noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Women, assume that a guy friend of yours expresses his feelings for you and you turn him down. What are you most likely to do after that? and How would you feel if the guy starts distancing himself from you after the rejection? I have just started to back-off from my OA in order to protect my own feelings. I am sure she is going to "feel betrayed" but I really don't care anymore... Valentine's day was the last straw...
MelissaL Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I don't know that she'll feel betrayed, I would understand. In all honesty, if I was her I would probably start backing away from you, too, because now there's an awkward situation to deal with, and nobody likes those. Nobody likes rejection, and really, who likes to be in the situation of being the rejector, especially to someone you do care about? You'll both probably need time to let things settle back down, but if she is a real friend it won't faze her for long. Kudos to you for making your feeling known, but now that you know hers, just let it go or you'll never get your friendship back on track (assuming that you want it to...)
Author noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 I don't know that she'll feel betrayed, I would understand. In all honesty, if I was her I would probably start backing away from you, too, because now there's an awkward situation to deal with, and nobody likes those. Nobody likes rejection, and really, who likes to be in the situation of being the rejector, especially to someone you do care about? You'll both probably need time to let things settle back down, but if she is a real friend it won't faze her for long. Kudos to you for making your feeling known, but now that you know hers, just let it go or you'll never get your friendship back on track (assuming that you want it to...) Thanks MelissaL Its actually a complicated story. I did back off after my female friend said that she didn't have feelings for me. But she was extremely upset that I avoided her (I avoided for just 3 days). She pleaded me for the friendship and I got back with her. We meet almost every day for lunch.... Off late I am finding her behavior disgusting.... She deliberately avoided me on valentine's day... So i have decided to back away from her... it doesn't make sense to me.
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Noclobber, I am in the same boat....I sent a Valentine ecard to my so-called friend....No word from her...I know that she read it because I got a receipt from the ecard website..... This was the LAST STRAW with me....I am tired of being on the emotional rollercoaster....A real friend wouldn't do that...And I should have been smart enough to realize that I was being taken for a ride.... I even thought about deleting any existence of my so-called friend from my life: email, letter, gifts, etc.....Anything to remove this from my mind would help..... I don't know if your situation was similar to mine, but I let A LOT of girls go by while I was with my so-called friend. Hell, I was HER B*tch, so to speak....I was wrapped around her fingers.... I know of about two or three girls that were interested in me, but NO, I was preoccupied by my so-called friend. I have learned my lesson, and I will be the man next time.... Now, I know that I faulted myself a lot. I know that I played the 'poor-pitiful me' syndrome to the hilt....But I will not fault myself for sending that Valentine... Love is a two-way street...And it was obvious that I was willing to be taken on a ride.... So, I will forget my so-called friend, and look to the present and the future....and I will never, ever, ever, put myself in that position AGAIN... Life is too short to wait for someone to love you.. Hey, noclobber, I know how you feel... (Hopefully, I will find a girl who is mature and careful on another person's heart)--And I hope you find the same! MrB
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 And I am not bitter....It is just that it has taken me this long to 'see the light'. MrB
Author noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 Thanks MrB2006 So your girl didn't care to reply huh? Let me tell you man.... she is just not worth it. Call it off!! Don't give her another ounce of attention. I didn't send greetings to my girl on v-day. I only asked her for lunch 'cos we do lunch almost every day. But surprisingly she was "super busy" that day that she didn't even have time to reply to my emails.. wow, my a$$ .... I have started backing off already..... she is just feeling the pinch but i don't care.... i have demoted her status from "friend" to "acquaintance"
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Noclobber, I am giving her till Sunday night to respond. I am giving her just ONE more chance....If I don't hear from her by then, I will drop her from my life altogether.....It will be painful, considering how much she has meant to me...But push has come to shove. I am tired of being a Second-class citizen in her life considering how many times she says she values my friendship...what a crock of crap.....I was a fool in love... And you are right, she is NOT worth it.....I always thought that I was immature, but having dealt with her...boy, she needs to grow up. It is common courtesy to at least ACKNOWLEDGE a receipt of a letter or email..especially on a silly holiday like Valentine's.... Hey, you live and you learn..... Best of luck to you noclobber MrB
alphamale Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 a man should not be 'friends' with women, instead he should be having sex with them.
Pyro Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 a man should not be 'friends' with women, instead he should be having sex with them. While I agree with you that having sex with a female is great, I will have to disagree with you about your view on being friends with females. It is good to have female friends because they don't try to compete with you and some of the best advice that i have received regarding females have come from my female friends. As long as your only intentions are to be just friends with those females, then there is no harm in being friends with them.
alphamale Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 As long as your only intentions are to be just friends with those females, then there is no harm in being friends with them. But the above is what 95% of men have trouble with...they think that by becoming "friends" with these women they'll eventually get into their pants. WRONG!!!
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Riddler, I think you are right... However, my case with my female friend was a little different..... Yes, I liked her A LOT. We reached a point where we agreed on being 'just friends'.. But that just didn't work.... Now, I don't want to blame all of this on her, because I certainly was a wimp in all of this....But, my friend's intentions were not clear....One day we were just friends, then the next day she was asking me about how I would want my wedding to be like....One day we would just play racquetball as friends, then the next day she would ask me about marriage and how many kids you would want.....One day we would be at an art gallery, then the next day she would ask me about any of my previous sexual experiences (which are nil)...What the hell was her problem? She was VERY, VERY confused... So yes, female friends can be great, but both have to be on the same level with intentions....If not, then someone will get hurt.... MrB
Pyro Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I don't think that 95% is accurate. I agree that if a male becomes friends with a female just to get with her, then of course they shouldn't be friends.
