golden Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 After a couple of days of NC, deleting all MSN conversations and emails with/to/from him, I feel somewhat better. And alot different - not just because of the past few days, but the whole relationship, really. On one hand, I think I've made many positive changes - I'm starting to take care of myself, I'm going to start my exercise regime tomorrow morning, and simple things like meals and sleeping with the windows open to let in the cool night air are pleasurable again. On the other - I wonder where this relationship has left me, in terms of future relationships. I catch myself thinking, "I won't ever let someone dump me again - I'll dump them first" or "The next one's got to love me wholeheartedly, or I'm out of here. And he'd better be able to prove it." In a way, I think I might be losing the ability to keep my heart open and to love freely. I think I might be becoming like the Ex, who was hurt in almost exactly the same way he ended up hurting me - loving someone who could never love him as much in return, but waited too long before ending it. I suppose I can only stay aware of this possible change - to try and stay careful, but open and not bitter. It wouldn't be fair to myself or to any of my future partners if I just clammed up and shut down because of this. And maybe that's a good thing. So the question is: How do YOU feel about where you are now and where you are headed? Is the destination bad? Good? And how are you dealing with it?
TeaCooler Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 i did the breaking up. it was the best thing i ever did for myself. the person who breaks up is always made out to be the monster, but people forget that you don't leave someone just for fun...there are a ton of reasons. the person who is left behind wasn't always some innocent angel who got his or her heart broken. a**h***s can cry too.
jerbear Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 It got me to fix my "flaws" and move on. The next woman to get me would get a better me. Can't or don't know how to do something, take a class/lesson. Breaks up also help me know who I want/need, what I want/need, and when I want/need it. It gives me a better understanding of myself.
siCKness Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 it got me to realize shes the ONLY one for me.. and wow.. shes all gone.. shes irreplacable.. and i regret everything that i caused her.. i regret every single bad thing ive done to her.. and now ive lost my chance.. ive lost the chance of being truly happy with the most magnificent girl in the world for the rest of my life.. i blew it.. now my world is ruined.. and theres no hope for me.. But God is there to help and im truly thankful for that.. her pictures, her letters, her smile, and the memories we shared is out keeps me going everyday.. and i thank God for her.. for blessing me a girl i dont deserve..
FallenAngel28 Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I'm working on making myself a better person.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I realized that I am stronger that I thought. I am going to start thinking about myself more so that I can be a better person for the next person that I share my heart with.
Just Visiting Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I realized that I am stronger that I thought. I am going to start thinking about myself more so that I can be a better person for the next person that I share my heart with. Same here. This last break up (five months ago) was the "straw that broke the camel's back". It FINALLY clicked in that I have been repeatedly ending up with the same type of guy, he just had a different name and face. So now that I am seeing that dysfunction, I am becoming more aware of who I am, what I want, and where I want to go. Despite the heartache and pain, it's all good.
riobikini Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 RE: Golden: " How did your relationship/breakup change you?" As anything emotionally rendering does with me, it made me aware in an extraordinarily acute sense, of the plights and issues and pain of others. It always has that effect with me. For instance, my ex, B**, has a daughter who had just broken up with her bf and was dealing with some of the traumatic fallout from it. Although I'd never met her, I thought of her and how ironic it was that her father was delivering his own dose of carelessness to me that, it appeared, his daughter was having delivered to her by her own boyfriend. But it actually made me very sad for her, thinking of what she must be going through, -and of course, I wanted to help her. It didn't stop there. Some say it is not wise to help the enemy, even in peacetime, (Smile), -but I found myself very concerned about B**, as well. Giving the benefit of the doubt to whether I was incredibly wrong about everything -my decision to stop seeing him- I still thought about B** and his well-being, and how negatively the sudden break might affect him. The benefit of the doubt was based on the question of whether he, in fact, did have any feelings at any time for me, at all. If he had them, I did not (nor do I still), desire to see anyone experiencing any emotional pain from any of my actions. I simply want to know that all is well with everyone, -as for me- I normally consider myself last. -Rio
Curmudgeon Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Past tense but when the former wife of 25 years left me for another, I took the next two years "off" from society and concentrated on what was wrong with my and on my part in the downfall of the marriage. I emerged from those years a much different person with a far better outlook on life than I'd ever had before. During the intervening years I've found real love, improved my professional and financial status and my life in general is much improved. Best of all, I didn't allow the ex's actions cause me to become embittered or suspicious of others. No one else is/was the ex.
WeaknPowerless Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 During the relationship, I became a better, more open person. It helped me forget the anger and frustration I found looking at my parents and it helped me know I could love someone...really love someone like you hear and read about. I also became a lot more mature and less arguementative and just generally an understanding person. The breakup: Well, I see how I was exactly opposite of what I was like in the relationship before that. So I think I have to sort out both and find the happy medium. It also opened my eyes that all is not what it seems. I thought I was on top of the world, and you can fall pretty quickly. No matter how much you love someone, you gotta love yourself more. When she ran out on me, I had nothing of myself. And I don't ever want to let that happen again.
In Sync Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Despite all the grieving...I have to admit, it was this breakup that made me face some self destructive pattern I had hidden under the surface in order to maintain this particular realtionship. Had I not hit rock bottom and hurt so much from it, I would not have stopped, picked myself up and looked in the mirror and reflect on it and saw the truth of what I was really in. Something that looked liked a relationship and wasn't. AND what hit me the most, was I clung desparately to it for no other reason than a way to avoid the fear of loneliness. I know now that loving myself and taking care of my emotional needs is top priority and before seeking happiness through another I must find it within me first...therefore I won't overlook and accept the lack character of anyone in order to keep them in my life to fill a void.
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