the single friend Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Ok, My problem has existed for a few months now and I have just learned to deal with it and have faith in the man I want to be with. Yet, it seems like every other month that one of my friends gets engaged. I am literally the only one left and I have known my friend the longest. It is complicated. I met him about two years ago when I was out one night with my two best girl friends! He was extremely appropriate and I gave him my number! Later that night, we were all hanging out at my friends apartment and it was just so much fun!!! Well, we finally had the, "are we dating?" talk and he told me that he had just gotten out of a relationship, in which he has a daughter, and he just wanted to have fun and do his thing, which I could totally understand because I was still busy trying to fix things with my ex. Well, after we decided to just be friends we were just that, friends!! It was awesome!! He always makes me smile and laugh!! It's just really natural! Well, three months later I found out that he was married!!! He had lied to me! I was livid, but it felt like when your best girlfriend lies to you and you are just like, "Girl, I am your friend, don't front with me!" We didn't talk for a while, then we started talking again, off and on. All the while I was dating other people, all the relationships were dysfunctional!! But, he was always there to listen and make me laugh!! He uses the classic terms of endearment and a few months ago I found out the he wanted to be my boyfriend. Then again he didn't, because he was moving even farther away and just wanted to wait and see what happened when he got back! He is separated now, but not divorced yet!! I have trouble reading him!! He always emails and before his phone was cut off we talked every day!! When I went to see him it was absolutely wonderful!! He kept saying all these nice things to me and it wasn't anything new, but just good to hear!! I can't decide whether I should stick it out or if I am getting played again. Help me!!
Devildog Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 My vote is for fool. He has lied repeatedly about his status. Just got out of a relationship when he is actually married? And you believe him about this separation talk? His phone probably wasn't shut off, his wife probably had the number changed because you are probably not the only woman he is playing with like this. Besides, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is a known cheater? You could never trust him. Well, I guess you could trust him, but that would mean you really are a fool.
Groovy Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 I agree with Devil Dog. Even if he could change, find someone without the baggage. I find it very odd his phone got disconnected. If you must do anything with him I'd check out his place and make sure a woman isn't living there....
the single friend Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Ok, The reason that his phone got cut off was because he is deployed now! THe reason I believe he is deployed is because he gave me his mom's phone number and I have spoken with her numerous times and he has sent me letters and a card for my birthday. When I went to visit him I did go to his apartment and there was absolutely NO hint of a woman there. That was one thing that made me feel a little more like I could trust him, but I don't completely trust him yet!! Is it cheating if she is seeing other people too? When I first found out the he was married I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said because where he comes from people don't get divorced. he is from a small town in the mid west. I told him that here it is oh so common and I asked him how he could even consider me his friend if he feels that if he tells me the truth I would pass judgment on him. He then proceded to tell me everything that had gone on and I heard from other sources that she was verbally abusive to him and stuff!! I think that the one thing that was driving him to work it out was his baby. I do value him as a friend but am very wary of starting a relationship with him, but it isn't even a possibility until I see the papers with my own eyes!! I do think he would make me very happy, he does that know as my friend. But I am trying not to sissy out of the whole you have a lot to prove to me mind set, but I feel that if I were to tell him that that he would be very responsive and try his hardest to make up for his one mistake!!
the single friend Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Ok, so his phone was cut off because he was deployed a few months ago! I have confirmed this because he gave me his mom's number and told me that I could talk to her to check on him and such if we have to go for a lengthy time without talking! I have been to his place and there was no sign of a woman there!! I do value him as a friend and still haven't lost sight of the fact that he has lied to me and it will take a lot for me to beleive that his divorce is final! Like I have to physically see the papers! But now that I know that he is married what reason does he have to lie to me? Our relationship has always been platonic! You'd think by now if he was just trying to cheat that he wouldn't hang on to a platonic relationship for two almost three year and through a deployment if he didn't care about me!! And he gave me permission to talk to his mom! That really shocked me!! And is it cheating if she is seeing other people too? Thank you for your thoughts!!
Groovy Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I wouldn't consider someone seperated and seeing other people as a cheater. It's pretty universally accepted that when people are seperated they are free to see others. Of course many people feel that you should wait until the divorce is final, but it depends. It's good you get to talk to his mom, he probably wouldn't let that happen if foul play is going on in his love life. We all make mistakes and he did something stupid in his past. I would give him a chance and like you should with anyone, just go in with your eyes open and cautious. Best of luck to you!
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