Pyro Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Riddler, I think you are right... However, my case with my female friend was a little different..... Yes, I liked her A LOT. We reached a point where we agreed on being 'just friends'.. But that just didn't work.... Now, I don't want to blame all of this on her, because I certainly was a wimp in all of this....But, my friend's intentions were not clear....One day we were just friends, then the next day she was asking me about how I would want my wedding to be like....One day we would just play racquetball as friends, then the next day she would ask me about marriage and how many kids you would want.....One day we would be at an art gallery, then the next day she would ask me about any of my previous sexual experiences (which are nil)...What the hell was her problem? She was VERY, VERY confused... So yes, female friends can be great, but both have to be on the same level with intentions....If not, then someone will get hurt.... MrB Sounds like a very complicated situation MrB. If I were you, I would avoid her until she decides what she wants to do.
alphamale Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 So yes, female friends can be great, but both have to be on the same level with intentions....If not, then someone will get hurt.... And how often, MrB, are both on the same level with their intentions? In real life ,most of the time they are on diffrent levels. I would avoid her until she decides what she wants to do. I would just avoid her period...
magda Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Any decent woman would back off from you herself after having to reject you. The very idea of someone acting hurt when you back off after being rejecting is absurd. She is using you for the self-esteem boost she gets by having you at her beck and call if that is how she reacts. And that is the truth.
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Riddler, I plan to avoid her after this coming Sunday... I am tired of being on this rollercoaster of emotions.... Yes, I really loved her...I loved her for who she was, but love is a two way street...You can't make someone love you.... And to be honest with you, in the middle of last year, I thought about dropping some of my career opportunites so that 'we' could make things work...boy was I deluded.... And I have let many opportunities slide.....I remember a gal at work who would wanted to go out with me, but no, I was worried about my friend..... I went in to a relationship thinking that we were just friends, but it ended up with me wanting more (after her giving me 'hints'--or was that just her way to control me, I don't quite know)... Anyhow, I am not bitter towards her...I just pity her....I am not the first victim of her antics....She admitted to me last fall that other guys were confused by her intentions...that should have clued me in....But, love will do that to you... MrB
alphamale Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Any decent woman would back off from you herself after having to reject you. The very idea of someone acting hurt when you back off after being rejecting is absurd. She is using you for the self-esteem boost she gets by having you at her beck and call if that is how she reacts. And that is the truth. MAGDA, you get a gold star for today
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Magda, you are SO right.... What will make me feel better now? I feel like crap...Soon I will be leaving the US for Asia, and the one person who I thought was my friend has been treating me like garbage all along... MrB
alphamale Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I went in to a relationship thinking that we were just friends, but it ended up with me wanting more (after her giving me 'hints'--or was that just her way to control me, I don't quite know)... it was her way to control you emotionally and keep you from hooking up with other females. her own ego boost... Anyhow, I am not bitter towards her why not? you should be mad as hell. drop the "nice guy" bit...it does not work. ....But, love will do that to you... you cannot be "in love" with someone you've never had a romantic relationship with...
Pyro Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Riddler, I plan to avoid her after this coming Sunday... I am tired of being on this rollercoaster of emotions.... Yes, I really loved her...I loved her for who she was, but love is a two way street...You can't make someone love you.... And to be honest with you, in the middle of last year, I thought about dropping some of my career opportunites so that 'we' could make things work...boy was I deluded.... And I have let many opportunities slide.....I remember a gal at work who would wanted to go out with me, but no, I was worried about my friend..... I went in to a relationship thinking that we were just friends, but it ended up with me wanting more (after her giving me 'hints'--or was that just her way to control me, I don't quite know)... Anyhow, I am not bitter towards her...I just pity her....I am not the first victim of her antics....She admitted to me last fall that other guys were confused by her intentions...that should have clued me in....But, love will do that to you... MrB Good job MrB. I have known lots of people that don't learn from this kind of experience and keep making the same mistakes over and over. It really sounds like that you have learned from your mistakes. That is what life is about: learning from your mistakes and improving yourself.
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Riddler: Thank you for your kind words.. Alphamale: Ok, yes, I am mad as hell, and I am not going take it anymore....... .....I am P*SSED!!!! NO MORE MR NICE GUY! I realized I never had a romantic relationship with her...But I am saying that I fell in love with who she was as a person....her personality, her intelligence (that is now being questioned), her integrity, her spirituality, etc..... Maybe I am nuts, but I feel that before a couple hops into the sack, they both must have something else there.....screwing like jackrabbits is nice, but there should be more to a relationship than just sex and kissing....But, that's why I am unable to bed a woman
Pyro Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Riddler: Thank you for your kind words.. Alphamale: Ok, yes, I am mad as hell, and I am not going take it anymore....... .....I am P*SSED!!!! NO MORE MR NICE GUY! I realized I never had a romantic relationship with her...But I am saying that I fell in love with who she was as a person....her personality, her intelligence (that is now being questioned), her integrity, her spirituality, etc..... Maybe I am nuts, but I feel that before a couple hops into the sack, they both must have something else there.....screwing like jackrabbits is nice, but there should be more to a relationship than just sex and kissing....But, that's why I am unable to bed a woman Don't give up hope on women. You had one bad experience with this one. It doesn't mean that they are all the same. I like your views on relationships. Yes, there is more then just sex with a women.
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Riddler, again thank you for your words... I don't plan to give up on women...I love women I just hope I don't run into any more of them like my friend.... MrB
mrB2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Enough about me...are there any more recommendations for NoClobber.. MrB
Author noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 Enough about me...are there any more recommendations for NoClobber.. MrB hahaha.... how nice of you after literally hijacking my thread! :p
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