mrB2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Walk: To be honest, I wouldn't read much into her reaction now? She has told me what she thinks by her silence.....That's the way it goes..... But tell me, if this friend had no obvious intentions of being with me, then why would she say. 'Please write me...I don't get letters from anyone else other than my parents....'.... I just thought for someone who doesn't get a lot of mail and email, she would have appreciated the thought...I guess I was wrong.... And she always tells me "Oh, I'll write you" in every email, but she hasnt....Why can't she just say "Leave me alone"....If she just came out and told me that, then I would have packed up long ago...I would respect her wishes....But the way she is clueing me is bizarre....I just wish that she would make up her mind....It will save both of us from heart ache in the end.... MrB
Walk Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Walk: To be honest, I wouldn't read much into her reaction now? She has told me what she thinks by her silence.....That's the way it goes..... But tell me, if this friend had no obvious intentions of being with me, then why would she say. 'Please write me...I don't get letters from anyone else other than my parents....'.... I just thought for someone who doesn't get a lot of mail and email, she would have appreciated the thought...I guess I was wrong.... And she always tells me "Oh, I'll write you" in every email, but she hasnt....Why can't she just say "Leave me alone"....If she just came out and told me that, then I would have packed up long ago...I would respect her wishes....But the way she is clueing me is bizarre....I just wish that she would make up her mind....It will save both of us from heart ache in the end.... MrB Cause she wants you to write her, and she probably means to write you, but you're just not ranking quite high enough for her to actually put the effort into it. I've got a friend that swears, every time I see her, that she'll write me back. I've heard this at least a dozen times. Never get anything from her back. She really does mean to, but I know I don't rank high enough on her friends list. If something, or someone else intrudes on her writing me, then I'm placed to the side. Take it for what it is. The actions speak loudest here. Or lack of.
mrB2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Walk: I am not even on her mind at all....This ecard fiasco proves it.... Yes, this person has meant a lot to me, but at what cost.... I swear, I had several opportunities to date other women while I was around my friend....but my friend would seem to give me little hints here and there (from touching me, to talking about marriage, to inviting me on a road trip--just her and me) What is a poor confused guy supposed to do? This whole ecard thing has proven to me that I was deluded....I wish I had paid attention to what my friends, family, and posters to LS were telling me....She had no intention to be with me.....Yes, it is cruel, but such is life.... I try to be an honest person. And when I told my friend how I felt about her, she thanked me for my honesty...All I want is some honesty on her part...She tells me that I am a nice guy, but....then gives me the reasons why it wouldnt work out...However, she then continues to touch me or to talk about topics that shouldn't be talked about between 'just friend' friends.... I try not to fault myself over this fiasco anymore....I have learned a lot about women in the last year.... MrB
Author noclobber Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 MrB, Do not pay attention to what a woman SAYS, pay attention to what a woman DOES. They will say one thing and do entirely the opposite. If this friend of yours wants you to write her letters and then doesn't respond to you then it is very apparent that she is saying certain things but doesn't really mean it. The best thing for you to do would be to completely ignore her and start dating other women.
Author noclobber Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 Walk... hi what's up with your avatar? please change it... i really cannot stand an ugly representation of a beautiful angel
Art_Critic Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 MrB, Do not pay attention to what a woman SAYS, pay attention to what a woman DOES. They will say one thing and do entirely the opposite. If this friend of yours wants you to write her letters and then doesn't respond to you then it is very apparent that she is saying certain things but doesn't really mean it. The best thing for you to do would be to completely ignore her and start dating other women. NoClobber.. This is great advice..Now what you need to learn is to follow your own advice .. Women, assume that a guy friend of yours expresses his feelings for you and you turn him down. See what I mean ?
Author noclobber Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 NoClobber.. This is great advice..Now what you need to learn is to follow your own advice .. See what I mean ? hahaha... point taken! that precisely is my problem actually... she said she doesn't have feelings for me but all her actions indicate otherwise... whatever... for my own sanity i have started backing-off from this person..
