RetroMan Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 I split up with my girlfriend about a month and a half ago...kind of mutual because she was going to university, and although we tried the long distance thing for a couple of months, we decided it wasn't really working for either of us so we called it a day. At the moment, I'm finding myself quite depressed. It's quite debilitating to have to go back to where I was before I found her...without sex or any one-on-one female company. I feel the need for a rebound or just some fun/casual thing to lift my spirits but I feel like I've lost confidence a bit. I sometimes feel like I got lucky with her but it will never happen again. I've often been told that I'm a good looking and nice guy, but I don't find that helps at all. I've got a friend who is pretty average looking (and short) but has the gift of the gab, and seems to be able to just go to women that he knows, suggest sex and actually, alot of the time, gets it! I wish I could do that but I feel like I'd probably just end up sounding like a pervert. Apart from being very much on the slender side, physically I don't think I have anything to worry about. As for being a nice guy, shouldn't have anything to worry about there either. My ex had previously about 5 'boyfriends' but said that I was the first man that she had ever fallen in love with. I was also responsible for giving her the first orgasm she'd ever had because she'd never really enjoyed sex before. Just want to know why I feel so inferior and helpless right now and wondered if there was anyone who has been in my situation and felt the same? Stories to tell...etc?
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 I think you need time to be alone and get over your previous girlfriend before jumping in the sack with someone else. Something tells me you're not one for casual sex and right now with the way you feel about yourself, it's not a good idea.
TeaCooler Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 As for being a nice guy, shouldn't have anything to worry about there either. My ex had previously about 5 'boyfriends' but said that I was the first man that she had ever fallen in love with. I was also responsible for giving her the first orgasm she'd ever had because she'd never really enjoyed sex before. the first part is debatable. the second part, well...a lot of girls say these things to their boyfriends. just try to get over this lying ex-gf, get some confidence, and start talking to people. stop looking for love, you don't find it if you're searching for it.
Author RetroMan Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 just try to get over this lying ex-gf That's a bit harsh considering the small amount of information I've given and not really the kind of comments I'm looking for. She's one of the nicest girls I've ever met and we are still friends. She'd never had a boyfriend that lasted more than about three months and we were together for practically a year. I'm asking a question about how to cope by myself, not to start tarnishing the memories I have of what was a really great, loving relationship.
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 I'm asking a question about how to cope by myself, not to start tarnishing the memories I have of what was a really great, loving relationship. Keep yourself busy with your friends, family and school work. Find hobbies that you enjoy to fill up your time. Ofcourse you should always smile about her, she was part of your life for a long time. She was someone really special to you. So, with that being said, try not to feel sad, just know that maybe the timing was wrong because of the long distance - I mean, if you two were closer in distance, then I'm sure things would be different. It's hard to maintain a LD relationship and both parties involved have to really want it and work at it to keep things as normal as possible.
Author RetroMan Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 Keep yourself busy with your friends, family and school work. ...just so everyone knows by the way, I'm 22 so about six years removed from school work, but I get the idea. I'm having driving lessons at the moment which I'm doing really well in and hope to have my licence within a couple of months. I suppose I could think about the fact that if I was still going up to visit her every week, I wouldn't even be able to afford to have the lessons so that's kind of a plus. I'm sure I know a couple of girls who would be interested and I think about them sometimes and what I might do the next time I see them, but when I do see them I suddenly feel like I can't really think what to say and, ultimately, just don't have the drive to actually try and initiate anything. I guess that's a strong indication of how I'm feeling right now.
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Oh I thought you were in college/university too, didn't mean high school... Just take things slow when it comes to other girls. The last thing you need is a girl falling for you when you're not ready to be with someone else in an emotional way. I know you miss that intimacy, though looking for it elsewhere will only make you feel worse. Good luck with driving!! Let us know when you pass!!
TeaCooler Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 That's a bit harsh considering the small amount of information I've given and not really the kind of comments I'm looking for. She's one of the nicest girls I've ever met and we are still friends. She'd never had a boyfriend that lasted more than about three months and we were together for practically a year. I'm asking a question about how to cope by myself, not to start tarnishing the memories I have of what was a really great, loving relationship. sorry. i guess to me it seems easier to face the truth and move on before starting something else. you don't have to take my advice (or anyone else's) but you asked and i gave. you won't always like what you hear, but that's life. good luck.
