nicolette Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I have been with my guy for alsmost 8 years, and everything is great. Everything, except his family! I won't go into all the weird things with them over the years, but the latest issue is getting to me now. I am not sure how other siblings are, but my brother and I talk every once and a while. My guy and his sister, however, talk numerous times during the day. She is always calling his cell phone, and never for anything important, but for everyday conversation! She is over his house at least 3 times a week, so it's not like they don't see eachother. An example is what happened last Friday. My guy, his dad, the sister, and her son went out for lunch. That afternoon, I saw him around 4:30 pm, after I got out of work. I was with him til around 9:30pm, and within that time, his sister called 3 times! We went to go look at a car for me, so when she called, she asked what we were doing. So that little outing was ruined. Then she called again while we were in the car. Then, we went to the store to look at stuff for the house, and she called when we were walking into the store. She wanted to know where we were, why we were there, what we were looking for, were we going to buy anything, etc. They were on the phone the entire time! I might as well have been there by myself! On Sundays when were are together, she calls @ 4 times during the day! It's not like they don't see eachother! I don't get it! The part that bothers me most, is that he doesn't think it's weird at all. But I know if my brother was constantly calling me and interrupting my alone time with me and my guy, it would bother him. Do I have a right to say anything about it? I am torn because while it does bother me, it is his family. I don't want to offend him. What would you do?
witabix Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Hard place to be in...... Try hiding his phone? Sounds like a real pain in the a$$. Do you live together? Think I'd say something, gentle at first like.... Why doesn't your sister get a freaking life of her own?
clandestinidad Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Yeah, this is an icky situation I've been in before too!!! Its pretty gross to me that family members would act like theyre an intimate loving romantic couple. It caused a LOT of friction between that boyfriend and I, and eventually he broke up with me. I'm probably too vocal about how I think/feel about things....but I think thats the only way to have a relationship: To know what things upset our partner and make adjustments as necessary. The fact that he broke up w/ me because of it was fine, over time, because I really could not have handled it if it continued. I suggest you really think about whether or not you could handle a lifetime of that behavior. Because really, if he doesnt recognize it and doesnt think it should change, it probably wont change. He'd have to see it from your eyes and it doesnt sound like he can do that...unless a counselor worked with the two of you as an outside party. 8 years is a long time to be with someone though, and I know it wouldnt be easy to walk away. Can I ask why you are not married yet? Are there other issues in your relationship besides this one that concern/upset you?
Guest Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Thanks for the replies so far! To answer your question, we are not married yet because we're still young. We've been going out since I was 16, so it's not like I'm in a rush right now... We don't live together yet, but he did buy us a house that we've been renovating. We decided that once we are both established and had a house, then we would marry. I graduated college, so I am still looking for my "career job" and he is in the works with something he is doing. There are truly no other concerns other than his father and this situation with his sister. His sister is very nice, just annoying. His mom is nice too. But if you marry, you marry the family as well!
magda Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Has his sister always been like that or is she just needy lately? Maybe you should try setting her up with some men so she'll get a man and stop supplementing with her brother.
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Tell him to turn his cell phone OFF for a while. Just say you'd love to spend some time with him without having to talk on his cell. She can leave a message and he can call back later... Does his sister like you? Is she nice to you? Do you feel she's doing this just to piss you off? Seems though they are close and maybe her intentions are good. They are close and talk alot. This may be something you're gonna have to get used to. BUT, if she is doing it on purpose to ruin your time together, then definately he needs to talk to her and tell her to back off abit. To me, it seems abit excessive, the amount of times she calls a day and wants to know ALL that is going on in his life. Just is nosey and maybe abit controlling...
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Has his sister always been like that or is she just needy lately? This is important, I think. Also, if he's always been this way with family, since you started being together, did you expect he would change?
Author nicolette Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 It's a strange story with the sister....... When we were in high school, I did notice this type of attachment. Every weekend, when me and him wanted to just hang out, she would bug him about all of us going out. I didn't mind as much because I did have fun, but I remember times getting annoyed because I just wanted to be alone with him. I know she wasn't intentionally being annoying because even when he was a t work, she would always call me to do stuff. Some things happened between her and their family, and they didn't talk for a couple of years. Now that she is getting a divorce, she is always around....but I am understanding about this...I understand you need family in a time like this. But she has a new boyfriend now, and even while they are together, she still calls my boyfriend/her brother. So it's not when she is alone or bored, it happens even while she is with the new guy. I know she is not doing it to simply annoy me...it's just how this family is. I could tell him to turn off the cell phone, but then his work might call and he would miss it. It is just comforting to know that you all think it is strange as well! I thought maybe I was overreacting. Thank you!
clandestinidad Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Is she his younger sister? Has she ever had a good relationship with her father? I ask b/c she might have attached to him looking for that male-love and fulfillment in her life....if so, it will be extremely hard for them to let go
blind_otter Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Some things happened between her and their family, and they didn't talk for a couple of years. Now that she is getting a divorce, she is always around....but I am understanding about this...I understand you need family in a time like this. But she has a new boyfriend now, and even while they are together, she still calls my boyfriend/her brother. Well regarding this - my mother and I didn't speak for a year. When we finallyreconciled, I was around all the time. I'm a lot closer to my family now. It's different because I have all sisters, so their husbands sorta think it's normal for the girls to be close like we are. As time passes she'll probably rely less on her family.
SuperMonk Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 About the part about family siblings intruding on one's relationship. Usually it's a sign that the sibling is watching over her brother/sister's relationship. I can already tell you and her might not or do not get along and this could be a reasoning. I've been in a situation like this where my ex's best friend/sister/mother would always call my ex up almost every time we would go out. In time I soon found out that they didn't like me nor did I like them (they were immature types compared to me) and I could feel the vibe that they wanted me out of her life. Dunno if this relates to your case, but you should talk with your boyfriend first and if he gives excuses then you might want to consider looking for an another boyfriend who doesn't have clingy family members.
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