my friend that the email was a catharsis for me....I told her that I didn't mean to upset her, but that it had to be done for my sake.... The email had many compliments toward my friend, but also some criticisms...the criticisms were from a friend to a friend....The criticisms were from the heart.... So, I am sure that I will have some contact with her, but hopefully it will occur later, much later, once I get settled in overseas.... MrB
Author mrB2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 blue16: I thank you for your reply....During my time with my friend, I tried to look out for potential dates, but I was too enamored with her.....That will happen if friends do many, many things together....that includes a cross-country road trip.... I really wanted to be only friends with her, but my emotions got involved...my wussiness and her teasing only made things worse for me.... But, it is true that I should have been more open to other opportunities...In retrospect, I had several opportunities.....ladies I met at work and out on the town....but my mind and heart went back to my friend....I mean there was some connection between us. Why would she want to spend hours and hours with me? Yeah, we were friends, but ..... Now, I am about to embark on a journey few people get the chance to take....I will be living and teaching in a country 15,000 miles away from family and friends.....I will learn about how people other than Americans live....I will learn their culture and language...I will be on my own in a foreign land....That is scary sh*t, but I am looking for a challenge.... I am sure that my time with my friend will always be apart of me (I know noclobber is shaking his head about now)....but it is time for me to move on and experience new things and meet new people..... MrB
Walk Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I am sure that my time with my friend will always be apart of me (I know noclobber is shaking his head about now)....but it is time for me to move on and experience new things and meet new people..... Very true. I had a man I was completely in love with who didn't share the same feelings towards me. I left for a 3 month hiatus, kind of like you. New culture, new things, very stressful. I came home. And at first all the old feelings hit me really hard. But they went away quickly. I wasn't the same, he wasn't the same... nothing was the same. I still think back sometimes and remember, and they are some of the best memories I have. Makes me smile now. Even though at the time it hurt really badly. But the good times were there, and I still remember. And I keep those. It's not something bad. You feel, you learn, you grow, and in time you smile again.
Author mrB2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 Walk: Yes, I will always remember the good times we had....Those moments will always be with me....You just can't completely erase that person from your mind FOR GOOD....You take the good and accept the bad, then move on.... Thanks MrB
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Walk, that is really cool that you can look back and smile. And know that you grew because of him. I do believe that certain people come into our lives for a reason. Some of them stick around to be life long friends, and some of them you have to let go and move on. I like this WWIU. Insightful. Explains a lot of my past actions too. Thank you. You're welcome. Makes sense though, eh? I'm the same way, I tend to wear my heart out there and at times I've blurted out stuff I probably should have kept to myself - But, looking back, I am glad I allowed myself to just do what I had to do. WWIU: I told my friend that the email was a catharsis for me....I told her that I didn't mean to upset her, but that it had to be done for my sake.... The email had many compliments toward my friend, but also some criticisms...the criticisms were from a friend to a friend....The criticisms were from the heart.... Then it's all good. Always look at it in a positive way. Two people who are friends should be able to speak their minds honestly without shields and worries. You did what was best for you. You'll sleep better because of it!
Mary3 Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 You can take what happened to you and use it as a learning experience. I read this forum and see some of my own errors and I am glad I come here to see my mistakes and ( maybe ) to possibly help others. Whats done is done. You are embarking on a great journey and you will grow from it. I know you needed closure and you needed to tell her how you felt. But Mr B you she isn't * feeling * you so for her to comprehend what she did to you is highly unlikely. For her to touch you and talk about sex then pull out the Hot Iron and burn you for wanting more , well its just cruel what she did, Have your closure . Do what you need to do. I don't recommend giving her continual control like this and devulging all your feelings and heartache because as she clearly stated : She plays with guys heads. Why give her your head on a platter ?? Either way Good Luck with your new exciting Life !!
loony Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 I would like her to know how I truely feel about her..... Unless you think that she's really dumb assume that she knows it already and that she doesn't give a damn. Your wonderful friend is an immature little girl who understands that you are in love with her, but not the extent of it - if she understood your desperation she would have withdrawn from you - therefore she find it entertaining to tease you. Maybe she did it in order to have fun with you, maybe it was a thinly reveiled request to you to take her there on the spot - whatever, it's just immature behavior. You friend is immature and therefore, your email is more or less a waste of time. You expect to touch her heart with your words, but it's not going to work, she will not be able to understand them. What she will though is, smell the desperation. She knows she has you, because you are not in control of your feelings; if you were you would have backed off by now, which you are not doing. I'm saying this, because I have seen it all. I've been on both sides and it didn't work for me nor for the other person. All this anger followed by wimpylike behavior makes you look so weak. I think you should stop complaining about your friend, because that's also just what whiners do and you should also stop saying what a wonderful person she is, because that's what wussies do. Instead you should concentrate on yourself and the problems you have with your self-esteem.
Author mrB2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Author Posted February 22, 2006 Well, some good news for a change....She did not email me..... So maybe she is taking me for my word..... Loony: I wasn't whining about my friend...I just wanted to know why she was doing what she was doing with me...that's all..... Anyhow, I am getting ready for my journey...it is approaching fast..... MrB
loony Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Well, some good news for a change....She did not email me..... So maybe she is taking me for my word..... I hope you don't write another email and ask her about it. Think what needy and clingy behavior would look like and do the opposite of it. This whole thing is a battle about control. If you can't control your own emotions, how are you going to control her? She is a tough one. Loony: I wasn't whining about my friend...I just wanted to know why she was doing what she was doing with me...that's all..... Because people are immature and lack empathy. I had someone apologize to me after three years. He had given me half-ass apologies that I never viewed as real apologies and due to this our relationship always remained quite strained. He apologized, because he had a bad experience with a girl a while ago and he realized he behaved just as I had and that how he had behaved towards me was wrong. That came from a guy who had been engaged and living with his fiancée and her child for a couple of years till they broke up. He was younger than I was now and the child was also a tad older. I know for myself personally that I would not be read for this kind of responsibility and commitment right now, but he was. Nonetheless, it didn't mean that he was mature in other areas of his life and I assume your friend is just like this, too. Anyhow, I am getting ready for my journey...it is approaching fast..... I am so sure that you will meet so many interesting people abroad. People with more heart and empathy than your friend and you will wonder what you saw in her. Good luck
ausboy06 Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 A few years ago I was in a similarish situation to you MrB. I too had someone in my life who I spent a lot of time with and who I fell very hard for. And I thought at the time that she was feeling the same way (judging from the way she treated me and so forth). Unfortunately when I gathered enough courage to actually say something I was given the "lets be friends" line. I felt awful and confused for ages, but I've realised over the years that this sort of thing is really common. Lots of people go through very similar things. Anyway, I gradually lost touch with her and you know what? I got over it. Best of luck for your situation though.
Author mrB2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 Thank you Ausboy, I appreciate your input.... This will be very painful. But life moves on...it has to. MrB
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