Author RetroMan Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 Oh I thought you were in college/university too, didn't mean high school... Good luck with driving!! Let us know when you pass!! No, I work. I did go to college but that was a few years ago now. Guess that's another reason why my ex and myselfs lives are quite different now. Thanks! It's only since I've had a proper job that I know I could actually afford a car so that's why I'm having lessons now. I know in the states people learn to drive alot earlier...?
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Not sure, I'm in Canada - But I always assumed 16 years old was the same in the US as in Canada. Though I know many people these days wait because the car insurance is so bloody expensive! And they've changed the rules of having your license for the first year here. Can't drive alone at night, or on weekends.
Author RetroMan Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 sorry. i guess to me it seems easier to face the truth and move on before starting something else. you don't have to take my advice (or anyone else's) but you asked and i gave. you won't always like what you hear, but that's life. good luck. I think it was the unfounded cynicism that surprised me to be honest. I know alot of people have a "well, this is the truth so deal with it!" sort of attitude on forums like these, but I think your comments were a little unfounded and that I didn't really supply you enough information to make such assumptions. There are people out there who are true to their significant others and I have a very strong belief that my ex was one of them. And I also believe that I am quite capable of coping and moving on without feeling it's necessary to belittle her in my mind as a 'liar'. That would be a big injustice to her. But thanks anyway.
djrdei Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 I miss my ex too. I have been spending a lot of time with my guy friends lately but its just not the same. It just sucks, but I keep telling myself that there is someone out there for me and that maybe being with my ex just wasnt the right thing.
SuperMonk Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Man, you're obsessing over her. Stop that and get a life.
Bellona Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 I was in your shoes last summer. I know what you're going through, and it hurts very much. It took a few months on my own to regain my confidence and feel up to the challenge of giving myself to another person. Trust that it will get better. Not overnight, but in time. I wish there was a magic pill that we could pop and just start over with someone else. That one-on-one contact seems irreplaceable. Just know that, she saw enough in you to be with you all that time. You've got attractive traits, and someone else will hone in on them and you can make a move when you feel ready. I gave myself a few months to recover, and focused on developing myself in the meantime. I worked hard, I got a better job and moved to a new city, and now I've been seeing someone for three months. It's rocky at times because I don't think a relationship is a priority for him these days, but I was ready to give it a try, and I know that I can again if things don't work out. Keep your head up. Good luck with the driving lessons. Hang in there.
Author RetroMan Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 Man, you're obsessing over her. Stop that and get a life. I'm not! Christs sake. I just haven't come here to have someone who I loved very much being slagged off by people that don't even know her. It's simply un-called for and that isn't what I came here for.
Author RetroMan Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 I was in your shoes last summer. I know what you're going through, and it hurts very much. It took a few months on my own to regain my confidence and feel up to the challenge of giving myself to another person. Trust that it will get better. Not overnight, but in time. I wish there was a magic pill that we could pop and just start over with someone else. That one-on-one contact seems irreplaceable. Just know that, she saw enough in you to be with you all that time. You've got attractive traits, and someone else will hone in on them and you can make a move when you feel ready. I gave myself a few months to recover, and focused on developing myself in the meantime. I worked hard, I got a better job and moved to a new city, and now I've been seeing someone for three months. It's rocky at times because I don't think a relationship is a priority for him these days, but I was ready to give it a try, and I know that I can again if things don't work out. Keep your head up. Good luck with the driving lessons. Hang in there. Thanks. Yeah, it almost feels like sometimes that she was the only person who could appreciate me and the idea of trying to find someone to replace her seems scary. That's the word I'm trying to avoid in my head though..."replace". I shouldn't really think of it like that though cos all relationships should be different. Obviously, one month ago I was very down, but now I'm torn between been down because I'm still grieving the loss, but also down because I have the urge to find someone else starting to come back. The other thing is that I'm not confident at "asking out" girls. I didn't have to do that with my ex cos it just kind of happened, but I'm still a novice really at knowing how and when to approach girls. What's acceptable and what's not. I always end up missing opportunities and leaving things too long.
Recommended Posts