Walk Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Walk... hi what's up with your avatar? please change it... i really cannot stand an ugly representation of a beautiful angel What?!?! Are you kidding? It's so totally me. I'm short, have dark hair, and like a shot of whiskey on occasion. I like the cigarette dangling from the lips too. Ain't that sexy? Ooooh Baby! Who wouldn't wanna have a girl like me!! $10 make you holler. (You'll be yelling....GO AWAY YODA!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
Walk Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 hahaha... point taken! that precisely is my problem actually... she said she doesn't have feelings for me but all her actions indicate otherwise... whatever... for my own sanity i have started backing-off from this person.. If noclobber only had the option of having his girl ignore him. She won't give him enough time alone to take a pee alone during the day.
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 that precisely is my problem actually... she said she doesn't have feelings for me but all her actions indicate otherwise... She probably doesn't know wtf she wants, so yeah, backing off is good. Atleast then SHE will take some intiative or something. And then you'll see what's what. Until then, keep yourself busy.
amerikajin Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 MrB, One of the toughest things is to know when to say 'Enough is enough', especially when there's the possibility that something might be there. I have been in your shoes before, and unfortunately, the same thing happened. Next time, when someone rejects you the first time, move on - don't analyze it. I think that's one of the biggest mistakes I make is to analyze things too much, because my mind is highly analytical. Romance, however, isn't like that at all.
Author noclobber Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 Next time, when someone rejects you the first time, move on - don't analyze it. I think that's one of the biggest mistakes I make is to analyze things too much, because my mind is highly analytic. Romance, however, isn't like that at all. Fantastic advice Yup, that's really the key! To move on with our lives.... It's difficult but I guess that's the right thing to do. But rejection does takes its toll on our self-worth, is it not? Any advice on this? I have to be honest and say that I am still disturbed after being rejected by my girl late last year. I am just not able to accept the fact that she didn't like me Sub-consciously I try to analyze why she rejected me.... My sense of my own self and my confidence have taken a huge dip... I am just not the same person I used to be....
amerikajin Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 But rejection does takes its toll on our self-worth, is it not? Any advice on this? It does, but I think it's mitigated or exaggerated largely depending on what else you've got going on in your life. If you've got issues and negative s*** going on in your life then you're going to take the rejection a bit more personally; if you've got other things going on in your life that are positive, you'll bounce back and go onto the next one. I think the key here is to make sure you take control of your life and work on things that are positive. You can't make a chick be attracted to you, but you can make yourself surprisingly more attractive than you would be otherwise simply by upping your positivity. I'm somewhat reserved and I don't warm up to people easily even though on some level I have no problem talking to people and getting to know them superficially; it's intimacy and deep relationships that I have problems with. I'm the kind of person who would rather have just a few close friends than be the life of the party. Sometimes I get negative, wishing that I were more outgoing in this respect.
Mary3 Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Mr B I would do NC in this case. That way you can clear your mind and stop wondering about every aspect of this girl. Its honestly doing more damage to keep talking to her , wondering about her, emailing her, sending her cards, ect. and keeping her burning memory fresh and right up front . Put her in the distance....you can go cold turkey or slowly back away....But back away you MUST ! Can you see how hurtful this is to yourself ? Always know as other posters have said : Follow the ACTIONS not the WORDS.
loony Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 No intitiating talk about sex, swinging, marriage, children, condoms, orgasms..... Oh holy sh*t. That's even worse than I thought. It got to the point where I wanted to yell: "Babe, pull the car over, let's f**k"......it was complete torture..... Dummy, that's exactly what she wanted you to do, to take the initiative and just do it. If a guy talks about these topics with a girl you can bet he wants sex. Why should it be different if a girl does it. The only difference will be that the guy is talking about sex and checking out how the girl reacts and then make his move, while the girl will make the guy hot and wait for him to take it further.
