Guest Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Why would a woman in a 14+ year marriage w/children feel it is perfectly okay to carry on multiple A's/ONS's over the course of 3 years (could be longer, this is all I know of). Husband (who treats her well), at times, suspects something but her lies and temper tantrums push him into submission. She lives by the motto "everything can be denied, just don't get caught red handed". She is a pretty good looking girl (late 30's), educated. Takes good care of herself; exercises, dresses really nice. Doesn't put as much effort into anything else. She is not afraid/ashamed to admit she is married. She likes to make her rounds to the pubs and troll for partners. She does not display even the least bit of guilt/remorse about what she is doing to husband and children (I know for sure it is not an open marriage). Also, she is very reckless, and doesn't put much thought before her actions. How long can something like this go on before it derails? What could possibly drive a W to be like this? This may sound bizzare, but true. Don't feel comfortable giving any more background info.
Walking away Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 She sounds almost sociopathic....is only concerned about herself. At the very least, she is narcissistic. This situation could go on indefinitely unless the husband puts his foot down and exhibits tough love towards her....Very few women respect a "submissive" man.
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Definately extremely selfish and a narcissistic personality to boot. She is having her cake and eating it too. Cakewoman! She believes her own lies and justifies to herself that what she is doing is OK. What a load of crap. She's disrespecting not only her husband, but her own children!
Sami_D Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Why would a woman in a 14+ year marriage w/children feel it is perfectly okay to ... Well you don't give details. So I don't know whether it's you, or a close friend or intimate, or someone you know mostly nothing about and are making assumptions. Like the assumption that she thinks it's perfectly OK. Like the assumption of the reasons her H is mostly ignorant, or ignoring, or scared of the whole issue. Basically, these are a set of assumptions and half-facts. And it's very hard to comment on that sort of thing with no context.
newbby Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Well you don't give details. So I don't know whether it's you, or a close friend or intimate, or someone you know mostly nothing about and are making assumptions. Like the assumption that she thinks it's perfectly OK. Like the assumption of the reasons her H is mostly ignorant, or ignoring, or scared of the whole issue. Basically, these are a set of assumptions and half-facts. And it's very hard to comment on that sort of thing with no context. agree. you need to give more information to get any helpful answers to your questions.
No comprende Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 This is the guest, I had to register to get the "post reply" button in my browser. I've been lurking here for quite a while, and found this to be a very fascinating forum. People helping people, sharing experiences and learning (I don't see enough of this going on in the world). Hope that I will be able to contribute to this forum. Okay, more info: I knew this woman for about three years from the pub scene, Also a good friend of mine just happens to be her neighbor (and knows the husband well). I knew what she was up to. I knew some guys that claimed she was a predator, and one guy that she had a couple month affair with, which this guy admitted that that they would meet (usually at a pub), and go get a room somewhere (saw them leave together once). I also became kind of a friend with her (no intent of going anywhere beyond that), we talked often, and I did meet her husband once when she was out with him (seemed like a good guy). She told me that her and her husband hardly do anything together (I believe he works a evening job), she works (part time) days. We met one day in town (accidental happening), and had lunch together. This was when she did tell me that she was unhappy in her marriage, and her husband was not aware of this; and she was looking for the right guy. I also got the "poor me" scenario, separate vacations, never celebrate anniversary, and "he must be crazy to think that i'm going to sit home waiting for him to get a day off to go do something", "he always accuses me of having affairs" (he wasn't wrong there!). There were quite a few more negative comments about the husband. Also, alot of other comments that threw up alot of red flags, of course, at the time I wasn't paying attention. Since that day at lunch she made it very apparent that I was to be her OM, she started with showing off her body (very nice!) quite a bit, telling me that it could be mine, along with very many sexual coments. Also told me of all the ways one could get away with an affair. I told her we can't go there and we should just be friends. That's when I got to see a very evil look and was told, by her "I don't need any friends, I got enough of them", then she wouldn't talk to me for a while. Over the course of a month she made two more attempts, on the last attempt we did end up in a kiss, I did stop it. I did tell her again that we can't be doing this, immediately she transformed into a monster calling me every name in the book. She walked away and has never talked to me again. I do see her every now and then out in the pubs, she's usually hanging on a guy (not husband), looking my way and smiling. I was a little hurt by her actions, but was even more confused as to why she does what she does. Her personality was always very outgoing and friendly, and really great to talk to. I am not married, and have always preferred the persuit of single women and the challenge that goes with it. As opposed to the deceit, imaturity, and guilt that goes w/ EA's. I will admit that the temptation to "go for it" was very strong, but the guilt was stronger. I really do feel a great concern for their children. I am just amazed that a person can carry on EA's over a long time and not be consumed by guilt. It's not like I've never been aware (or exposed) to EA's, I've just never paid any attention to them or the people involved. I just have a tough time grasping onto a reason/answer for this type of behavior.
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