mrB2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Loony: Yes, she was making hints...But, I was overanalyizing things... I kept thinking to myself..."Ok, she told me ten times already that she was going to wait to have sex till marriage, and I respected that.....I feel the same...Now what the hell should I do?"...It was VERY, VERY tempting.....I almost had an attack of the nerves And like I said, I have NEVER had a woman come on to me like that before in my life....Have you ever seen the Three Stooges film "The Brideless Groom"...Hell, I was like Shemp. Frightning, Isn't it? Mary3: If I don't hear from her by the end of next week, I will write my 'farewell letter'....In fact, I wrote it last night....I am tired of this...I now realize that I am not a bad person and no one should deserve this kind of treatment....Hell, I tried, and you can't fault a guy for that (even though there were many screwups along the way). amerikajin: She was the first (and hopefully not the last) gal to give me the time of day...She was an interesting person to know.... But I feel that I should move on. If not I will be spending the rest of my life thinking that something could have been.....Life is too short for that!!! MrB:lmao:
Walk Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 You so totally hijacked Noclobbers post. Shame on you.
loony Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Loony: Yes, she was making hints...But, I was overanalyizing things... I kept thinking to myself..."Ok, she told me ten times already that she was going to wait to have sex till marriage, and I respected that.....I feel the same...Now what the hell should I do?"...It was VERY, VERY tempting.....I almost had an attack of the nerves And like I said, I have NEVER had a woman come on to me like that before in my life....Have you ever seen the Three Stooges film "The Brideless Groom"...Hell, I was like Shemp. Frightning, Isn't it? If you think she's this innocent little girl who hasn't been touched by anybody you're really naive. If you define sex by penetration then she probably didn't have sex yet, but from your description I seriously doubt that she has been as abstinent as you want to believe. She knew exactly that talking about sex would get you aroused and your best answer would have been, "Listen, all this talking about sex is making me horny. I don't want to be a jerk and I respect your wish to wait till marriage, but I think it's better now if you stop. This stuff is not important for our friendship and I don't see any need to discuss with you condoms or orgasms." Don't send her any good-bye letters. That's just an indirect move to make her say, "Please, don't leave." It doesn't matter what she thinks, because you don't give a damn about it.
alphamale Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Wanted to add that I generally subscribe to Alphamale's philosophy when it comes to friends and lovers. I think that a man and woman can become friends after an unrequited love but it's damn difficult. I typically don't like to hang around as friends myself...if we later become friends that's one thing, but to hang around hoping 'they'll see the real you' is foolish. and...I would like to add that being "friends" with a woman takes much time and energy, that time and energy could be better spent trying to find a romantic relationship. A man's time is fixed and his energy is fixed (unless you're doping ) so why waste it in relationships that get you little or nothing?
Mary3 Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 I think thats very cruel of her to sit in a car and talk in detail about her orgasms or sexual stuff while you cringe in the seat. Would it be any different to any man to hear a chick talk about hot stuff to someone who thinks shes the bomb ? Meanwhile shes telling you about the big O and bringing you to the edge of vocal excitment but telling you to just listen to her and not get stimulated. I still say NC. I know you want to hold out that something magical will happen and she will recover from memory loss and say " OMG you really WERE the ONE ! " I can tell you thats a fairy tale. Wishful thinking on your part. Let me tell you if we as a woman want to be romantic and make love to you and share our lives with you , we would be DOING just that with your RIGHT NOW. Try to remember that as she teases you and then selfishly tells you about her other prospects in life. I say for you own dignity and healing to STOP talking to her .
Author noclobber Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 Thanks everyone for hijacking my thread! :lmao: :lmao:
mrB2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Sorry noclobber, I am just going to delete her from my email. I will delete all of my messages.. Loony: I wasnt naive about her and sex...It's just that I was very uncomfortable talking about stuff like that if we were 'just friends'.....Now, I am VERY passive about things....and that is an area I plan to improve upon.. I know this sounds silly, but I was afraid to say anything because I was in HER car....hell, she could have dumped me in the middle of Iowa and I would have had only two hundred and fifty bucks to my name and a maxed out credit card Mary3: At this point, I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with her anymore...I have ignored other women during this whole ordeal....I was so preoccupied with this psycho-gal.... thanks mrB
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